NUDE ON THE MOON

Lester Brown

NUDE ON THE MOON (1961). Director: Doris Wishman. 

Dr. Jeff Huntley (Lester Brown) inherits a fortune from an uncle and decides to use it to build a moon rocket although his partner, Professor Nichols (William Mayer), cautions him that he could lose money that could have lasted him his entire life. Their secretary, Cathy (Marietta), is carrying a torch for Jeff, but he only has eyes for science. The two men build the rocket, take off, and land on what they think is the moon, although it does not have the familiar lunar landscape. Instead there are lush gardens and a nudist colony, where virtually everyone is undraped. (The women's breasts are exposed but that's it). These women are not only naked but telepathic. Before long Jeff, formerly cold to women, has fallen in love with the queen! 

lunar astronauts Brown and William Mayer

The odd thing about Nude on the Moon is that the first half is more or less reasonable and seems no different from other very low-budget sci-fi items of the period. However, the moon scenes are pretty dull in spite of the nudity. Lester Brown is an attractive fellow with a pleasant manner and an adequate actor, but he only made this one movie. Director Doris Wishman specialized in low-grade soft core movies centered on nudist camps. There are no sex scenes in the movie, and the two heroes never take their clothes off. The credit song, "Moon Doll," is dreadful!

Verdict: A real oddity with very little entertainment value. *1/2. 

PREHISTORIC WOMEN

 PREHISTORIC WOMEN (1950). Director: Gregory G. Tallas.

Tigri (Laurette Luez) is head of a group of supposedly prehistoric women who hate and hunt men from another tribe, one of whom is Engor (Allan Nixon of Outlaw Women), who inspires a fairly zesty cat fight among the ladies. There is a nine foot giant who snatches up women and runs off with them, as well as a "giant flying dragon" -- according to the ever-present narrator -- that more resembles an outsized pelican or sea gull. There are no dinosaurs or even lizards, no special effects to speak of, and a budget of about 99 cents. Luez made more of an impression in the TV series The Adventures of Fu Manchu as the Oriental doctor's mistress, and also had a notable role in D.O.A. with Edmond O'Brien. 

Verdict: This isn't even a fun "bad movie." *. 

FROM HELL IT CAME

Tabanga carries off unfaithful widow

FROM HELL IT CAME (1957). Director: Dan Milner. 

Because an atomic bomb was detonated 1500 miles from a Pacific atoll, followed by a "freak typhoon" which may have blown fall-out towards the island, a scientific team has been called in to investigate. They find that a plague is decimating the island, but that radioactivity is negligible -- so there are no giant intelligent crabs as in Attack of the Crab Monsters -- but the team have other problems. The witch doctor Tano (Robert Swan) still blames the natives' sickness on "Devil Dust" from the sky. Chief Maranka (Baynes Barron)  orders the death of Kima (Gregg Palmer of The Rebel Set) because he covets Kima's unfaithful wife, Korey (Suzanne Ridgway). Dead and buried, Kima comes back as the legendary "creature of revenge," the Tabanga. 

Tod Andrews, Tina Carver, Jon McNamara

Apparently some of the "Devil Dust" did make its way to the island -- although one native suggests that Kima is not the first Tabanga, eliminating fall-out as a cause of this mutation -- because, confusingly, Tabanga registers an alarming amount of radioactivity. This aspect is dropped as the team -- Dr. Bill Arnold (Tod Andrews), Professor Clark (John McNamara), helpful Eddie (Mark Sheeler), and Dr. Terry Mason (Tina Carver of Uranium Boom) -- dig up the tree stump that has risen over Kima's grave and bring it back to their headquarters. They don't seem surprised when overnight the stump has turned into an eight-foot-tall tree with facial features and a heartbeat. The tree also oozes a green blood-like substance. As it revives and escapes the lab, it resembles nothing so much as a malignant Gumby on a bender! Stumbling around in a comical manner, Tabanga manages to kill off several people. 

Andrews and Carver

The screenplay for From Hell It Came is workable, but the film itself is nearly done in by a ludicrous monster. The actors are professional enough, although at times the male scientists seem about as enthused about things as shipping clerks on a coffee break, and other times at least one of them seems slightly drunk. Terry Mason is depicted as an independent woman who isn't interested in marrying Bill Arnold (although this changes by the film's end) yet when she's carried off by the tree-monster this feisty lady faints and becomes helpless. The film is greatly abetted by the score by Darrell Calker, who includes a love theme for Terry and Bill but also adds excitement to the otherwise not very exciting scenes with Tabanga. In fact, the music is better than the picture deserves. Korey has a "catfight" with her rival for the Chief's affections, Naomi (Tani Marsh), at one point, but Tabanga intervenes. One disappointing aspect to the story is that the annoying British lady who works at a trading post, Mrs. Kilgore (Linda Watkins) isn't killed off by Tabanga. Although Watkins got an "introducing" credit in the film, she had actually starred in a series of now forgotten films in the thirties -- she was off the screen for 17 years, but had quite a few credits afterwards. 

Verdict: Trees don't make the most interesting of monsters. **.

VOODOO WOMAN

Touch Connors wants none of Marla English

VOODOO WOMAN (1957). Director: Edward L. Cahn.

Deep in the jungle, a crazy scientist named Dr. Roland Gerard (Tom Conway of Bride of the Gorilla) uses a combination of his science and the witch doctor, Chaka's (Martin Wilkins) voodoo to turn a pretty native girl, Zuranda (Jean Davis) into a hideous, hulking monster. With some vague plan to get revenge on colleagues who laughed at him and probably take over the world, Gerard is dismayed to discover that the decent Zuranda will not kill at his command, even when she is in her monster form. However, he also discovers that a greedy adventuress named Marilyn Blanchard (Marla English), who had a tough early life in Pittsburgh, will be only too happy to kill whoever gets in her way. Will these two creeps form an unholy alliance?

Wedded bliss? Tom Conway and Mary Ellen Kay

Voodoo Woman just misses being a hoot, although it certainly tries hard to be a luridly entertaining melodrama. Marla English makes a game effort to get across Marilyn's sociopathology, but she hasn't quite got the real acting chops to completely pull it off. As Gerard's helpless wife, Susan, whom he keeps a prisoner, Mary Ellen Kay gets across her character's hysteria but is also limited as an actress. Conway, who looks ill, is fun as the mad doctor. Lance Fuller [This Island Earth] is Marilyn's disposable boyfriend, Rick, and Mike Connors (billed as "Touch" Connors) is the guide, Ted,  who takes the couple deep into the dangerous jungle wherein they encounter that fun couple, the Gerards. It's funny how often Ted rejects the supposedly seductive advances and icy would-be charms of the not-terribly-feminine Marilyn. This was the one and only starring role for Marla English, and the last picture she made as well. One positive thing about the movie is that at least it employed a lot of black actors instead of having natives portrayed by whites, although native stereotypes undoubtedly abound. Paul Blaisdell, who designed the barely-seen creature, plays the monster.

Verdict: Moderately compelling schlock. **.

THE UNBORN (1991)

Jeff Hayenga, Brooke Adams, Kathy Griffin

THE UNBORN (1991). Director: Rodman Flender. 

Virginia Marshall's (Brooke Adams) last hope to conceive a child lies with fertility specialist Dr. Meyerling (James Karen). Although Virginia, along with her husband Brad (Jeff Hayenga), is delighted when she gets pregnant, she comes to think that there's something unnatural growing inside of her. And that Meyerling, a geneticist by trade, has something to do with it. She has a breakdown on a national television show and is convinced her baby is a monster. Is she as nutty as a fruitcake, or is Meyerling implanting super-babies in women's wombs? 

It's Alive! 

The Unborn is utter schlock that is an embarrassment for all concerned. The movie becomes more ludicrous with every moment, eventually turning into a complete burlesque, and good performances from Adams and Hayenga are completely wasted. The derivative plot combines everything from It's Alive to Children of the Damned with a dose of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the remake of which starred Adams) thrown in for good measure. 

Jeff Hayenga

If that's not bad enough we're introduced to a lesbian couple (one of whom is played by comic Kathy Griffin) at the fertility clinic, and while at first they are treated sympathetically, it later develops that they are a little crazy. They even have negative feelings about males (the incredibly old and tired "lesbians hate men" stereotype), wanting to exclude husbands from birthing classes because they are "outsiders" -- huh? When Kathy Griffin is hammered to death by her girlfriend (don't ask) she keeps screaming at Adams over the phone to call the police and Adams just keeps asking "what's wrong" instead of simply hanging up and calling the police! This is only one of several dumb sequences in the movie, which is, in a word, awful. People who insist there's something profound going on in  this flick need to crack a book sometime.

Verdict: You could call this, say, an examination of baby hatred but the movie has absolutely nothing on its mind. *. 

DON'T OPEN TILL DOOMSDAY: OUTER LIMITS

Miriam Hopkins

THE OUTER LIMITS: DON'T OPEN TILL DOOMSDAY (1964). 

This episode of the sixties science fiction show The Outer Limits is of interest primarily because of the excellent performance by guest-star Miriam Hopkins. Hopkins, who is deliberately made up to look grotesque, plays a woman whose husband disappeared on their wedding night back in the 1920's. Where is he? Well, here's where things get strange. An alien creature, that has been imprisoned in a box and is out to play havoc with the universe, has sucked the husband, Harvey (David Frankham), into the same box and won't let him out unless he agrees to help him with his dastardly plans. Out of her mind, not accepting that nearly thirty-five years have gone by, Hopkins plots to find another man to take his place in the box, not that this would necessarily free Harvey. 

To say that Joseph Stefano's teleplay for this episode is half-baked is an understatement. We never learn how Harvey has managed to stay sane himself after all these years -- or does time move at a much faster rate for him than for his wife? The little alien looks pretty ridiculous. Stefano throws in a lot of different and even compelling ideas but none of them are developed very well. The whole thing just seems so ridiculous, poorly thought out, and ultimately, quite silly, like a bad comic book story of the fifties. Frankly, Hopkins gives the episode more than it deserves. 

Verdict: Not one of the better Outer Limits. **. 

CHRISTINE

Keith Gordon in his Plymouth

CHRISTINE (1983). Director: John Carpenter. 

Dennis (John Stockwell) is best friends with the somewhat nerdy Arnie (Keith Gordon), who comes across an almost dilapidated old Plymouth and falls in love with her. Working on the car day and night, the car -- Christine, by name -- is not only transformed, but so is Arnie, becoming "cool" in his dress and manner like something out of the 1950's. Then the kids and others who taunted him become subjects of the wrath of Christine. But Christine, who can magically transform herself when she needs to, will not be easy to destroy. 

Robert Prosky

Based on a novel by Stephen King, Christine was not an improvement on an earlier and much better "killer car" movie entitled The Car. The Plymouth is beautiful, and some of the attack sequences are well-handled, although the alleged climax to the film is comparatively slow and dull. Stockwell and Gordon give good performances, although Alexandra Paul as Arnie's girlfriend isn't much of an actor; considering her 100 credits she must have gotten better. The movie is stolen by Robert Prosky, who makes the most of his scenes as Will Darnell, the grizzled, often dyspeptic owner of a body shop where Arnie works on the Plymouth. William Ostrander is notable as Arnie's main nemesis, Buddy. The film is at least twenty minutes too long and has no real tension or suspense. The director's mediocre score doesn't help at all. 

Verdict: Yet another schlocky John Carpenter movie. **1/4. 

DIE SISTER, DIE!

Jack Ging

DIE SISTER, DIE! (1978). Producer/director: Randall Hood.

"Life is the one disease that's always fatal."

Edward Price (Jack Ging) has always hated his sister, Amanda (Edith Atwater). because she lives in the family mansion and has control of the money. She has attempted suicide more than once but never quite succeeds. Edward hires former nurse Esther (Antoinette Bower) to care for Amanda, with the instruction that she is not to do anything to save her if she decides to try killing herself one more time. But Esther doesn't realize that the brother and sister are hiding a dark secret. The family doctor (Kent Smith) doesn't have a clue, either.

Edith Atwaterr and Antoinette Bower

Yes, Die, Sister Die! sounds like it might be a good bet for suspense fans, but be forewarned that the movie has little suspense, its revelations come much too early in the story, and the picture has no style or dramatic tension. The script isn't helped by mediocre direction and actors who have probably given better performances elsewhere but seem only vaguely interested in what's going on here. Kent Smith probably comes off best. This is one of those movies that has a workable and even intriguing storyline but muffs it on virtually every level. Hugo Friedhoffer's musical score is incredibly dull and does nothing for the picture. Edith Atwater was also in Strait-Jacket with Joan Crawford. NOTE: IMDB reports the rumor that Jack Ging importuned friend Clint Eastwood to finish the film after the credited director passed away. 

Verdict: If it didn't have enough problems, a slow pace really sinks this. *1/2. 

BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES

James Franciscus

BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES (1970). Director: Ted Post. 

An astronaut named Brent (James Franciscus) is sent on a rescue mission to find Taylor (Charlton Heston) from Planet of the Apes, and conveniently pops into Earth's future at just about the point that that film ended. Taylor had gone deeper into the "Forbidden Zone" to find out what else is there, while Nova (Linda Harrison) wanders back to "civilization" and meets up with Brent. The two eventually encounter the friendly chimps Zira (Kim Hunter) and Cornelius (David Watson). Maurice Evans is back as the human-hating Dr. Zaius. 

Maurice Evans as Dr. Zaius

However, the main story of the picture has to do with the gorillas, under the orders of General Ursus (a hammy Paul Gregory), deciding to invade the Forbidden Zone and declare war on whatever inhabitants are inside there. These turn out to be disfigured human mutants with telepathic powers who worship an atomic bomb. And things get even sillier after that until a big blow up at the end that should be horrifying but is almost comical.

Brent explores the NYC subway 2000 years later

Beneath the Planet of the Apes is schlock science fiction at its worst, "borrowing" from everything from "By the Waters of Babylon" by Stephen Vincent Benet to Jungle Jim (with natives worshiping a bomb) to The Time Machine to all those mutant-in-the-future movies of the fifties and sixties such as World Without End (an in-joke, perhaps, has the mutants singing a hymn of that title). Their main HQ is Grand Central Terminal in New York. 

There are some good things in this otherwise tedious and terrible movie. At one point a mutant forces Brent and Taylor to fight to the death in a jail cell and this is a lively, well-choreographed sequence, perhaps the only real moment of excitement in the picture. Although a matte painting of a shattered Manhattan is pretty poor, there are some good underground sets of the subways and sunken buildings. None of this is original, of course. The acting is okay, but the only humanistic touch is when the skipper of Franciscus' spaceship, who dies shortly afterward, thinks about the fact that his wife, children and everyone he knows are long dead; Skipper is very well-played by Tod Andrews. Despite the movie being a stinker, it made enough money (because of the massive popularity of Planet of the Apes) to engender several more sequels. 

Verdict:  Ape crap. *1/2.