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B MOVIE NIGHTMARE will return in 2022.

Let's all hope that 2022 will be better than 2021!

THE MAD BUTCHER

Victor Buono

THE MAD BUTCHER (aka Lo srangoloatore di Vienna aka Meat is Meat/1971). Director: John (Guido) Zurli. 

Butcher Otto Lehman (Victor Buono) is released from a mental institution in Vienna in the care of his rather shrewish wife, Hanna (Karin Field). Otto has no interest in returning to their home, however, but prefers to stay in a room above his butcher shop so he can spy on the naked lady across the way. When he finally loses it and strangles his wife, he decides she might as well serve a purpose -- as Viennese sausages! Others who come afoul of dear Otto wind up in the same condition ... 

Brad Harris and Franca Polesello

Despite the title, Otto dispatches his victims with his hands around their necks, and the butchery that follows is kept off-camera. The Mad Butcher is essentially a grotesque black comedy, with everyone acting a little "off" as they would in a humorous movie. This includes eurospy and peplum hunk Brad Harris as a callous reporter from the Chicago Tribune who is, for unexplained reasons, in Vienna. He begins a relationship with Berta (Franca Polesello), a customer in the shop. The film appears to be a period piece, but from the production design you can't tell exactly which period . There are also precious few shots of the beautiful city of Vienna. The spritely musical score is in direct contrast to the events of the story, but somehow it suits the movie perfectly. As for Buono, he seems to be enjoying himself mightily, but the movie is nothing special.

Verdict: Skip the sausages when in Vienna! **1/2. 
 

THE WOLF OF SNOW HOLLOW

Robert Forster

THE WOLF OF SNOW HOLLOW (2020). Written and directed by Jim Cummins. 

John Marshall (Jim Cummins) of the Sheriff's department of Snow Hollow, Utah, has his hands full. Women are being horribly murdered and mutilated, and while he's convinced the perpetrator is human, his fellow officers think a werewolf is on the loose. His father, Sheriff Hadley (Robert Forster), refuses to retire when his heart condition may possibly kill him. And John's ex-wife and daughter are giving him problems. To make matters worse, he is an alcoholic who has fallen off the wagon, and a self-described "asshole."

Riki Lindhome and Jim Cummins

That is the biggest problem with The Wolf of Snow Hollow. Not only is the "hero" a semi-drunken jackass, he comes off manic, mentally-disturbed, and completely unable to function as a sheriff. To make matters worse, Jim Cummins' performance -- he also wrote and directed the picture -- is so awful and over-the-top that it all but ruins the movie. Cummins should either have cast someone else in the main role, or hired another director who would, hopefully, reign him in. His off-putting style might be appropriate for a Porky's style teen comedy, but not for a horror film, even one that is a bit on the "lighter side." There have been screwed-up sheriffs in thrillers before, but the one in this flick is way too much. 

There's another problem. Some filmmakers have the finesse to handle laughs and scares (as in the Scream movies) with a certain flair, but that is not the case with Cummins. Also, horror films have never been the most "tasteful" genre, but is it necessary for us to learn that the first victim had her vagina carried off (deputies later make a joke about this). This is especially strange as Cummins' script has the sensitivity to have P. J., the first victim's boyfriend (Jimmy Tatro, who should have been the lead), get angry at a minor character saying "faggot" (apparently P.J's brother is gay).  It is also never explained how the killer has the strength to literally tear someone apart. Other notable cast members, besides Forster in his next-to-last role, include Riki Lindhomme as a deputy and Will Madden as Paul Carnury. The shame of it is that the movie has some interesting elements and some well-staged action scenes, but the presence of the hysterical and irritating Cummins just about strips it of major entertainment value.

Verdict: Cummins should never direct Cummins. **1/4. 

DEATH IN A RED JAGUAR

George Nader

DEATH IN A RED JAGUAR (aka Der tod im roten Jaguar/1968). Director: Harald Reinl. 

FBI agent Jerry Cotton (George Nader) is called to San Francisco after a series of murders which point to the same killer -- the same pistol and same silencer were used. Cotton, who drives a sleek red jaguar, works with SF detective Sam Parker (Herbert Stass), partner Phil Decker (Hans Weiss). and Parker's associate, Ria (Daniela Surina) in an effort to pinpoint the murderer. As the bodies pile up, Cotton and the others uncover a kind of "Dial a Death Service" in which hit men are hired to murder unsuspecting innocents, and the hit men themselves are exterminated once their usefulness is over. 

Cotton flips Harry (Frank Nossack) to his side

This is another dubbed German Jerry Cotton movie, and like The Violin Case Murders it is slick, fast-paced and entertaining. As usual in these stories, the authorities don't seem capable of protecting witnesses and more than one gets offed during the running time. Robert Fuller shows up in an exciting prologue as a machine-gun toting bad guy that Cotton pursues into a theatrical establishment, frightening -- but also saving -- a whole bunch of chorus girls. Frank Nossack is cast as Harry, a hit man who is somehow flipped into working with Jerry, and Carl Lange is the sinister Dr. Saunders. The identity of the true mastermind comes as a bit of a surprise. 

Verdict: Jerry Cotton is back! ***. 

OUR MAN IN JAMAICA

Larry Pennell as Agent 001

OUR MAN IN JAMAICA/aka A 001: operazione Giamaica/1965.) Director: Richard Jackson. 

Ken Stewart, aka Agent 001 (Larry Pennell), is sent to Jamaica to investigate the disappearance of Larry Peacock, Agent 009. Once there, Stewart pretends to be an antique dealer, and establishes a friendship with Mrs. Cervantes (Linda Sini), who is also in the business. But Larry develops a more personal relationship with the older woman's secretary, Gloria (Barbara Valentin), and Larry's sister, Jane (Margitta Scherr). Joining forces with Captain Mike Jefferson (Brad Harris), Stewart tries to uncover the true identity of an arms dealer operating out of the island, and winds up in the villain's makeshift electric chair! 

Brad Harris as Captain Jefferson

Clearly modeled after Dr. No -- although with a much less interesting villain -- Our Man in Jamaica is a fair-to-middling Eurospy film that features all of the usual elements, including an American actor in the lead; Pennell is fine as the spy. Brad Harris, also an American, went on to co-star in several more eurospy films in the Kommissar X series. This is a pretty low-tech affair -- a high-frequency recorder seems to be Agent 001's only gadget -- with location filming, and women who are far less beautiful than you usually see in Bond movies. Like Dr. No, the villain in this, played by Wolfgang Kieling, has his own private island, but there isn't much of interest on it. A pop tune that deliberately sounds like music for the Bond films plays over the opening credits.

The film has a hilarious prologue, with both Stewart and a lady friend passed out after a night of lovemaking. The woman says "You can marry me, like you said." To which a hungover Stewart replies: "Who are you?" Unlike a lot of eurospy movies, Our Man in Jamaica manages to hold the attention and proceeds at a relatively swift pace, but it never quite develops into anything that memorable. Italy-West Germany-Spain co-production. 

Verdict: Well-played and smooth but no Dr. No. **1/2. 

TEN LITTLE INDIANS (1989)

Sarah Maur Thorp and Frank Stallone

TEN LITTLE INDIANS (1989). Director: Alan Birkinshaw. 

Harry Alan Towers had already produced two earlier versions of Agatha Christie's venerable story -- the notable 1965 version and the terrible 1974 version -- when he decided to trot it out a third time and the results are mediocre. In this version, which is faithful to the period, the assorted wrong-doers are invited on an African safari and wind up staying in a very isolated area -- a rope bridge over a chasm is destroyed -- inside large tents. The premise still casts a certain creepy spell, but otherwise this is not very memorable.

The cast of Ten Little Indians 

There are some notable performers in the cast, however: Donald Pleasence [Circus of Horrors] as the judge; Herbert Lom  of Asylum as the general (he played Dr. Armstrong in the 1974 version); Sarah Maur Thorp as Vera; and Warren Berlinger, a pleasant surprise as Mr. Blore. Brenda Vaccaro gives the same fussy performance as she did in her later years. I'm honestly not certain if Frank Stallone can even be considered a genuine actor, so his choice as the male lead is rather strange. One of the characters acknowledges a lesbian affair which was not in the novel but was picked up for a British TV mini-series many years later. The lousy score for the movie only makes matters worse. 

Verdict: Stick with the 1965 version or And Then There Were None. **1/4.  

ANGEL FACE

Jean Simmons

ANGEL FACE (1953). Produced and directed by Otto Preminger. 

Frank Jessup (Robert Mitchum) is an ambulance driver who meets the fascinating Diane Tremayne (Jean Simmons) when her stepmother, Catherine (Barbara O'Neil), has a near-deadly encounter with a gas jet. Although Frank is already involved with Mary (Mona Freeman), Frank can't quite resist seeing Diane and ultimately going to work for her family as a chauffeur. Diane truly hates her stepmother -- she thinks she treats her beloved father (Herbert Marshall) like a lap dog -- but Frank has no interest in her nefarious plans. In spite of his admonitions, there is a very terrible accident, and Frank's life winds up spiraling out of control ... But there are worse things to come. 

Robert Mitchum and Mona Freeman

Angel Face is one of Otto Preminger's best movies, an absorbing and exciting, well-acted exercise in film noir with Jean Simmons wisely underplaying so that the audience is never quite certain what is on her mind. Mitchum plays an essentially decent guy who isn't quite willing to do indecent things for Diane's sake, although one could argue that he isn't terribly nice to his cast-off girlfriend, Mary, who stands by him for awhile. Kenneth Tobey [It Came from Beneath the Sea] is Mary's admirer and Frank's former associate, Leon Ames is a defense lawyer, and Jim Backus plays the prosecutor; all are fine. There are twists and turns to the plot and a ferociously horrifying climax. (Those who suggest that  Frank's actions at the end are unrealistic forget that he was never the brightest bulb in the chandelier.) Angel Face contains elements of everything from Double Indemnity to Leave Her to Heaven but has a mystique all of its own. 

Verdict: Some people you should never get into cars with. ***1/4. 

TEN LITTLE INDIANS (1974)

Lom, Frobe, Attenborough, Reed and Sommer

TEN LITTLE INDIANS (1974). Director: Peter Collinson. 

Several people receive invitations to an empty luxury hotel built in the Iranian desert near some ruins. While there they learn that their unknown host has assembled them for past misdeeds and an unseen killer strikes at them one by one, the murders related in some way to a nursery rhyme. Eventually the rapidly-dwindling group comes to realize that the murderer is one of their own. Paranoia sets in as the deaths continue and everyone falls under suspicion. 

Unlikely lovers: Elke Sommer and Oliver Reed

This is the second of three versions of Agatha Christie's venerable story that was produced by Harry Alan Towers, who would seemingly produce any piece of shit if he thought he could turn a profit. At least he has assembled an interesting cast in this misfire: Richard Attenborough as the judge; Elke Sommer and Oliver Reed [The Shuttered Room] as the unlikeliest pair of young lovers ever; Stephane Audran as the actress who may have murdered her husband; two Bond villains -- Gert Frobe of Goldfinger and Adolfo Celi of Thunderball -- as, respectively, a detective and a general; French entertainer Charles Aznavour as the drunken first victim; Herbert Lom [Mysterious Island] as Dr. Armstrong, and no less than Orson Welles as the voice of the host. 

The most notable things about this production are the settings and the cinematography of Fernando Arribas. The musical score is atrocious, and the clumsily-directed film -- there are way too many long shots and the murder scenes are devoid of elan -- has virtually no tension or suspense. The acting is generally good, with Attenborough coming off the best. Towers had one more version of the story to go. 

Verdict: Another tax write-off for Towers. **. 

THE INVADERS Book

THE INVADERS. James Rosin. Autumn Road; 2012.

This book takes a look back at the TV series The Invaders that ran for two seasons on ABC in the sixties. I was hoping for a detailed, in-depth look at the show and all of its episodes a la the book on the Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV series, but while comparisons may be odious, one can't help but feel cheated by this slender and insufficient volume. There are a lot of pictures, as well as brief quotes from star Roy Thinnes and other people involved in the production of the show, but also a lot of padding, with biographies of not only everyone connected to the show but every actor who ever appeared as a guest-star! If the book serves any purpose at all, it may be to whet your appetite for viewing or re-viewing this very interesting series, but although all he offers in his notes of individual episodes are synopses, the author still manages to give away important plot points throughout the book. 

Verdict: Watch the series and forget about this. **. 

MISSION TO CARACAS

Roland Carey as agent Gil Becker

MISSION TO CARACAS/Mission speciale a Caracas/1965. Director: Raoul Andre. 

In Caracas Special agent Gil Becker (Roland Carey using the name "Rod Carter") is after a self-described evil Frenchman named Vasson (Saro Urzi). Vasson works with Madame de Lainville (Louise Carletti), the directress of an institution for underprivileged young girls, but she has no intention of being underprivileged herself. 

Agent Becker with femme fatale

Vasson exchanges a formula for a deadly neurotoxin, PK 23, for a bunch of diamonds from a consortium, which he passes off to Madame. On a cruise ship some of Madame's female associates try their damnedest to get the briefcase containing the diamonds away from the directress, with the result that she is thrown overboard and, later, six or seven of the gals engage in a protracted "cat fight." Meanwhile there are assorted spies who don't want the diamonds, but rather the briefcase, which contains special secret documents irradiated in such a way that the writing will eventually vanish. Dodging assorted spies and weapons, including a camera that doubles as a weapon, Becker does his best to outwit everyone. 

Paul Demange and Carey

Mission to Caracas is a pretty bad eurospy film. Believe me, it wasn't easy coming up with a coherent synopsis of the plot as there are so many characters working at cross purposes you need a scorecard. French-Swiss actor Carey makes a perfectly acceptable super-spy, but he appeared mostly in "peplum" movies; this was his only appearance as Gil Becker. Even dubbed, Urzi makes an impression as the slimy but charming Vasson. The movie is all but ruined by a horrible jazzy headache-inducing score that never matches up with the action on screen, and many of the action sequences are clumsily staged. A Spanish-Italian-French co-production.

Verdict: Try and follow it if you dare! *1/2. 

MURDER IN PEYTON PLACE

Stella Stevens

MURDER IN PEYTON PLACE (1977 telefilm). Director: Bruce Kessler. 

"I want to destroy Peyton Place." -- Stella Chernak

After two theatrical films and two TV series-- nighttime in 1969 and daytime in 1972 -- this TV movie returns to the lusty town of Peyton Place where Stella Chernak (Stella Stevens), a disgruntled former resident, is out for payback against real and imagined enemies. As Ryan O'Neal and Mia Farrow, who played lovers Rodney Harrington and Allison MacKenzie in the original series, had gone on to greener pastures -- Farrow only appears in a flashback -- they are (apparently) killed off in this sequel. Dorothy Malone and Tim O'Connor return as Allison's parents, as does Christopher Connelly as Rodney's brother, Norman and Ed Nelson [Attack of the Crab Monsters] as Dr. Rossi. The cast, characters and storylines of the afternoon soap Return to Peyton Place are ignored. 

Priscilla Morrill, Hedison, Nelson, Connolly

While the notion of a vengeful woman wanting to destroy an entire town sounds like it might at least be good television, this is not exactly The Visit. Murder in Peyton Place is, frankly dull, and while I was never a fan of the original series I can't imagine that those who were would be that pleased with this production. We know who the culprit is almost from the start, and Stella Stevens is surprisingly perfunctory as the villainess. Not even the presence of a boy toy (a creditable Robert Deman) and his mean-spirited Dobermans can help. The acting is of the soap opera variety, which means everyone is professional but no one exactly puts themselves out. Janet Margolin has replaced Barbara Parkins as Betty Anderson -- they look alike -- and David Hedison takes over from James Douglas as Steven Cord. Linda Gray plays Cord's wife. Marj Dusay is fine as Ellen Considine and Jonathan Goldsmith makes an impression as sexy bad boy Stan, who is married to one of Allison's sisters and fiddles with yet another.

Verdict: Things have never been more boring in Peyton Place! *1/2.  

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2021 TV SERIES)

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2021 Amazon Prime Original TV series). Created for television by Sara Goodman. 

After a high school graduation party attended by twins Lennon and Alison (Madison Iseman), one of these two is run over on the highway and the others in the car -- even though this was clearly an accident and the driver wasn't drunk -- decide to cover it up, putting the body in a cave where it will be washed out to sea. A year later Alison -- pretending to be Lennon -- sees the words I Know What You Did Last Summer scrawled across her mirror and freaks out, contacting her friends. Over eight mostly tedious episodes these friends are gruesomely murdered until the big reveal at the end. 

Well ... what can you say about this series? It would be all too easy to dismiss it as simply godawful but it does have some interesting elements to it, such as brain-eating spiders and a cult that hangs out in a cave, and some genuine suspense towards the end. Some of the murder scenes are at least somewhat inventive. It has very, very little relation to the novel by Lois Duncan and even to the film version of that book. But the biggest problem with the series is that the characters are virtually all obnoxious and unlikable and it's hard to sit through long scenes (hit that fast-forward button!) showing these dipshits partying and acting like a-holes. They come off more like slasher movie teens than real teenagers in any case. It makes absolutely no sense that these characters wouldn't go to the police after the first incredibly sick double-murder no matter what trouble they may or may not find themselves in due to the alleged "cover-up." . 

Madison Iseman sees something awful: the rushes or the script?

The series, which takes place in Hawaii, has a number of multi-cultural and LGBT characters, but their sexuality seems dragged in to satisfy the twists of the plot and to show some presumably hot girl-on-girl action -- somehow it just doesn't seem real. In general the scripting for the series is absolutely abysmal, with cringe-worthy dialogue, and the acting for much of the cast isn't much better. Madison Iseman is pretty awful as the twins, and some of the other "teens" are directed to act in a "cutesy" fashion that is incredibly off-putting. And as for that ending!

SPOILER ALERT

I must say that the identity of the psychotic killer came as a complete surprise to me, although on reflection it makes little sense and she has no real motive to commit such fiendish acts upon her supposed friends. What's worse, after the heroine is stabbed by the killer, she tells the police that the villain is a perfectly innocent male friend while she goes off hand in hand with the murderer! Is this progressive or shockingly regressive? (The first victims are a gay male couple.) One has to wonder who's worse: a killer lesbian or a bisexual (if that's what she is) woman who lets this very sick lady get away with murder, including the beheading of the only one in the cast who gives a damn about her. 

If you want to watch a decent slasher TV series I will recommend all seasons of Scream and the first season of Slasher. 

Verdict: Spare yourself nearly eight hours of watching this grisly tripe. **. 

LAST CALL

 LAST CALL: A True Story of Love, Lust, and Murder in Queer New York. Elon Green. Celadon Books; 2021. 

This excellent book looks at a horrifying series of murders of gay men in the 1990's and unfolds almost like a suspense-thriller as the author delves into the lives of the victims, and finally the killer, a male nurse who lived on Staten Island. Although apparently not gay, Green did enough research and interviews to get a sense of the gay bar scene at the time, and views all of the murdered men with compassion; they are not simply dismissed as can happen in other true-crime volumes. Green also looks at the many people investigating the crimes, the extreme homophobia of the period (especially due to AIDS), and the calls for a more intense look at the killings by such as the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and Anti-Violence Project. As the killer refused to do interviews with Green, we are not able to fully understand this monster, but can such people ever be fully understood?

Back in the day I frequented such bars as the Townhouse and the 5 Oaks, where some of the victims were regulars, and one of these poor men was a bar acquaintance that I saw virtually every time I went into the Oaks. I remember coming back from Boston and seeing this man's photo, along with the words serial killer in the paper, and was shocked. At first I thought the article was naming him as a killer, but it was worse -- he was the victim. None of the men who were killed deserved their fates. But at least their murderer was put away for life.

In the book the author wonders why these series of terrible murders have been virtually forgotten. I think the answer is that there have, unfortunately, been so many other serial killers since then who have captured the public's imagination. That the victims were gay men may also have played a part. Plus all the other things that have happened since the period captured in the tome. When you read books like this you realize that all of those movies about mad psychotics slaughtering people are in incredibly bad taste.

Verdict: Outstanding true crime story. ***1/2. 

MISSION BLOODY MARY

Dick Malloy (Ken Clark) works at his favorite occupation

MISSION BLOODY MARY (aka Agente 077 missione Bloody Mary/1965). Director: Sergio Grieco. 

"Bloody Mary" is the code name for a  new nuclear bomb called B-32. When the bomb is stolen from the wreckage of a plane that crashed in France, CIA agent 077, Dick Malloy (Ken Clark), is sent into action, taking time away from the women he loves to romance and bed. He has a stocky assistant named Lester (Antonio Gradoli) and also hooks up with a friendly taxi driver (Andrea Scotti) after escaping from a yacht. But his main contact is Dr. Elsa Freeman (Helga Line). Dick finds the bomb inside a block of stone inside a factory but then he has to do his best to keep enemy agents from getting their hands on it.

Ken Clark and Helga Line

Mission Bloody Mary is the second of three Dick Malloy films starring Ken Clark, best-known for the schlock classic Attack of the Giant Leeches. He's given a weird dubbed voice in this one, and his performance is hard to judge, but with a physique that puts Sean Connery's to shame, and an ability to love up the women and rough up the guys in more than adequate fashion, it's easy to see why he was cast in these Eurospy films, co-productions of France, Italy and Spain. 

Dick Malloy with colleague

At one point Malloy has to audaciously confirm Elsa's identity by looking at her naked breasts, which she, of course, allows him to do as the camera swings discreetly away. A bad guy who calls himself the "Black Lily" turns a room into a makeshift crematorium to get rid of a difficult colleague. There's a helpful cab driver, both Russian and Chinese agents, and some duplicitous individuals -- as well as the usual interesting locations, with a climax in Athens. This moves at a fast enough pace to keep you watching although it gets a little wearisome towards the end. The pop tune "Bloody Mary," composed by Ennio Morricone, plays over the title credits.

Verdict: Acceptable Eurospy fare. **1/4. 

NEARLY EIGHTEEN

NEARLY EIGHTEEN (1943). Director: Arthur Dreifuss. 

Gale Storm, who later went on to fame as the star of My Little Margie, was 21 when she made this Monogram cheapie musical. 17-year-old Jane Stanton (Storm) comes to New York to find work as a singer. She's almost hired by one saloon, until the owner discovers she's still a minor. Then a handsome manager (who's really a bookie), Tony (Rick Vallin), sends her over to a talent school run by Jack Leonard (William Henry). Unfortunately, the school doesn't take anyone over the age of 14, so Jane is forced to masquerade as a child. There were certainly exploitable and amusing elements in this picture, but none of them are developed in such a fashion as to provide meaty laughs. Storm, however, is poised, very attractive, and already shows signs of the talent for comedy that she'd display years later in two successful sitcoms. The scenes when Jack comes close to nearly kissing a girl he thinks is only 14 are kind of creepy. The best thing about the picture are the snappy musical numbers, such as "The Little Bell Rang," which are more-than-competently delivered by Storm, who sold a few successful records later in her career. 

Verdict: A passing storm on the way to better things. Nice songs, though, and Storm and her leading men are easy on the eyes. **.

LADY OF VENGEANCE

LADY OF VENGEANCE (1957). Director: Burt Balaban. 

William Marshall (Dennis O'Keefe), a tough American publisher in England, importunes a criminal mastermind, Karnak (Anton Diffring of Circus of Horrors), to plan the execution of the man he holds responsible for his pretty young ward, Melissa's, suicide-by-train. Obviously there are assorted complications. This movie is on the level of a TV production, with lots of unanswered questions, and a twist that sharp viewers will probably see coming. O'Keefe is well cast, even if he isn't quite up to his more emotional scenes. Ann Sears is lovely as the secretary who has long been in love with him. Anton Diffring is as sneeringly effective as ever as the ever-superior, stamp-collecting Karnak. Vernon Greeves is properly oily as the make-out artist and musician who dallies with Melissa. This isn't terrible, just not much to rave about. 

Verdict: Flaccid suspenser. **.

THE DOLL OF SATAN

Erna Schurer and Roland Carey

THE DOLL OF SATAN (aka La bambola di Satana/1969). Written and directed by Ferruccio Casapinta. 

Elizabeth (Erna Schurer) comes with her fiance, a writer named Jack (Roland Carey), to her wealthy late uncle's castle for the reading of his will. A mysterious hooded figure in black strangles the laywer Shinton (Domenico Ravenna) and hides his body. A neighbor, Paul (Ettore Ribotta), makes an offer for the castle while the governess, Carole (Lucia Bomez), acts all spooky and tells the others that her dead employer's crazy secretary, who survived an accident, is hidden away in the castle. What could go wrong?

Well, just about everything could go wrong with The Doll of Satan, which despite its pointless title and three bloodless murders is more of a mystery-suspense film than a horror giallo. Aside from a couple of decent fight scenes, especially at the climax, Doll is badly directed and edited and sort of clumps from scene to scene with no style, atmosphere, or energy. There is a no-name international cast that is probably perfectly adept if unlikely to win the Italian equivalent of an Oscar. Poorly photographed as well. This really could have used a few juicy murder scenes. Writer-director Casapinta never made another movie.

Verdict: Somehow holds the attention without ever amounting to much. **1/4. 
 

SECRET AGENT FIREBALL

Richard Harrison as agent Bob Fleming

SECRET AGENT FIREBALL (aka Le spie uccidono a Beirut/1965).  Director: Luciano Martino (Martin Donan)

American agent Bob Fleming (Richard Harrison) is assigned to locate a missing scientist before the Russians do. His boss gives him "unlimited expenses and permission to kill." When the scientist is murdered, Fleming must find a piece of microfilm that has a formula for the H bomb on it, and goes after the dead man's niece, Liz (Dominique Boschero), to see if she knows anything. Unfortunately, sinister Soviet agents have the same idea, and Fleming is forced to rescue the young lady more than once. 

Harrison and Dominique Boschero

This Italian Eurospy movie is typical of the genre, with a horny and ruthless hero, sadistic spies, a femme fatale, and a variety of colorful locations. Fleming is certainly not chivalrous, however. When he and another, older woman are kidnapped at one point, he escapes from the car they are in and just leaves her behind to be murdered! Although there is some globe-hopping, most of the action takes place in Beirut.

Richard Harrison

One spy uses a pipe that contains a lethal dart, used to kill the aforementioned scientist and others. A police car that suddenly turns into a boat reminds one of a sequence in the later Moonraker. There is a knife fight with the two participants tied together with a rope, and two lady wrestlers are the entertainment in a nightclub. Fleming is assisted by Lepetit (Alcide Borik), an alleged taxi driver who has a lot of tricks up his sleeve. Harrison makes a good-looking super-spy and handles both love scenes and fist fights with aplomb. He played Bob Fleming in a later film as well. 

Verdict: Not to be confused with a classy James Bond flick. **1/4. 

INCONCEIVABLE

Gina Gershon and Nicolas Cage

INCONCEIVABLE (2017). Director: Jonathan Baker. 

Brian (Nicolas Cage) and his wife Angela (Gina Gershon) encounter a troubled young woman named Katie (Nicky Whelan) who also has a young daughter. The two woman decide they can help each other out by letting Katie and her child move in, where she can act as nanny to Angela's little girl. Angela is okay with Katie having a girlfriend, who is eventually murdered. Later it is decided that Katie will be a surrogate for the couple's next child, but problems quickly begin to develop and things begin spiraling out of control. Katie not only lays claim to the child she's carrying, but to Angela and Brian's daughter as well, and the couple are shocked to find out why. Eventually things escalate into violence ... 

Faye Dunaway

Why anyone conceived that Inconceivable was a good idea is beyond me. It's all been done before -- and done better -- in movies such as The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Is the picture trying to be hip -- or regressive -- in employing a psychotic lesbian/bisexual as a character?  By now it should be apparent that Nicolas Cage will attach himself  to virtually any crappy project and can no longer be taken seriously as an "A" list actor. It's a question of who looks worse, Cage, or Faye Dunaway, with her collagen lips. In any case, the performances in this are good with Dunaway and a sympathetic Gershon coming off best. 

Verdict: A mediocre Lifetime  movie with bigger names. **. 

MURDER WITH MIRRORS

Helen Hayes and Bette Davis

MURDER WITH MIRRORS (1985 telefilm). Director: Dick Lowry. 

Told that there's something off about her old friend, Carrie Louise (Bette Davis), Miss Jane Marple comes to stay at her estate for a few days to investigate. Carrie's husband, Lewis (John Mills), is in charge of a home for juvenile delinquents, which adjoins the estate. One evening, while Lewis is arguing with a troubled young man, Edgar (Tim Roth), who insists he is Lewis' biological son, family lawyer Christian Gilbranson (John Woodwine) is shot in the study. Then it turns out that someone is apparently trying to poison Carrie Louise. Suspects include granddaughter Gina (Liane Langland), her husband Wally (John Laughlin), her Aunt Mildred (Dorothy Tutin), Steven Restarick (James Coombs), who has a hankering for Gina, and others. 

Dorothy Tutin as Mildred

Murder with Mirrors is based on a fairly clever Agatha Christie novel, and this is a fair-to-middling adaptation. Although Hayes is by no means perfect casting as the very British Miss Marple -- she doesn't even try to affect an accent -- she is a strong enough actress to pull it off in spite of it. Although clearly affected by her recent stroke (it is explained that she is getting over the flu!), Davis is also better than expected. Leo McKern scores as Inspector Curry, and Mills is fine as well. The others are all professional, with Roth and Tutin giving especially notable performances. Langland is perhaps too irrepressible as the very outgoing Gina. The changes made to the story aren't necessary. 

Verdict: Minor-league but entertaining-enough Christie adaptation. **1/4. 

 

THOSE (MOSTLY) FORGOTTEN OLD COP SHOWS # 1

Lee Marvin of M Squad

THOSE (MOSTLY) FORGOTTEN OLD COP SHOWS # 1.

M Squad (1957 - 1960). In this series, which lasted three seasons, Chicago cop Detective Lt. Frank Ballinger (Lee Marvin) works to solve cases of homicide and so on in the Windy City. In "Pete Loves Mary" a murderer (Mike Connors of Voodoo Woman) breaks out of jail, but the main character is his adoring -- and ultimately disillusioned -- younger brother, played by Bobby Driscoll. In "Lover's Lane Killing," a rich gal's fiance is found dead, with Ruta Lee as guest-star. "The Fight" features Charles Bronson as a boxer who "killed" an opponent and now is facing attempts on his own life. Lee Marvin is terrific and convincing as the cop, and based on the very few episodes I've seen, M Squad looks like a pretty good show. The entire series is now on DVD.

John Compton

The D.A.'s Man (1959) stars Ralph Manza as Assistant District Attorney Al Bonacorsi and John Compton as Shannon, a handsome special investigator. (Not to be confused with the show, Shannon, in which George Nader played an investigator.) I've seen only two episodes of this show, which lasted one season. "Girl's Best Friend" is a mediocre entry about a group of jewel thieves, and the excellent "Witness" has a little boy seeing his (literal) godfather murder a mob rival in his home. This episode has a teleplay by Bruce Geller of Mission: Impossible fame and Jack Webb of Dragnet. Both Manza and Compton are effective in their roles, with Shannon getting beaten up as Bonacorsi shows up to wrap things up neatly at the end. I hope more of these will become available. The show has an interesting theme by Frank Comstock.

Verdict: M Squad: ***. D.A.'s Man: **3/4. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2021. 

If you can do without the Covid crowds just stay home on Halloween and watch some good -- or so bad they're good -- horror movies. This week we've got a fresh crop of films to watch and books to read on both this blog -- and in a few days -- Great Old Movies as well. 

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (2006). Director: Simon West. 

Jill Johnson (Camilla Belle) is hired by a doctor and his wife to babysit their two young children, who are asleep upstairs in their luxurious estate complete with aviary and goldfish pond. Jill begins to receive strange phone calls in which she hears someone breathing, and then a sinister and threatening voice. She gets a shock when she discovers exactly where the calls are coming from and engages in a fight for survival for her and her two charges against a maniacal intruder. 

When a Stranger Calls is loosely based on the original film of the same name, which in turn was based on a film short by Fred Walton. Instead of merely remaking the first movie, which had three acts (much of which had little to do with a terrified babysitter), Stranger manages the admirable feat of expanding the short into a full-length feature of just one setting and one act (aside from a brief prologue). What is even more amazing is that the film is able to sustain  tension and suspense over an hour and a half, building inexorably to an exciting and frightening climax.

When a Stranger Calls is not a slasher film and gore geeks will be disappointed, but the film is well-made enough that it doesn't need the lopped-off limbs and spurting blood so frequently seen in modern-day horror films. Camilla Belle's performance is at times on the amateurish side, but even that doesn't harm the movie too badly. With slick direction from Simon West, high-class cinematography by Peter Menzies, Jr., and an effective score by Jim Dooley, this one is a winner all the way. 

Verdict: Well-made, creepy and absorbing thriller. ***.  

POPULATION /436

POPULATION /436 (2006). Director: Michelle MacLaren. 

Census taker Steve Kady (Jeremy Sisto of Law and Order) shows up in the bucolic small town of Rockwell Falls, where he discovers that year after year the population remains exactly the same: 436 people. As Steve leisurely interviews the assorted townspeople, he finds himself falling for a pretty young lady, Courtney (Charlotte Sullivan), who happens to be keeping company with the friendly Deputy Caine (Fred Durst). Steve discovers that odd things are happening in Rockwell Falls and an act of sudden and shocking violence makes clear to him why the population always stays the same. The question is: can he and Courtney ever get out of the place? 

Jeremy Sisto

Population 436 borrows from numerous sources -- The Lottery, Harvest Home, The Stepford Wives, The Wicker Man and even Brigadoon -- but on its own terms it's a suspenseful story, bolstered by some good photography (Thomas Burstyn), music (Glenn Buhr), and good performances from Sisto and Durst (who is especially notable) and several members of the supporting cast. Maybe it's the overfamiliarity of the plot -- another "small town with a dread secret" -- or a lack of true intensity, a kind of TV movie feel, that keeps this from being more memorable, although it is nevertheless compelling for most of its length.

Verdict: Perhaps not quite top-notch but worth a look. **3/4.   

THE SCHOELLECTION

THE SCHOELLECTION. 2021. Encyclopocalypse publishers. 

Will the horror never end?

Yes, all of my eight vintage horror-suspense novels have been re-published in paperback editions. The titles -- Things that Go Bump in the Night, Shivers, Late at Night, Vicious, Saurian, Dragon, The Pact, Fatal Beauty -- can be bought separately as trade paperbacks, or combined into one mass market paperback, with two books in each volume:

The Schoellection (I love it!) 

Volume One: Things that Go Bump in the Night and Shivers.

Volume Two: Late at Night and Vicious. 

Volume Three: Saurian and The Pact. 

Volume Four: Dragon and Fatal Beauty. 

Each title is also available as an e-book from Cemetery Dance publishers. 

You can see all the editions of my books on Amazon. 

NOTE: My most recent novel, Monster World, is also available on Anazon for Kindle. (Paperback coming soon!)

I'LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

Brooke Nevin and David Paetkau

I'LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2006). Director: Sylvain White. 

At a 4th of July celebration in a small town in Colorado, a prank that revolves around a series of slayings years ago turns into a tragedy and a resulting cover-up.  A year later Amber (Brooke Nevin), her boyfriend, Colby (David Paetkau) and their friends receive "I Know What You Did" text messages and eventually find themselves stalked and murdered by the fisherman-with-a-hook killer of the first two films in this series. 

The cast discover a corpse

I'll Always Know is, surprisingly, not a remake of I Know What You Did Last Summer, but the second sequel to the film, and it refers to events in the first two movies. The fisherman killer has been turned into a kind of supernatural force -- a la Freddie, Jason and Michael Myers -- which may explain the character's ability to cheat death but is most likely an attempt to create a new horror franchise. This is unlikely, given that the film is mediocre, has an off-putting lack of style, as well as a lack of energy and thrills, and is poorly directed and edited. Horror fanatics may watch it until the end -- and it does hold the attention for the most part -- but it's not a memorable entry in the slasher sweepstakes. 

Verdict: One summer you don't need to revisit. **. 

A QUIET PLACE

Emily Blunt

A QUIET PLACE (2018). Director: John Krasinski. 

In the near-future the world seems to have been virtually wiped out by strange, fast-moving creatures that are attracted by sound. Evelyn Abbott (Emily Blunt of Irresistible) and her family -- husband Lee (John Krasinksi, who also directed), daughter Regan (Millicent Simmonds), and son Marcus (Noah Jupe) -- periodically leave their isolated home for food raids in the nearby town, but one afternoon their little boy (Cade Woodward) is snatched and never seen again. Evelyn is pregnant, and the family -- while remaining as quiet as possible -- must figure out a way to keep the screams of an infant from attracting the monsters when the baby  arrives ... 

In the grain bin

A Quiet Place has an interesting premise and other notable attributes. The film is well-cast with actors who not only have talent but great expressive faces, which along with the script help add a strong emotional component to the movie, something missing from most monster flicks. At times there's a Perils of Pauline quality to the movie, with one desperate incident piled on top of one another, and memorable scenes include the grisly sacrifice of one major character, a harrowing sequence set in a grain bin, the birth of the baby, among others. The film also boasts striking cinematography by Charlotte Bruus Christensen.

However, there's no getting around the fact that the film features contrived situations made to maximize the suspense and tension, so the moody film won't work for everyone, but in general it's a worthwhile thriller with several good sequences. I was hoping that the sequel would go in a different direction and offer some explanation for the creatures' existence, but instead I hear that this is simply a continuation of the first film. In other words, more of the same. 

Verdict: Sort of like a high-class Roger Corman movie. ***.