I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2021 TV SERIES)

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2021 Amazon Prime Original TV series). Created for television by Sara Goodman. 

After a high school graduation party attended by twins Lennon and Alison (Madison Iseman), one of these two is run over on the highway and the others in the car -- even though this was clearly an accident and the driver wasn't drunk -- decide to cover it up, putting the body in a cave where it will be washed out to sea. A year later Alison -- pretending to be Lennon -- sees the words I Know What You Did Last Summer scrawled across her mirror and freaks out, contacting her friends. Over eight mostly tedious episodes these friends are gruesomely murdered until the big reveal at the end. 

Well ... what can you say about this series? It would be all too easy to dismiss it as simply godawful but it does have some interesting elements to it, such as brain-eating spiders and a cult that hangs out in a cave, and some genuine suspense towards the end. Some of the murder scenes are at least somewhat inventive. It has very, very little relation to the novel by Lois Duncan and even to the film version of that book. But the biggest problem with the series is that the characters are virtually all obnoxious and unlikable and it's hard to sit through long scenes (hit that fast-forward button!) showing these dipshits partying and acting like a-holes. They come off more like slasher movie teens than real teenagers in any case. It makes absolutely no sense that these characters wouldn't go to the police after the first incredibly sick double-murder no matter what trouble they may or may not find themselves in due to the alleged "cover-up." . 

Madison Iseman sees something awful: the rushes or the script?

The series, which takes place in Hawaii, has a number of multi-cultural and LGBT characters, but their sexuality seems dragged in to satisfy the twists of the plot and to show some presumably hot girl-on-girl action -- somehow it just doesn't seem real. In general the scripting for the series is absolutely abysmal, with cringe-worthy dialogue, and the acting for much of the cast isn't much better. Madison Iseman is pretty awful as the twins, and some of the other "teens" are directed to act in a "cutesy" fashion that is incredibly off-putting. And as for that ending!

SPOILER ALERT

I must say that the identity of the psychotic killer came as a complete surprise to me, although on reflection it makes little sense and she has no real motive to commit such fiendish acts upon her supposed friends. What's worse, after the heroine is stabbed by the killer, she tells the police that the villain is a perfectly innocent male friend while she goes off hand in hand with the murderer! Is this progressive or shockingly regressive? (The first victims are a gay male couple.) One has to wonder who's worse: a killer lesbian or a bisexual (if that's what she is) woman who lets this very sick lady get away with murder, including the beheading of the only one in the cast who gives a damn about her. 

If you want to watch a decent slasher TV series I will recommend all seasons of Scream and the first season of Slasher. 

Verdict: Spare yourself nearly eight hours of watching this grisly tripe. **. 

LAST CALL

 LAST CALL: A True Story of Love, Lust, and Murder in Queer New York. Elon Green. Celadon Books; 2021. 

This excellent book looks at a horrifying series of murders of gay men in the 1990's and unfolds almost like a suspense-thriller as the author delves into the lives of the victims, and finally the killer, a male nurse who lived on Staten Island. Although apparently not gay, Green did enough research and interviews to get a sense of the gay bar scene at the time, and views all of the murdered men with compassion; they are not simply dismissed as can happen in other true-crime volumes. Green also looks at the many people investigating the crimes, the extreme homophobia of the period (especially due to AIDS), and the calls for a more intense look at the killings by such as the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and Anti-Violence Project. As the killer refused to do interviews with Green, we are not able to fully understand this monster, but can such people ever be fully understood?

Back in the day I frequented such bars as the Townhouse and the 5 Oaks, where some of the victims were regulars, and one of these poor men was a bar acquaintance that I saw virtually every time I went into the Oaks. I remember coming back from Boston and seeing this man's photo, along with the words serial killer in the paper, and was shocked. At first I thought the article was naming him as a killer, but it was worse -- he was the victim. None of the men who were killed deserved their fates. But at least their murderer was put away for life.

In the book the author wonders why these series of terrible murders have been virtually forgotten. I think the answer is that there have, unfortunately, been so many other serial killers since then who have captured the public's imagination. That the victims were gay men may also have played a part. Plus all the other things that have happened since the period captured in the tome. When you read books like this you realize that all of those movies about mad psychotics slaughtering people are in incredibly bad taste.

Verdict: Outstanding true crime story. ***1/2. 

MISSION BLOODY MARY

Dick Malloy (Ken Clark) works at his favorite occupation

MISSION BLOODY MARY (aka Agente 077 missione Bloody Mary/1965). Director: Sergio Grieco. 

"Bloody Mary" is the code name for a  new nuclear bomb called B-32. When the bomb is stolen from the wreckage of a plane that crashed in France, CIA agent 077, Dick Malloy (Ken Clark), is sent into action, taking time away from the women he loves to romance and bed. He has a stocky assistant named Lester (Antonio Gradoli) and also hooks up with a friendly taxi driver (Andrea Scotti) after escaping from a yacht. But his main contact is Dr. Elsa Freeman (Helga Line). Dick finds the bomb inside a block of stone inside a factory but then he has to do his best to keep enemy agents from getting their hands on it.

Ken Clark and Helga Line

Mission Bloody Mary is the second of three Dick Malloy films starring Ken Clark, best-known for the schlock classic Attack of the Giant Leeches. He's given a weird dubbed voice in this one, and his performance is hard to judge, but with a physique that puts Sean Connery's to shame, and an ability to love up the women and rough up the guys in more than adequate fashion, it's easy to see why he was cast in these Eurospy films, co-productions of France, Italy and Spain. 

Dick Malloy with colleague

At one point Malloy has to audaciously confirm Elsa's identity by looking at her naked breasts, which she, of course, allows him to do as the camera swings discreetly away. A bad guy who calls himself the "Black Lily" turns a room into a makeshift crematorium to get rid of a difficult colleague. There's a helpful cab driver, both Russian and Chinese agents, and some duplicitous individuals -- as well as the usual interesting locations, with a climax in Athens. This moves at a fast enough pace to keep you watching although it gets a little wearisome towards the end. The pop tune "Bloody Mary," composed by Ennio Morricone, plays over the title credits.

Verdict: Acceptable Eurospy fare. **1/4. 

NEARLY EIGHTEEN

NEARLY EIGHTEEN (1943). Director: Arthur Dreifuss. 

Gale Storm, who later went on to fame as the star of My Little Margie, was 21 when she made this Monogram cheapie musical. 17-year-old Jane Stanton (Storm) comes to New York to find work as a singer. She's almost hired by one saloon, until the owner discovers she's still a minor. Then a handsome manager (who's really a bookie), Tony (Rick Vallin), sends her over to a talent school run by Jack Leonard (William Henry). Unfortunately, the school doesn't take anyone over the age of 14, so Jane is forced to masquerade as a child. There were certainly exploitable and amusing elements in this picture, but none of them are developed in such a fashion as to provide meaty laughs. Storm, however, is poised, very attractive, and already shows signs of the talent for comedy that she'd display years later in two successful sitcoms. The scenes when Jack comes close to nearly kissing a girl he thinks is only 14 are kind of creepy. The best thing about the picture are the snappy musical numbers, such as "The Little Bell Rang," which are more-than-competently delivered by Storm, who sold a few successful records later in her career. 

Verdict: A passing storm on the way to better things. Nice songs, though, and Storm and her leading men are easy on the eyes. **.

LADY OF VENGEANCE

LADY OF VENGEANCE (1957). Director: Burt Balaban. 

William Marshall (Dennis O'Keefe), a tough American publisher in England, importunes a criminal mastermind, Karnak (Anton Diffring of Circus of Horrors), to plan the execution of the man he holds responsible for his pretty young ward, Melissa's, suicide-by-train. Obviously there are assorted complications. This movie is on the level of a TV production, with lots of unanswered questions, and a twist that sharp viewers will probably see coming. O'Keefe is well cast, even if he isn't quite up to his more emotional scenes. Ann Sears is lovely as the secretary who has long been in love with him. Anton Diffring is as sneeringly effective as ever as the ever-superior, stamp-collecting Karnak. Vernon Greeves is properly oily as the make-out artist and musician who dallies with Melissa. This isn't terrible, just not much to rave about. 

Verdict: Flaccid suspenser. **.

THE DOLL OF SATAN

Erna Schurer and Roland Carey

THE DOLL OF SATAN (aka La bambola di Satana/1969). Written and directed by Ferruccio Casapinta. 

Elizabeth (Erna Schurer) comes with her fiance, a writer named Jack (Roland Carey), to her wealthy late uncle's castle for the reading of his will. A mysterious hooded figure in black strangles the laywer Shinton (Domenico Ravenna) and hides his body. A neighbor, Paul (Ettore Ribotta), makes an offer for the castle while the governess, Carole (Lucia Bomez), acts all spooky and tells the others that her dead employer's crazy secretary, who survived an accident, is hidden away in the castle. What could go wrong?

Well, just about everything could go wrong with The Doll of Satan, which despite its pointless title and three bloodless murders is more of a mystery-suspense film than a horror giallo. Aside from a couple of decent fight scenes, especially at the climax, Doll is badly directed and edited and sort of clumps from scene to scene with no style, atmosphere, or energy. There is a no-name international cast that is probably perfectly adept if unlikely to win the Italian equivalent of an Oscar. Poorly photographed as well. This really could have used a few juicy murder scenes. Writer-director Casapinta never made another movie.

Verdict: Somehow holds the attention without ever amounting to much. **1/4. 
 

SECRET AGENT FIREBALL

Richard Harrison as agent Bob Fleming

SECRET AGENT FIREBALL (aka Le spie uccidono a Beirut/1965).  Director: Luciano Martino (Martin Donan)

American agent Bob Fleming (Richard Harrison) is assigned to locate a missing scientist before the Russians do. His boss gives him "unlimited expenses and permission to kill." When the scientist is murdered, Fleming must find a piece of microfilm that has a formula for the H bomb on it, and goes after the dead man's niece, Liz (Dominique Boschero), to see if she knows anything. Unfortunately, sinister Soviet agents have the same idea, and Fleming is forced to rescue the young lady more than once. 

Harrison and Dominique Boschero

This Italian Eurospy movie is typical of the genre, with a horny and ruthless hero, sadistic spies, a femme fatale, and a variety of colorful locations. Fleming is certainly not chivalrous, however. When he and another, older woman are kidnapped at one point, he escapes from the car they are in and just leaves her behind to be murdered! Although there is some globe-hopping, most of the action takes place in Beirut.

Richard Harrison

One spy uses a pipe that contains a lethal dart, used to kill the aforementioned scientist and others. A police car that suddenly turns into a boat reminds one of a sequence in the later Moonraker. There is a knife fight with the two participants tied together with a rope, and two lady wrestlers are the entertainment in a nightclub. Fleming is assisted by Lepetit (Alcide Borik), an alleged taxi driver who has a lot of tricks up his sleeve. Harrison makes a good-looking super-spy and handles both love scenes and fist fights with aplomb. He played Bob Fleming in a later film as well. 

Verdict: Not to be confused with a classy James Bond flick. **1/4. 

INCONCEIVABLE

Gina Gershon and Nicolas Cage

INCONCEIVABLE (2017). Director: Jonathan Baker. 

Brian (Nicolas Cage) and his wife Angela (Gina Gershon) encounter a troubled young woman named Katie (Nicky Whelan) who also has a young daughter. The two woman decide they can help each other out by letting Katie and her child move in, where she can act as nanny to Angela's little girl. Angela is okay with Katie having a girlfriend, who is eventually murdered. Later it is decided that Katie will be a surrogate for the couple's next child, but problems quickly begin to develop and things begin spiraling out of control. Katie not only lays claim to the child she's carrying, but to Angela and Brian's daughter as well, and the couple are shocked to find out why. Eventually things escalate into violence ... 

Faye Dunaway

Why anyone conceived that Inconceivable was a good idea is beyond me. It's all been done before -- and done better -- in movies such as The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Is the picture trying to be hip -- or regressive -- in employing a psychotic lesbian/bisexual as a character?  By now it should be apparent that Nicolas Cage will attach himself  to virtually any crappy project and can no longer be taken seriously as an "A" list actor. It's a question of who looks worse, Cage, or Faye Dunaway, with her collagen lips. In any case, the performances in this are good with Dunaway and a sympathetic Gershon coming off best. 

Verdict: A mediocre Lifetime  movie with bigger names. **. 

MURDER WITH MIRRORS

Helen Hayes and Bette Davis

MURDER WITH MIRRORS (1985 telefilm). Director: Dick Lowry. 

Told that there's something off about her old friend, Carrie Louise (Bette Davis), Miss Jane Marple comes to stay at her estate for a few days to investigate. Carrie's husband, Lewis (John Mills), is in charge of a home for juvenile delinquents, which adjoins the estate. One evening, while Lewis is arguing with a troubled young man, Edgar (Tim Roth), who insists he is Lewis' biological son, family lawyer Christian Gilbranson (John Woodwine) is shot in the study. Then it turns out that someone is apparently trying to poison Carrie Louise. Suspects include granddaughter Gina (Liane Langland), her husband Wally (John Laughlin), her Aunt Mildred (Dorothy Tutin), Steven Restarick (James Coombs), who has a hankering for Gina, and others. 

Dorothy Tutin as Mildred

Murder with Mirrors is based on a fairly clever Agatha Christie novel, and this is a fair-to-middling adaptation. Although Hayes is by no means perfect casting as the very British Miss Marple -- she doesn't even try to affect an accent -- she is a strong enough actress to pull it off in spite of it. Although clearly affected by her recent stroke (it is explained that she is getting over the flu!), Davis is also better than expected. Leo McKern scores as Inspector Curry, and Mills is fine as well. The others are all professional, with Roth and Tutin giving especially notable performances. Langland is perhaps too irrepressible as the very outgoing Gina. The changes made to the story aren't necessary. 

Verdict: Minor-league but entertaining-enough Christie adaptation. **1/4. 

 

THOSE (MOSTLY) FORGOTTEN OLD COP SHOWS # 1

Lee Marvin of M Squad

THOSE (MOSTLY) FORGOTTEN OLD COP SHOWS # 1.

M Squad (1957 - 1960). In this series, which lasted three seasons, Chicago cop Detective Lt. Frank Ballinger (Lee Marvin) works to solve cases of homicide and so on in the Windy City. In "Pete Loves Mary" a murderer (Mike Connors of Voodoo Woman) breaks out of jail, but the main character is his adoring -- and ultimately disillusioned -- younger brother, played by Bobby Driscoll. In "Lover's Lane Killing," a rich gal's fiance is found dead, with Ruta Lee as guest-star. "The Fight" features Charles Bronson as a boxer who "killed" an opponent and now is facing attempts on his own life. Lee Marvin is terrific and convincing as the cop, and based on the very few episodes I've seen, M Squad looks like a pretty good show. The entire series is now on DVD.

John Compton

The D.A.'s Man (1959) stars Ralph Manza as Assistant District Attorney Al Bonacorsi and John Compton as Shannon, a handsome special investigator. (Not to be confused with the show, Shannon, in which George Nader played an investigator.) I've seen only two episodes of this show, which lasted one season. "Girl's Best Friend" is a mediocre entry about a group of jewel thieves, and the excellent "Witness" has a little boy seeing his (literal) godfather murder a mob rival in his home. This episode has a teleplay by Bruce Geller of Mission: Impossible fame and Jack Webb of Dragnet. Both Manza and Compton are effective in their roles, with Shannon getting beaten up as Bonacorsi shows up to wrap things up neatly at the end. I hope more of these will become available. The show has an interesting theme by Frank Comstock.

Verdict: M Squad: ***. D.A.'s Man: **3/4.