CITADEL

Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Richard Madden

CITADEL (2023 - 2026 TV series/Amazon Prime). 

A spy organization called Citadel has essentially been wiped out by a criminal cartel called Manticore. Citadel agents, including Mason Kane (Richard Madden of Eternals) and Nadia Sinh (Priyanka Chopra Jonas), have had their minds wiped and been given new identities. Mason was married to Nadia, but in his new identity is married to Abby (Ashleigh Cummings). The Citadel agents practically kill each other until their original identities are brought back via a special injection. Meanwhile Bernard Orlick (Stanley Tucci), is doing his best to gather all of the surviving Citadel agents together to take on Manticore, which still wants to exterminate them all. At the end of the first season, Mason discovers that the head of Manticore is his own mother, Dahlia (Lesley Manville). 

Stanley Tucci

In the second season, which didn't come out until nearly three years after the first, the main storyline deals with attempts to (supposedly) stop the assassination of the Russian president, so that the "right" people can employ his state-of-the-art spy satellites. The villain in this is Paulo Braga (Gabriel Leone), who plans to send an assassin outfitted with a chip in the brain that can control a person's mind. Mason winds up in an uncomfortable alliance with his evil mother. Mason and Nadia are also enveloped in a real love-hate relationship while he tries to deal with his feelings for both Nadia and Abby (both women have young daughters with Mason).

Citadel could be written off as a confusing mess if it weren't for the fact that it has many exciting and suspenseful moments and is very well acted, especially by Tucci and Leone. Reportedly the budget for this show, one of the most expensive ever made, was over 300 million, and much of it shows in the lavish look of the globe-hopping series. At times the ultra-fast editing is a little too frenetic, however, so you can't always follow who's beating up whom, although the fight scenes are generally well-choreographed (if not as well as in those old cliffhanger serials). Entertaining enough while you're watching it, you will probably forget Citadel the moment you turn if off -- it's all stuff and nonsense. Although it tries in some ways to ape the Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible films, it is not on the same level. By the time of the final season two episode, two of the leads have been written out of the program. 

Verdict: Somehow I doubt that there will be a third season of Citadel, a modern-day take on The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (read Citadel for UNCLE and Manticore for THRUSH). **3/4. 

UNCLE: THE SORT-OF-DO-IT-YOURSELF-DREADFUL AFFAIR

Model A-77 (Willi Koopman) goes on the rampage 

THE SORT-OF-DO-IT-YOURSELF-DREADFUL AFFAIR (1966). The Man from Uncle; season three; episode two. Teleplay by Harlan Ellison. Director: E. Darrell. Hallenbeck. 

Trying to get at some files from the evil organization Thrush, UNCLE agent Napoleon Solo (Robert Vaughn) encounters a strange guardian of the files: a beautiful woman who is impervious to bullets and seems super-strong. She turns out to be a cyborg, mostly artificial but with some human parts. The cyborg's face is modeled on a young lady who was the roommate of "Andy" Francis (Jeannine Riley), who gets involved with Solo and Illya (David McCallum) on their investigation. 

David McCallum and Robert Vaughn

Thrush, which is already a very wealthy organization, wants a billion dollar loan and Napoleon poses as a representative of the bank. Thrush's goal is to build a great many of these cyborgs "to help mankind," although their true purpose will be to act as unexpected soldiers. The scientist behind this is the unwitting Dr. Pertwee (Woodrow Parfrey), while his Thrush liaison is the sensual Margo Hayward (Pamela Curran). Eventually our heroes, along with Andy, manage to get into Thrush's New York headquarters, where they find themselves up against not only the forces of Thrush, but a whole bevy of beautiful and deadly killer cyborgs. 

She-Cyborgs on the loose! 

By the third season of the show, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. had become increasingly absurd and campy, trying too hard to imitate Batman or Get Smart. Nevertheless, some of the third season episodes at least had some amusing entertainment value. While one could argue that "The Sort-of-Do-It-Yourself-Dreadful Affair" is an example of why TV was called the "boob tube," the episode still has several points of interest. It is one of only a couple of episodes scripted by speculative fiction writer Harlan Ellison, for one thing. Underneath the bizarre aspects, there is something unsettling about the premise, as well as the fate of the innocent woman whose face and fabric is stolen after her accidental death. 

Pamela Curran

Both Vaughn [Solo] and McCallum hold on to their dignity despite the far-out quality of the story, and with her mature sex kitten and sinister persona Pamela Curran makes her mark as Margo. Veteran actor Fritz Feld [The Catman of Paris] is a delight as a representative of the bank, who is nearly apoplectic at all the goings-on, and Naomi Stevens has a funny bit as a phony fortune teller with a bad case of heartburn. The music when the cyborgs go on the rampage is wild. The A-77 cyborgs are played by Willi Koopman (whose first name is misspelled "Willy" in the closing credits), a very attractive actress who had only a few credits, mostly in decorative roles. This episode may well have been inspired by Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine, which came out the previous year, and its 1966 follow-up, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, both of which were much, much worse than "Do-It-Yourself Dreadful." 

Verdict: Frankly there have been much better episodes of this series, but this one is oddly engaging. ***.

TOP SECRET

Gordon Scott

TOP SECRET (aka Segretissimo/1967). Director: Fernando Cerchio. 

Baron Von Klausen (Antonio Gradoli) has escaped from the communists and brought with him some top secret documents. But there is a question if this man is the real Von Klausen. Agent John Sutton (Gordon Scott) is assigned to find out what he can and comes afoul of thugs and lethal ladies in Casablanca, Rome and Naples. Sandra Dubois (Magda Konopka) is a beautiful Russian spy and Zaira (Aurora de Alba) is working with "Von Klausen" and his associates. It is a question who will snatch the documents away from Von Klausen's group: Sutton or the beautiful and highly competent Sandra. 

Magda Konopka

Top Secret is an above average eurospy film, certainly better than Scott's other 1967 spy outing Danger!! Death Ray. It has moments of intentional humor, a fast pace and light tone, and the players, including Scott, are all adept and enthusiastic. Polish actress (and baroness) Magda Konopka is so beautiful and sexy as the Russian spy that it's amazing that she never wound up in a James Bond movie (although she reportedly had an affair with Sean Connery, which makes her absence from the 007 films even stranger). The same year Top Secret came out Konopka married a billionaire but the marriage only lasted three months. She later wound up in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth.

Top Secret

Scott and Konopka share an intimate moment

 has many entertaining sequences, although a bit with a conveyor belt death trap is too brief. Sutton also winds up being pulled up in the air by a copter as he swings helplessly in the cage below (but not enough is done with this sequence). The best bit has Sutton and Sandra locked in an automobile that's been deposited on the tracks as a train rapidly approaches, but our hero manages to free the two of them in the nick of time. At one point an angry Sutton actually hits Sandra, but she gets the better of him with her own martial arts moves. In a later scene Sutton is kidnapped by a pack of "nuns," one of which is a man in drag. Oddly, Scott's name does not appear in the opening credits. The "dabba dabba" theme song is horrible.

Verdict: Sexy leads, nasty nuns -- what more could you ask for? **3/4. 

WITH A MIND TO KILL

 WITH A MIND TO KILL. A James Bond Novel. Anthony Horowitz. 2022; Harper. 

This novel takes place directly after Ian Fleming's excellent final 007 adventure, The Man with the Golden Gun. In that story an amnesiac Bond had been captured by Russians, brainwashed, and sent to kill M, a plot which fortunately fails. Bond was then deprogrammed, and sent into action against assassin Scaramanga -- he proves that he still has the right stuff when he succeeds in his mission. So now M decides on a daring plan -- he will be supposedly assassinated by Bond, who will return to Russia as a fugitive, still brainwashed -- (or so it is hoped that the Russians will believe) -- to find out what's up with a new organization, Stalnaya Ruka (Steel Hand)  that is planning some deadly offensive action. 

Right away Bond falls under suspicion from Colonel Boris, the master of mind control. He also has to convince Boris' beautiful colleague, Katya Leonova -- another person who supervised his brainwashing -- that he is still under their influence. Bond has very mixed emotions about Katya, hating her for her part in what was done to him, but also feeling an undeniable attraction toward her, and coming to feel that she had no choice but to do what she did to him. She is a fascinating character.

Although Bond privately refers to the bullet wound given to him during his adventure with Scaramanga, it is somewhat improbable that M wouldn't have had this taken care of, as it indicates that Bond was somewhere where he shouldn't have been during those months he was supposedly in England. it is even more improbable that none of the Russians notice this wound and wonder or ask about it. 

As the novel progresses the suspense increases as Bond has to pass certain tests, including the elimination of a certain agent in the (architecturally-stunning) Komsomolskaya subway station. As Bond and Katya grow closer he wonders if he can truly trust her. Then Bond is given an assignment to assassinate a certain party in East Berlin at the state opera. Even if he's successful in his mission, will he be able to get out of East Berlin? 

Verdict: Despite some moments that might give the reader pause, this is an exciting and memorable Bond adventure. ***. 

FOREVER AND A DAY

FOREVER AND A DAY. A James Bond Novel. Anthony Horowitz. Harper; 2018. 

Horowitz' second 007 novel after Trigger Mortis is a prequel that takes place before the events of Ian Fleming's first Bond adventure, Casino Royale, post-WW2. The original 007 is killed while investigating Corsican mobsters who have for some reason seemed to have left behind the highly profitable heroin trade -- but what are they up to now, M wonders. James Bond is given the License to Kill and asks to take the 007 number as a homage to the late operative, and continues the dead man's investigation in Marseilles. There he encounters CIA agent Reade Griffith as well as a beautiful older lady, an adventuress, named Sixtine, whose back story is fascinating. Sixtine not only teams up with Bond, but in some retrograde continuity that some readers may choose to reject, she's in part responsible for his taste in martinis and his bedmanship abilities. 

There are two main villains in Forever and a Day: Jean-Paul Scipio and Irwin Wolfe. The former is a monstrously corpulent mobster who threatens Bond's face with an acid bath although he doesn't really want to wreck his good looks. (Bond is confused over this even though a report on Scipio suggests that he's homosexual, making 007 seem not only unsophisticated but a bit dumb). Irwin Wolfe is an American billionaire who makes film stock and is bitter over the deaths of his two sons in WW2. The two have cooked up a scheme on Wolfe's huge new ocean liner that threatens society. Against all odds, the captured Bond and Sixtine do their level best to sink the liner and its cargo. 

For most of its length Forever and a Day is suspenseful and entertaining, although your eyebrows may rise over certain actions and attitudes of Bond, especially during the post script. Making Scipio gay seems more regressive than anything else, and his plans for 007 -- to turn him into a heroin addict who will become compliant in everything Scipio wants so the agent can get his fix -- is in questionable taste. Despite some very good scenes, Forever and a Day is a step backward from Trigger Mortis. 

Verdict: Bond fans do not have to consider this adventure canon. **3/4. 

SCORPIUS

SCORPIUS. John Gardner. Putnam's; 1988.

Absolutely one of Gardner's best 007 efforts, and one of the most entertaining and chilling Bond novels ever written. Bond takes on a malevolent cult leader named Father Valentine, who turns out to be none other than loathsome arms dealer Vladimir Scorpius, who has switched from selling mechanical weapons to marketing the services of his brainwashed cult members, The Society of the Meek Ones, as human bombs. A campaign of terror reigns in England as these human bombs blow themselves up at public gatherings, taking many public officials and innocent spectators and police officers with them. Father Valentine has also issued a smart card, a credit card, Avante Carte, to his members, and it also has menacing possibilities. Bond joins forces with Harriett Horner, an American IRS agent, and a military man named Pearlman whose daughter is a member of the cult. But Bond isn't certain that either can be trusted, as someone seems to know his every move... It all winds up on Hilton Head Island, off South Carolina, where Valentine/Scorpius has his headquarters, and Bond tries a thrilling escape through a nest of hundreds of scorpions, and a run across a beach occupied by dozens of deadly snakes whose one bite means near-instantaneous death. The thrilling climax has Bond desperately trying to prevent a final attack on both the Prime Minister and the President.

Scorpius is prime Bond. It pulls the reader along from the first paragraph and never lets go. The supporting cast is more interesting and dimensional than usual, and more than one of the characters comes to a moving fate. The novel also taps into contemporary fears of cults and terrorists and human bombs, who have become all too common in the real world. As an in-joke, Gardner has Bond watch The Untouchables on an airplane in which “a favorite actor of his” played a Chicago cop. (The role was essayed, of course, by Sean Connery.) Possibly expressing his own feelings about the death penalty Gardner has Bond, improbably, make the comment that “I don't believe this eye-for-an-eye business... I've been in the game too long, and there's something particularly vile about snuffing out life if there's another way.” Not so improbably, Bond forgets all of this stuff and deliberately engineers the death of the truly miserable villain at the end. (Bond would try not to take a life if he could help it – he was certainly never as casual about death as the movie 007 is -- but he would take pleasure in snuffing out certain despicable and merciless parties if it came to it.)

Verdict: Despite some suspect or illogical moments, Scorpius is the real deal.***1/2.

FULLER REPORT

Lincoln Tate and Ken Clark

FULLER REPORT (aka Rapporto Fuller, base Stoccolma/1968). Director: Sergio Grieco.  

American race car driver Dick Worth (Ken Clark of Attack of the Giant Leeches) is in Stockholm when he becomes innocently embroiled in espionage, suddenly mixed up with CIA agents like Pearson (Lincoln Tate) and Clay (Gianni Brezza), Russian agents like Bonjasky (Serge Marquand), and a defecting ballerina named Svetlana (Beba Loncar), as well as other duplicitous females who are murdered. Despite all the different factions and their confusing schemes -- everyone wants to get their hands on something called the Fuller Report -- Dick doesn't realize that the true architect behind his problems may be much closer to home, and that there is a right wing conspiracy afoot to assassinate a certain world leader. 

Clark with Beba Loncar

Ken Clark appeared in a number of eurospy features playing super-spies, but in this he's an ordinary man, as such, thrown into intrigue. Fuller Report doesn't have that bad a plot but the pacing is slow, and it may not be long before you find that you couldn't care less about what's really going on. Clark looks the part of the hero, and the dubbed supporting cast all seem more than adequate for the task. The movie has an imitation James Bond type theme, sung by a lady who tries to imitate Shirley Bassey, and it wears out its welcome pretty quickly. Shot in Stockholm, Zurich, and London, with interiors in Rome. Clark also did Mission Bloody Mary for director Grieco. 

Verdict: Watching this on fast-forward might improve it. **. 

SPY SHIP

Maris Wrixon and Craig Stevens

SPY SHIP (1942). Director: B. Reeves Eason. Colorized. 

Pam Mitchell (Irene Manning) works for a committee that wants to keep the United States out of WW2, but she is actually a spy for the Axis powers, paid good money by German agents operating out of a ship in New York's harbor. Her sister, Sue (Maris Wrixon), has no idea of this but disagrees with her public isolationist policy. Sue is the girlfriend of reporter Ward Prescott (Craig Stevens of The Hidden Hand), who has become suspicious of Pam's activities; Pam's father (George Irving) seems to actively hate her. Pam is stringing along a poor sap named Gordon (Tod Andrews of From Hell It Came) but is secretly in love with another traitor, Martin Oster (William Forrest), who is more interested in getting his hands on some incriminating letters he sent her. Then Koshimo Haru (Keye Luke) shows up on the ship to tell him that Japan is about to take certain steps -- the next day Pearl Harbor is bombed. 

Stevens on the story

Despite everything going on, including the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Spy Ship is dull and seems much, much longer than an hour. Irene Manning makes a good villainess, but the death of this horrible creature occurs off-screen, providing no catharsis for the audience. It is also unbelievable that Ward's editor (Frank Ferguson of The Big Night), would get so excited about covering her murder on the very day of Pearl Harbor -- that's all that anyone would be talking or reading about! Craig Stevens walks through the movie with one expression, and his character never seems to get all that excited about anything. Maris Wrixon is acceptable as the good sister, but she's too bland to be memorable. 

Verdict: Not even Keye Luke can save this. *1/2. 

TOKYO FILE 212

Lee Frederick and Florence Marly

TOKYO FILE 212 (1951). Directors/co-writers: Darrel McGowan; Stuart E. McGowan. Colorized. 

Army Intelligence man Jim Carter (Lee Frederick, using the name Robert Peyton) is in occupied Tokyo pretending to be a reporter. He meets Steffi Novak (Florence Marley), who says that her sister is in North Korea and she is desperate to be reunited with her. Jim's old friend Taro Matsuto (Katsuhiko Haida) has joined a communist outfit working out of Japan. His father (Tatsuo Saito) tells Jim that Taro was preparing to be a Kamikaze pilot when the war ended, and all his preparations were for nothing. He has cut off all ties with his father and former fiancee, Namiko (Reiko Otani). Taro reports to a man named Oyama (Tetsu Nakamora) who is not above kidnapping and murder to achieve his goals. Meanwhile Jim has to wonder just which side sexy Steffi is really on. 

Marley with Katsuhiko Haida

Czech-born Florence Marley was Humphrey Bogart's leading lady in Tokyo Joe, which came out two years earlier, and undoubtedly it was this that got her cast as one of the leads in Tokyo File 212. Marley looks good and never gives the game away as to who she's really playing for; an insouciant and appealing performance. Unconventionally attractive, Frederick is a laid-back and likable hero although decidedly from the minor leagues. Katsuhiko Haida, Saito, Otani, and especially Tetsu Nakamora as the chief villain of the piece are all excellent. Nakamora appeared in many English-language films. 

"insouciant and appealing:" Florence Marley

The movie was filmed entirely in Japan, and features some actual Intelligence Officers and Kamikaze pilots (who apparently survived). This is essentially an anti-commie film, simplistic in some ways, but flavorful in its locales and details. There are some good action scenes as well. (You would never know that two major Japanese cities had been wiped off the map just a few short years before.) The film greatly benefits from a evocative score by Albert Glasser, who usually scored monster movies and the like. Here he is given a lot more to work with and he runs with it, embellishing every sequence and giving the low-budget picture an added polish. 

Verdict: Unusual kind of spy film with a highly interesting cast. ***. 

OSS 117: MISSION TOKYO

Frederick Stafford and Marina Vlady

OSS 117: MISSION TO TOKYO (aka Atout coeur a Tokyo pour OSS 117/1966). Director: Michel Boisrond. 

Agent 117 (Frederick Stafford) figures out that a U.S. military base was wiped out by a miniature plane, so his next stop is Japan. In Tokyo he interacts with two women: Eva Wilson (Marina Vlady), who apparently gave away the coordinates of the aforementioned base; and adorable "hostess" Tetsuko (Jitsuko Yoshimura), who is actually a lieutenant who is working undercover. Wealthy entrepreneur Yekota (Valery Inkijinoff) has joined forces with shipbuilder Vargas (Mario Pisu) to blackmail the U.S. to pay them millions or else another base will be destroyed. Wanting to draw out the bad guys, 117 pretends to be Eva's husband until the real husband, John Wilson (Henri Serre), puts in an appearance. Is Eva being forced to work with Yekota and his associates because of her estranged husband, or is she doing this on her own? 117 will find out once he reaches Yekota's HQ on a huge ship on the ocean. 

Jitsuko Yoshimura with Stafford

In some ways Mission to Tokyo might come off like an inferior rip-off of You Only Live Twice, if it weren't for the fact that the Bond film came out the following year. Nevertheless the Japanese settings are telling. Not only is this not as good as the 007 adventure, it's inferior to Stafford's first 117 film, Mission for a Killer, even though Terence Young, who wrote and directed Dr. No and directed both From Russia with Love and Thunderball, "adapted" the screenplay for this picture. 117 has an amusing battle with a giant Sumo wrestler, and the production values are solid, but otherwise this is a fairly standard Eurospy film and no more. At one point 117 pretty much implies that he won't protect Eva unless she sleeps with him -- what a guy! In French with English sub-titles. 

Verdict: Watch You Only Live Twice instead. **1/2. 

OSS 117: MISSION FOR A KILLER

Frederick Stafford

OSS 117: MISSION FOR A KILLER (aka Furia a Bahia pour OSS 117/1965.) Director: Andre Hunebelle. 

After a series of suicide bombings which seem to be committed by solid citizens who have been drugged, Agent 117 (Frederick Stafford) is sent down to Rio to investigate. There he meets two lovely ladies: supposed secretary Consuela (Perrette Predier), who's in league with the bad guys, and Ana-Maria (Mylene Demongeot), who is being targeted by them because she knows too much. Ana-Maria and her brother Miguel (Jacques Riberolles) are friends with a man named Leandro (Raymond Pellegrin) who may or may not be in league with Carlos (Francois Maistre), who wants to bring about a New World Order from his base in the jungles of Brazil. 

Stafford, Demongeot, Riberolles

After Kerwin Mathews finished two OSS 117 films for director Andre Hunebelle, the latter discovered Czech actor Stafford and cast him as the secret agent in his first movie. Like Mathews, Stafford plays a super-cool, seemingly unflappable and mostly unemotional  spy. While he isn't better in the role than Mathews, he does seem a touch more likable. In addition to widescreen photography and color, the film greatly benefits from intriguing and colorful locales and some spectacular scenery. 

Spectacular scenery

Mission for a Killer has several memorable scenes: a gunman opens fire in an operating theater, killing the patient, shooting doctors and nurses, and nearly killing 117 and Ana-Maria. There's a terrific sequence in which a felon uses a flame thrower on 117 and doesn't care if he burns up his own partner or the entire house. Then there's a lively battle on a plane over the Amazon where the balance of power quickly shifts from one side to the other and back again. A climax on a waterfall boasts a truly spectacular setting. While Mission for a Killer isn't quite up to the level of the best of the Bonds, it is still a superior eurospy movie. Stafford later starred in Alfred Hitchcock's Topaz. Followed by OSS 117: Mission to Tokyo. In French, with English sub-titles.

Verdict: Smooth, fast-paced entertaining spy stuff. ***. 

THE SUCCESSOR

THE SUCCESSOR. Burt Schiller. Originally published in 1966. Aardvark Press Edition; 2022. 

Back in the day when I was a teen and The Man from UNCLE was my favorite TV show, I picked up a paperback in my local stationary store called The Successor because the plot made it almost sound like an episode of that show. The hero, Benjamin Seeker, inherits almost everything from his father, not knowing that his father was the founder and head of a criminal cartel called Unicorn (which reminded me of THRUSH, Uncle's nemesis). Seeker is pretty much told that he either takes over the organization or he'll die because he knows too much. For most of the book he tries to dodge or get away from Unicorn operatives with homicidal intent while trying to make up his mind what to do. 

I knew The Man from UNCLE could be weird -- it eventually degenerated into a foolish out and out comedy before getting back on track, too late, for the fourth season -- but The Successor even out-weirded that show. I mean in one of the early chapters Ben is kidnapped by two Unicorn operatives nicknamed "Ma and Pa Kettle." Ben is put into a bathtub where the mentally-defective "Pa" -- thinking Ben is a baby -- objects when "Ma" starts man-handling Ben in a way that no one should ever touch a baby. Definitely not ready for prime time! And that's only the start!

The wildest chapter is entitled "Killer Nuns," in which a group of women, who may or may not be actual nuns, force Ben to make love to them in order for them to release him and two other captives. Typical of sixties "spy"-types, although Seeker is not really a spy, Ben is absolutely irresistible to all women and horny for all of them as well. (The back cover copy reads "women want to smother him with kisses. Men want to riddle him with bullets," carried over from the old paperback edition.) One of the Unicorn operatives is Father Dunn, who leads the "nuns." Another is called Gorgon, who weighs 300 pounds and runs around in his underpants!

Okay, The Successor is obviously not a work of serious intent, and it is by no means politically correct, although I always thought it had a very good basic premise. However, it is so bizarre and amusing at times that I can see why a small press has brought out a new edition of the novel, written by an ad man named Burt Schiller (as far as I know this was his only book).

Verdict: This is by no means everyone's cup of java -- its weirdness both works for and against it -- but you gotta love any book that has killer nuns in it! **3/4. 

DIE SLOWLY, YOU'LL ENJOY IT MORE

Brad Harris and Lex Barker

DIE SLOWLY, YOU'LL ENJOY IT MORE (aka Spy Today, Die Tomorrow aka Mister Dynamit -- morgan kust euch der tod/1967). Director: Franz Josef Gottlieb.

A wealthy criminal named Baretti (Amedeo Nazzari) -- an arms smuggler who loves playing with toy trains --  has managed to steal a nuclear missile away from a stockpile in New Mexico, and now demands a billion dollars from the U.S. government or he will drop the bomb on Washington, D.C. Agent Bob Urban (Lex Barker), also known as "Mr. Dynamite," is assigned to the case. He is briefly assisted by a man named Cliff (Brad Harris) and dallies with a lovely lady, Lu (Maria Perschy), who may or may not be on the side of the angels. A certain General Burch (Jose Suarez) is secretly working with Baretti. 

Amedeo Nazzari

Die Slowly is yet another poor imitation of Thunderball. Former Tarzan Lex Barker is fine as the super-spy but his vehicle is padded with too many scenes of generals sitting around talking and talking, trying to decide what to do about Baretti and his bomb while there are only occasional spurts of action from Urban. (One late sequence involving a lot of metal barrels is at least well-staged). Other cast members you may have heard of include Gustavo Rojo and Wolfgang Preiss. Virtually everyone in this international production is dubbed. 

Verdict: Thunderball it ain't. **.

OUR MAN IN JAMAICA

Larry Pennell as Agent 001

OUR MAN IN JAMAICA/aka A 001: operazione Giamaica/1965.) Director: Richard Jackson. 

Ken Stewart, aka Agent 001 (Larry Pennell), is sent to Jamaica to investigate the disappearance of Larry Peacock, Agent 009. Once there, Stewart pretends to be an antique dealer, and establishes a friendship with Mrs. Cervantes (Linda Sini), who is also in the business. But Larry develops a more personal relationship with the older woman's secretary, Gloria (Barbara Valentin), and Larry's sister, Jane (Margitta Scherr). Joining forces with Captain Mike Jefferson (Brad Harris), Stewart tries to uncover the true identity of an arms dealer operating out of the island, and winds up in the villain's makeshift electric chair! 

Brad Harris as Captain Jefferson

Clearly modeled after Dr. No -- although with a much less interesting villain -- Our Man in Jamaica is a fair-to-middling Eurospy film that features all of the usual elements, including an American actor in the lead; Pennell is fine as the spy. Brad Harris, also an American, went on to co-star in several more eurospy films in the Kommissar X series. This is a pretty low-tech affair -- a high-frequency recorder seems to be Agent 001's only gadget -- with location filming, and women who are far less beautiful than you usually see in Bond movies. Like Dr. No, the villain in this, played by Wolfgang Kieling, has his own private island, but there isn't much of interest on it. A pop tune that deliberately sounds like music for the Bond films plays over the opening credits.

The film has a hilarious prologue, with both Stewart and a lady friend passed out after a night of lovemaking. The woman says "You can marry me, like you said." To which a hungover Stewart replies: "Who are you?" Unlike a lot of eurospy movies, Our Man in Jamaica manages to hold the attention and proceeds at a relatively swift pace, but it never quite develops into anything that memorable. Italy-West Germany-Spain co-production. 

Verdict: Well-played and smooth but no Dr. No. **1/2. 

MISSION TO CARACAS

Roland Carey as agent Gil Becker

MISSION TO CARACAS/Mission speciale a Caracas/1965. Director: Raoul Andre. 

In Caracas Special agent Gil Becker (Roland Carey using the name "Rod Carter") is after a self-described evil Frenchman named Vasson (Saro Urzi). Vasson works with Madame de Lainville (Louise Carletti), the directress of an institution for underprivileged young girls, but she has no intention of being underprivileged herself. 

Agent Becker with femme fatale

Vasson exchanges a formula for a deadly neurotoxin, PK 23, for a bunch of diamonds from a consortium, which he passes off to Madame. On a cruise ship some of Madame's female associates try their damnedest to get the briefcase containing the diamonds away from the directress, with the result that she is thrown overboard and, later, six or seven of the gals engage in a protracted "cat fight." Meanwhile there are assorted spies who don't want the diamonds, but rather the briefcase, which contains special secret documents irradiated in such a way that the writing will eventually vanish. Dodging assorted spies and weapons, including a camera that doubles as a weapon, Becker does his best to outwit everyone. 

Paul Demange and Carey

Mission to Caracas is a pretty bad eurospy film. Believe me, it wasn't easy coming up with a coherent synopsis of the plot as there are so many characters working at cross purposes you need a scorecard. French-Swiss actor Carey makes a perfectly acceptable super-spy, but he appeared mostly in "peplum" movies; this was his only appearance as Gil Becker. Even dubbed, Urzi makes an impression as the slimy but charming Vasson. The movie is all but ruined by a horrible jazzy headache-inducing score that never matches up with the action on screen, and many of the action sequences are clumsily staged. A Spanish-Italian-French co-production.

Verdict: Try and follow it if you dare! *1/2. 

MISSION BLOODY MARY

Dick Malloy (Ken Clark) works at his favorite occupation

MISSION BLOODY MARY (aka Agente 077 missione Bloody Mary/1965). Director: Sergio Grieco. 

"Bloody Mary" is the code name for a  new nuclear bomb called B-32. When the bomb is stolen from the wreckage of a plane that crashed in France, CIA agent 077, Dick Malloy (Ken Clark), is sent into action, taking time away from the women he loves to romance and bed. He has a stocky assistant named Lester (Antonio Gradoli) and also hooks up with a friendly taxi driver (Andrea Scotti) after escaping from a yacht. But his main contact is Dr. Elsa Freeman (Helga Line). Dick finds the bomb inside a block of stone inside a factory but then he has to do his best to keep enemy agents from getting their hands on it.

Ken Clark and Helga Line

Mission Bloody Mary is the second of three Dick Malloy films starring Ken Clark, best-known for the schlock classic Attack of the Giant Leeches. He's given a weird dubbed voice in this one, and his performance is hard to judge, but with a physique that puts Sean Connery's to shame, and an ability to love up the women and rough up the guys in more than adequate fashion, it's easy to see why he was cast in these Eurospy films, co-productions of France, Italy and Spain. 

Dick Malloy with colleague

At one point Malloy has to audaciously confirm Elsa's identity by looking at her naked breasts, which she, of course, allows him to do as the camera swings discreetly away. A bad guy who calls himself the "Black Lily" turns a room into a makeshift crematorium to get rid of a difficult colleague. There's a helpful cab driver, both Russian and Chinese agents, and some duplicitous individuals -- as well as the usual interesting locations, with a climax in Athens. This moves at a fast enough pace to keep you watching although it gets a little wearisome towards the end. The pop tune "Bloody Mary," composed by Ennio Morricone, plays over the title credits.

Verdict: Acceptable Eurospy fare. **1/4. 

NEVER SEND FLOWERS: JAMES BOND

NEVER SEND FLOWERS. John Gardner. Putman's/Berkley/1993. 

This James Bond adventure was promoted as "007 hunts a serial killer!", serial killers being very much in vogue at the time in popular fiction. While the ultimate villain in this -- a deranged actor named David Dragonpol -- does kill several people, the only real "serial killer," a murdered woman's brother, is out of the picture when the story begins. Bond meets and works with a Swiss agent named Flicka von Grusse, whom he eventually develops deep feelings for. Dragonpol has built a museum inside his mansion which recreates different periods in history via the use of holograms and animatronics, so it's no wonder that his ultimate goal is to kill Princess Diana and her boys when they take a trip to EuroDisney in Paris. 

Although most of Gardner's Bond novels seem well-thought out and well-constructed, this time Gardner seems to have written the book on the cuff, with little pre-planning, giving the whole thing a haphazard and perfunctory feel. It is the weirdest James Bond novel ever written, culminating in an utterly ridiculous scene when Bond fails to spot Dragonpol at a key moment, making 007 seem incompetent.  Never Send Flowers is still entertaining and has some suspenseful moments, but if you want to sample Gardner's Bond, this is not the novel to start with. Read License Renewed instead. 

Verdict: 007 treading water. **1/2. 

JAMES BOND: LICENSE RENEWED

LICENSE RENEWED. John Gardner. 1981.

After the debacle of Colonel Sun by Kinsley Amis -- the first 007 novel since the death of creator Ian Fleming -- James Bond was reintroduced and reinvigorated by John Gardner in this excellent thriller which began a whole new series of Bond novels by Gardner. In this adventure Bond is up against the potent combination of Anton Murik -- a nutty physicist who is outraged that the world has rejected his new ideas for nuclear plants as “unsafe” -- and Franco, one of the world's most dangerous terrorists. To gain money to build his devices and prove the scientific community wrong, Murik, with Franco's aid, comes up with a scheme to take over several nuclear power plants and cause simultaneous melt-downs unless a massive ransom is paid. Of course, he has no intention of letting Franco keep his share of the money, and hires Bond, whom he thinks is a mercenary, to assassinate the terrorist. Then there are the two women in Murik's life: his niece Lavender Peacock, who seems to be on the side of the angels; and his girlfriend Mary Anne Mashkin, who appears not only to be Murik's partner in business but in other ways as well. Murik is the Scottish Laird of Murcaldy, although he may not have the right to the title. (In On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Ernst Stavro Blofeld also pretended to be something he was not.)

The climax takes place on a giant starlifter aircraft in which Bond has a chilling fight to the death with Murik's lieutenant Caber, and there are exciting sequences at festivities in Perpignan in the French Pyrenees (including a fashion show in which Lavender is a model). Murik almost approaches the level of a classic Bond villain, although Franco is not developed nearly as well.

Verdict: Suspenseful, well-paced, and well-written, overall this is a Damned Good Show! ***1/2.

ASSIGNMENT REDHEAD

Carole Mathews and Richard Denning

ASSIGNMENT REDHEAD (aka Million Dollar Manhunt/1956). Director: Maclean Rogers. 

Major Gregory Keen (Richard Denning) of Army Intelligence (temporarily attached to MI-5), is assigned to look for a mysterious man known only as Dumetrius (Ronald Adam) who murdered a man and took his place on a flight from Berlin to London. Keen questions the other people on the flight, trying to get a description, but they either wind up murdered themselves or don't recall what the man looked like. In the latter category is Viennese-born Hedy (Carole Mathews), whom Keen rather rapidly falls in love with. Does she feel the same about him or she is hiding something -- or both? 

Alex Gallier and Ronald Adam

The most memorable scenes in Assignment Redhead don't have to do with the star-crossed lovers or even the manhunt but focus on the interplay between the two main villains of the piece, Dumetrius and Max Rubenstein (Alex Gallier), who was formerly the Nazi collaborator Armand Yannis. Dumetrius has discovered that Yannis has in his possession 12 million dollars of counterfeit American money and he wants it, hoping to strike a deal with the reinvented Rubenstein. Watching these two try to outwit and outfox each other is a delight, and both actors play the roles with restrained zeal. As for the others, Denning and Mathews are professional enough, although Denning "underplays" the more emotional moments which are outside his range. The supporting actors -- Brian Worth as Captain Ridgeway, Jan Holden as a helpful cigarette girl -- are a bit more flavorful in their interpretations. Mclean Rogers also directed Calling Paul Temple.

Verdict: British suspense flick holds the attention. **3/4.