BATMAN: THE BLACK WIDOW STRIKES AGAIN

Tallulah Bankhead faces down Batman

 THE BLACK WIDOW STRIKES AGAIN on Batman. ABC TV. 1967.

"You may be caped and you may be dynamic, but I find you a crashing bore!" -- Black Widow

When the campy Batman TV series hit the airwaves in the late sixties, a number of well-known actors were signed to play guest villains. Definitely the most memorable was talented stage [and screen] actress Tallulah Bankhead, with her trademark gravelly voice and withering, highly amusing delivery. Bankhead had already shown how good she could be in TV comedy when she guest-starred on what was probably the best Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour episode. On this two-part second season episode of Batman, she plays the comically sinister Black Widow, who apparently rode roughshod over Gotham City in the past (but never appeared previously on the show) and now is robbing banks with the aid of several confederates and a machine that saps men's wills. Therefore she sort of hypnotizes the bank officers into simply handing her oodles of cash. The cliffhanger has Bankhead unleashing cat-sized black widow spiders on Batman and Robin ("Batman! They're getting closer!"/ "I know, Robin!"). Arguably the funniest sequence has the Widow dressing up as Robin and growling at police officers, with her voice coming out of Burt Ward's body as the actor does a funny parody of Bankhead. Bolstering the proceedings -- along with Adam West as Batman and Ward as Robin, both excellent as usual (not to mention wonderful Neil Hamilton and Stafford Repp as the police and Alan Napier as Alfred) -- are the appearances of Grady Sutton (The Bank Dick) as a nervous bank teller and Len Felber as the bank manager. The campy approach to Batman is now passe, but I must say this was a very, very funny and clever episode of the often dopey series. Bankhead's most famous movie is Hitchcock's Lifeboat; she starred in Die, Die My Darling two years before doing Batman.

Verdict: Bankhead and Batman are an unbeatable combination. ***.

TOP SECRET

Gordon Scott

TOP SECRET (aka Segretissimo/1967). Director: Fernando Cerchio. 

Baron Von Klausen (Antonio Gradoli) has escaped from the communists and brought with him some top secret documents. But there is a question if this man is the real Von Klausen. Agent John Sutton (Gordon Scott) is assigned to find out what he can and comes afoul of thugs and lethal ladies in Casablanca, Rome and Naples. Sandra Dubois (Magda Konopka) is a beautiful Russian spy and Zaira (Aurora de Alba) is working with "Von Klausen" and his associates. It is a question who will snatch the documents away from Von Klausen's group: Sutton or the beautiful and highly competent Sandra. 

Magda Konopka

Top Secret is an above average eurospy film, certainly better than Scott's other 1967 spy outing Danger!! Death Ray. It has moments of intentional humor, a fast pace and light tone, and the players, including Scott, are all adept and enthusiastic. Polish actress (and baroness) Magda Konopka is so beautiful and sexy as the Russian spy that it's amazing that she never wound up in a James Bond movie (although she reportedly had an affair with Sean Connery, which makes her absence from the 007 films even stranger). The same year Top Secret came out Konopka married a billionaire but the marriage only lasted three months. She later wound up in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth.

Top Secret

Scott and Konopka share an intimate moment

 has many entertaining sequences, although a bit with a conveyor belt death trap is too brief. Sutton also winds up being pulled up in the air by a copter as he swings helplessly in the cage below (but not enough is done with this sequence). The best bit has Sutton and Sandra locked in an automobile that's been deposited on the tracks as a train rapidly approaches, but our hero manages to free the two of them in the nick of time. At one point an angry Sutton actually hits Sandra, but she gets the better of him with her own martial arts moves. In a later scene Sutton is kidnapped by a pack of "nuns," one of which is a man in drag. Oddly, Scott's name does not appear in the opening credits. The "dabba dabba" theme song is horrible.

Verdict: Sexy leads, nasty nuns -- what more could you ask for? **3/4. 

THE COLLEGE-GIRL MURDERS

Another mad monk with a whip on the loose!

THE COLLEGE-GIRL MURDERS (aka Der Monch mit der Peitsche/1967). Director: Alfred Vohrer.

Frank Keeney (Siegfried Rauch) is spirited out of jail by corrupt prison staff so he can become a paid killer for an unknown figure who keeps alligators in a pen on his property. Keeney is given a special gun that fires a stream combining gas with acid so that he can kill several co-eds at a girls college run by Harriet Foster (Tilly Lauenstein). If that weren't enough a man in a monk's outfit and carrying a whip murders people just as was done in The Sinister Monk, a film that is referenced in this one. Inspector Higgins (Joachim Fuchsberger) teams up with the rather buffoonish Sir John (Siegfried Schurenberg) to try to unravel a very strange, indeed, utterly absurd -- but very entertaining -- Edgar Wallace mystery. 

Siegfried Rauch

This is another in a series of West German thrillers based on the works of prolific British author Edgar Wallace. College-Girl Murders comes from "The Black Abbot," but somehow I doubt that it's a particularly faithful adaptation. This version has added "euro-spy" elements with secret super-villains in elaborate HQs, weird weapons, and as usual, enough plot for five movies. (Schurenberg's Sir John appears in most of the Wallace adaptations.) The musical score is not off-putting, the pace is fast, the acting is generally good, there are numerous suspects, and the identity of the masterminds comes as a bit of a surprise (although you may not quite buy it). A plot element is "borrowed" from Agatha Christie's "ABC Murders." 

Verdict: Wild and crazy caper from West Germany. **3/4. 

HILLBILLIES IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

Joi Lansing and Ferlin Husky

HILLBILLIES IN A HAUNTED HOUSE (1967). Director: Jean Yarbrough.

Singer Woody Wetherby (country star Ferlin Husky), his girl singer, Boots Malone (Joi Lansing), and his manager, Jeepers (Don Bowman), are traveling to Nashville for a concert when bad weather and automobile trouble forces them to seek shelter in a creepy old mansion. They don't realize that the new owner, Madame Wong (Linda Ho), is running an espionage outfit that employs Max (Lon Chaney Jr.), Gregor (Basil Rathbone) and Dr. Himmil (John Carradine of Female Jungle), not to mention a bad-tempered gorilla named Anatole (George Barrows). Will Jim Meadows (Richard Webb of The Invisible Monster), secret agent for MOTHER, be able to save Boots from the Iron Maiden and make the world safe for democracy? 

Slumming: Rathbone and Carradine

Hillbillies is actually the second of two films starring Husky as Wetherby, following Las Vegas Hillbillies, in which Boots Malone was played by Mamie Van Doren and Jayne Mansfield also had a part. The first one couldn't possibly have been worse than this awful concoction, which wastes the talents of virtually everyone, especially Carradine and poor Basil Rathbone. The last ten minutes are a concert with songs being performed by Molly Bee, Merle Haggard  and Marcella Wright ("Strangers"). Husky himself does a nice job with "One Bridge I Have Never Crossed." In his heyday and for many years Husky was a very, very popular entertainer. As for Joi Lansing, who always seemed to play the perennial dumb blonde, it's ironic that in this picture she plays it straight! Jean Yarbrough also directed Inside Job and a great many other movies. 

Verdict: Aside from some of the songs there's little point in sitting through this. *1/2. 

HOUSE OF A THOUSAND DOLLS

George Nader, Martha Hyer and Vincent Price

HOUSE OF A THOUSAND DOLLS (aka House of 1000 Dolls/1967). Director: Jeremy Summers. 

Dr. Stephen Armstrong (George Nader of Sins of Jezebel) and his wife, Marie (Ann Smryner), are vacationing in Tangier when their friend, Fernando (Sancho Gracia), tells them that he's searching for his missing fiancee, Diane (Maria Rohm). Diane was last seen in Vienna where she was made to disappear by stage magician Manderville (Vincent Price) and his assistant, Rebecca (Martha Hyer of First Men in the Moon) -- and she was never seen again. Diane has been shanghaied to the House of 1000 Dolls, a house of prostitution where most of the kidnapped girls are forced to service wealthy clients and are mistreated by the staff, including Madame Viera (Yelena Samarina). When Fernando is found murdered, Stephen begins his own investigation, but he doesn't realize that this will cause a lot of trouble for himself and his wife ... 

Magician Manderville (right) checks out Dr. Armstrong

House of a Thousand Dolls, whose villains are truly loathsome, has a certain sinister atmosphere throughout and holds the attention, if for no other reason than you hope to see the bad guys get their comeuppance at the finish. Manderville, Rebecca, and the others report to a mysterious King of Hearts whose identity isn't revealed until the end. The actors are all professional, although Price -- probably contemplating which piece of art he will buy with his paycheck -- doesn't put himself out too much. Luis Rivera makes an impression as Fernando's sexy friend, Paul. For some reason Stephen is remarkably obnoxious to the police inspector (Wolfgang Kieling of Our Man in Jamaica) in the case, which seems foolish for someone who may need the man's help in the future. There's a fairly exciting chase scene with two desperadoes pursuing Stephen through a series of interesting locations (the film was actually shot mostly in Spain). Reportedly a racier version of the flick was shown in Europe. The villains in this don't really get the vicious fates they so richly deserve. 

Verdict: Minor but entertaining and smooth Euro-thriller. ***.  

THE HARDY BOYS: THE MYSTERY OF THE CHINESE JUNK

Rick Gates as Frank and Tim Matheson as Joe

THE HARDY BOYS: THE MYSTERY OF THE CHINESE JUNK (1967). Director: Larry Peerce. 

Frank (Tim Matheson) and Joe (Rick Gates) Hardy of Bayport decide to start a ferry service to Rocky Island with their pals Biff (Rickey Kelman) and Chet (Stephen Jahn). Another friend, Jim Foy (Brian Fong), directs them to an old Chinese junk that they can buy, and they do so. But there seem to be others who have an abnormal interest in the junk -- including George Ti Ming (James Shigeta) -- and another ferry boat operator, "Clams" Daggett (Malcolm Atterbury) is a bit put out that he might have competition. The boys encounter the secretive Dr. Montrose (Edward Andrews) as part of their investigation. Then the Hardy Boys' father, Fenton (Richard Anderson), trying to find a criminal called The Chameleon, is attacked and disappears. It all comes to a head in a dank cavern on Rocky Island.  

Mystery of the Chinese Junk is based on the novel, which was published around 1960. Although there were some changes made -- Chet doesn't take up spelunking, for instance -- the telefilm, a failed pilot, apparently, is pretty faithful to the story. For inexplicable reasons Frank is made a blond and Joe becomes a brunette, although it was the other way around for about fifty years. Fenton Hardy doesn't appear to have a wife in this -- perhaps he's been turned into a widower -- but Aunt Gertrude is around, played in so-so fashion by Portia Nelson. Anderson makes the perfect Fenton Hardy, Atterbury is a reliable Clams, and Andrews is, as usual, quite good as Dr. Montrose. Shigeta is pretty much wasted as Ti Ming but is good. Jan-Michael Vincent appears briefly singing a rock number as Tony Prito. Chet is not as lovable as he is in the books, and there is the addition of a dog for the Hardys, a Great Dane named Tiny who is probably borrowed from the book The Secret Warning, wherein the dog was named Tivoli. The cinematographer, Joseph Biroc, also shot Hush ... Hush Sweet Charlotte and many others. Aside from the serials on the old Mickey Mouse Club show, the Hardy Boys did not get a weekly series until ten years later and then they were played by Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy. 

Verdict: Much better than one would have imagined. ***. 

DIE SLOWLY, YOU'LL ENJOY IT MORE

Brad Harris and Lex Barker

DIE SLOWLY, YOU'LL ENJOY IT MORE (aka Spy Today, Die Tomorrow aka Mister Dynamit -- morgan kust euch der tod/1967). Director: Franz Josef Gottlieb.

A wealthy criminal named Baretti (Amedeo Nazzari) -- an arms smuggler who loves playing with toy trains --  has managed to steal a nuclear missile away from a stockpile in New Mexico, and now demands a billion dollars from the U.S. government or he will drop the bomb on Washington, D.C. Agent Bob Urban (Lex Barker), also known as "Mr. Dynamite," is assigned to the case. He is briefly assisted by a man named Cliff (Brad Harris) and dallies with a lovely lady, Lu (Maria Perschy), who may or may not be on the side of the angels. A certain General Burch (Jose Suarez) is secretly working with Baretti. 

Amedeo Nazzari

Die Slowly is yet another poor imitation of Thunderball. Former Tarzan Lex Barker is fine as the super-spy but his vehicle is padded with too many scenes of generals sitting around talking and talking, trying to decide what to do about Baretti and his bomb while there are only occasional spurts of action from Urban. (One late sequence involving a lot of metal barrels is at least well-staged). Other cast members you may have heard of include Gustavo Rojo and Wolfgang Preiss. Virtually everyone in this international production is dubbed. 

Verdict: Thunderball it ain't. **.

THE INVADERS Book

THE INVADERS. James Rosin. Autumn Road; 2012.

This book takes a look back at the TV series The Invaders that ran for two seasons on ABC in the sixties. I was hoping for a detailed, in-depth look at the show and all of its episodes a la the book on the Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV series, but while comparisons may be odious, one can't help but feel cheated by this slender and insufficient volume. There are a lot of pictures, as well as brief quotes from star Roy Thinnes and other people involved in the production of the show, but also a lot of padding, with biographies of not only everyone connected to the show but every actor who ever appeared as a guest-star! If the book serves any purpose at all, it may be to whet your appetite for viewing or re-viewing this very interesting series, but although all he offers in his notes of individual episodes are synopses, the author still manages to give away important plot points throughout the book. 

Verdict: Watch the series and forget about this. **. 

BERSERK

Joan Crawford and Ty Hardin

BERSERK (1967). Director: Jim O'Connolly.

Tough broad Monica Rivers (Joan Crawford) is at first not too concerned -- to say the least -- when one of her high-wire performers is killed in an accident as she feels it will attract the ghoulish to her circus in droves, which it does. When her business partner Albert (Michael Gough of Horrors of the Black Museum) gets a rivet pounded into the back of his head, Monica is free to do what she chooses -- and the murders continue. Monica begins an affair with the hunky new high-wire artist Frank Hawkins (Ty Hardin) who wants a piece of the circus action for himself. Two other women cause issues: Matilda (Diana Dors), who does a saw-the-lady-in-half act with her husband and can't keep her hands off Frank; and Monica's daughter Angela (Judy Geeson), who gets thrown out of school and insists on joining the troupe. Who will be the next to die?  

Diana Dors with Hardin

Berserk is a very entertaining film that manages to work up significant suspense even as it shows us some amazing acts from the real-life Billy Smart Circus -- trained elephants, horses, and poodles, not to mention the lions. Crawford plays with her customary authority although at times she just seems to be reading her lines the way she would at a rehearsal. Ty Hardin, better-known for his beefcake status than for his acting, is actually quite good in this and even manages to do love scenes with the much-older Crawford with conviction-- they are unlikely lovers, however. Dors is her usual vivid and zoftig self and there is also good work from Geeson, Gough, George Claydon as the little person Bruno, and others. The circus performers do an amusing number called "It Might Be Me." The Billy Smart Circus was also featured in the earlier film Circus of Horrors. 

Verdict: Genuinely suspenseful and a lot of fun. ***. 

THE SHUTTERED ROOM

 

THE SHUTTERED ROOM (1967). Director: David Greene. 

This is an oddball adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story that basically removes the supernatural element! Mike Kelton (Gig Young) brings his young bride Susannah (Carol Lynley) back to the island off New England and the mill house she grew up in and inherited. But there's a sinister lurking presence waiting in the house ... Actually more menace is generated by Oliver Reed and his gang of inbred laughing thugs than by anything else. A scene when they tie up Young, leave him on the roadside, and repeatedly race up to his body in their car and stop just short of smashing him is harrowing and well-executed. Reed gives the most vivid performance, but the others are fine, including Flora Robson as Aunt Agatha. This is one of those movies where if everyone just acted logically there would be no danger and no plot. There are eerie scenes and Greene's direction has its good points -- some people found it "arty" -- but this could not be classified as one of the better or more faithful Lovecraft adaptations were it not for the fact that so many others were much worse. The jazzy background score is no help at all. 

Verdict: Despite flaws it holds the attention and has its moments but it's only minimal Lovecraft. **1/2.