ANTIBODY

Robin Givens and Lance Henriksen

ANTIBODY (Made-for-Cable/2002). Director: Christian McIntire.  

In Munich a terrorist named Moran (Julian Vergov) has placed a detonator to a massive bomb inside his own body. If he dies the bomb will detonate, demolishing the entire city and everyone in it. When Moran is shot, he is taken into custody and put under, while a team of scientists -- along with former FBI agent Gaynes (Lance Henriksen) -- are miniaturized, put into a sub called the Helix, and injected into Moran's body, where they only have a certain number of hours to find and destroy the detonator. The stakes are even larger when the team discover that Moran also placed bombs in several other cities, including Paris, where Gaynes' daughter is. 

Okay, it's obvious that Antibody -- an offering of what was then known as the Sci Fi Channel -- is a complete rip-off of the vastly superior Fantastic Voyage. Admittedly, Antibody has come up with a clever alternate scenario, and the film is especially suspenseful in the tense final minutes, but it's a major understatement that it doesn't get any points for originality. The prologue of the film depicts Gaynes dealing with a terrorist bomb in the Russian consulate in New York, a situation that doesn't work out so well, forcing the agent into private security management in Germany. The prologue is exciting and well-handled, as are the early scenes with Moran and his men invading a conference in Munich. 

Once inside Moran's body, the FX are nowhere nears as good nor as elaborate as in Fantastic Voyage. The danger comes from white blood cells, which look like something from a video game, and there are also some lively skin mites that are somehow in the blood stream and are creepy scuttling creations. To distract the white blood cells, the head of the team, Dr. Saverini (Robin Givens), orders cold viruses to be injected into Moran's body. 

a skin mite attacks the sub

As for the actors, both Henriksen and Givens give satisfactory performances, although they rarely seem to be displaying the extreme fear or tension they would be feeling in such a bizarre situation, at least not until the final moments. As an ice cool former agent, Henriksen plays it essentially in an unemotional fashion -- he was criticized for this -- but I at least think he hit the right note considering the level of the material. The supporting performances are mostly more than competent. It's interesting that the Helix apparently has no seat belts despite the fact that it is noted in the dialogue that a trip through the heart will be difficult (as it was in Fantastic Voyage). Also amusing is Henriksen's comment when Givens complains about the quality of the men she's been dating. "Brad Pitiful?" he says. 

Verdict: Watchful but highly derivative sci-fi with some interesting aspects. **1/2. 

HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE

Caitlin O'Heaney and Don Scardino

HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE (1980). Director: Armand Mastroianni.  

Amy Jensen (Caitlin O'Heaney) is about to get married to a man named Phil, but her ex-boyfriend, Marvin (Don Scardino of Cruising), keeps hanging around and insisting she should marry him. Amy is clearly torn between two men but she has worse problems: a maniac (Tom Rolfing) has been stalking and killing new brides and others and Amy is the next on his list. Meanwhile Detective Gamble (Lewis Arlt), whose fiancee was the first victim, does his best to catch up with the killer before he can murder anyone else. 

Tom Rolfing and O'Heaney

He Knows You're Alone has serious script problems, to put it mildly, and seems as if it were very hastily cobbled together. As there's no attempt to hide the identity of the killer, I can tell you that you never really learn anything about him or his motives (although it's hinted at in the dumb epilogue). Most of the characters, including the cop on a mission of vengeance, are one-dimensional as well. The lead actress, Caitlin O'Heaney, is terribly obvious, emoting as if she were acting on a stage instead of in front of a camera. One scene, when Amy discovers her roommate's severed head in the aquarium, is unintentionally comical because her attempt to have a numb, shocked reaction doesn't work at all. Don Scardino is better as Marvin, although his character is quite irritating. 

Lewis Arlt as the detective

There are a couple of interesting moments: the first murder occurs in a theater as the bride-to-be sits watching -- you guessed it -- a slasher film. (This idea was later used in Scream 2.) The stabbing-by-shears of a poor tailer who works on Amy's wedding dress has some energy to it, if nothing else. Tom Hanks shows up as a jogger who has a date with one of Amy's friends, and James Rebhorn is a married professor who is having an affair with another of Amy's gal pals -- why the maniac picks on these two is never explained. Don't expect a final twist because there isn't one. It would have been fun if Hanks had turned out to be the killer, but apparently his death scene was never filmed because he was deemed too likable! Armand Mastroianni also directed The Killing Hour.

Verdict: And a terrible hokey score doesn't help. **.  

ATLAS AGAINST THE CYCLOPS

Chelo Alonso and Gordon Mitchell

ATLAS AGAINST THE CYCLOPS (aka Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops/Maciste nella terra dei ciclopi/1961). Director: Antonio Leonviola.

The forces of evil queen Capys (Chelo Alonso) overrun the land of Sadok, killing the king and capturing Queen Penope (Vira Silenti). However, Penope manages to save her baby (Fabio) by sending the infant off with someone who is loyal to her. Capys is under a spell crafted by the sorceress Circe, and it will not dissipate until the last cyclops (Aldo Pedinotti) devours the last descendant of the hated Ulysses, who just happens to be that innocent baby. Strong man Maciste (Gordon Mitchell) saves this baby from a lion after his guardian is killed, and much later has to save the boy and his mother from the hulking cyclops. In between Maciste dallies with Capys, saves her life when a temple's ceiling threatens to fall on her, and gets involved in several sweaty battles ...

That cyclops is hungry!

Atlas Against the Cyclops is one of the better "peplum" movies that I've seen. While the cyclops is hardly the scariest one-eyed monster in the movies (and his appearances are fairly brief), he is at least twice of the size of the beefy Maciste and the process shots blend the two together well, especially in one shot when they are engaging in battle around a column. Another great scene has Maciste caught in a tug of war with a group of white slaves on one end of a rope, black slaves on the other end, and a pit of lions below them all. Maciste is a good guy who comes to the aid of anyone who needs it, including a guard nearly crushed beneath a wagon, or a black man who nearly falls into the aforementioned pit. Maciste also has a lively  battle with the black Mumba (Paul Wynter), who is not on the side of the angels, and at one point single-handedly rows a boat to the island of the cyclops after Mumba drugs all of the other oarsmen. 

Gordon Mitchell with future romance book cover boy Fabio

Gordon Mitchell had been one of Mae West's strongmen in Hollywood -- not the only one of them to wind up in Italian peplum movies -- and even when that period ended kept appearing in movies until he amassed about 150 credits! Chelo Alonso was a Cuban actress who also appeared in a number of Italian movies. Fabio, who plays the little infant king, grew up to become an actor and a cover boy for numerous paperback romance novels. Strikingly handsome Paul Wynter certainly makes an impression, but he only did four movies. Dante DiPaolo also makes an impression as Queen Capys' good right hand and adviser, Iphitos, who happens to be in love with her. 

Verdict: A surprisingly entertaining peplum extravaganza with lots of beef. ***. 

CONTAMINATION

Louise Marleau and Marino Mase

CONTAMINATION (aka Alien Contamination/1980). Director: Luigi Cozzi.  

Colonel Stella Holmes (Louise Marleau) is called in when a derelict ship floats into New York Harbor containing corpses and a lot of weird little eggs. Helping with the investigation is Lt. Tony Aris (Marino Mase) of the NYPD, who at first isn't crazy about the lady government agent and scientist. They bring in a third member of the team, Mars astronaut Ian Hubbard (Ian McCulloch of Zombie), whose stories about finding the eggs on Mars were never believed. The eggs contain an element that can make people literally explode, with their internal organs bursting out of their bodies. The intrepid trio travel down to South America where they determine these Martian eggs are being distributed.  

Watch out for that egg!

Director Luigi Cozzi [The Dark is Death's Friend] originally conceived this as a sequel to Alien (!), and the deadly eggs are the element that most reminds one of that far superior movie. Despite all the splattery effects, which never come off as being too realistic, the film is slow-moving and in the middle section in particular becomes rather dull. Although they seem to be speaking English, the print I saw was dubbed, so it's difficult to judge the performances, which seem competent. 

              The Martian Cyclops -- watch out for that eye!

The most interesting element of the film is the Martian "cyclops," which appears at the end. Several feet tall, it is a squiggly wet thing with one enormous yellow eye like a flashlight (reminding one a bit of the cyclops in The Atomic Submarine), with more than one large, wide, uneven maw. The best scene has one of the characters being sucked head first into a tentacle from this creature, devouring him. The cyclops creates and incubates these eggs, although how they got to earth is never explained. The noises that the eggs make are really creepy and effective. The three leads -- Scottish McCulloch, Canadian Marleau, and Italian Mase -- all had a great many credits. 

Verdict: Some fun in this but the pace drags a little too much. **1/4. 

SAVAGE WEEKEND

SAVAGE WEEKEND (1979). Writer/director: Claude Pushkin (David Paulsen and John Mason Kirby). 

"You get lonely, you get weird." -- Mac. 

Marie (Marilyn Hamlin), who is separated from her husband, Greg (Jeff Pomerantz), goes to the country for the weekend with her boyfriend, Robert (Jim Doerr), sister Shirley (Caitlin O'Heaney of He Knows You're Alone), gay buddy Nicky (Christopher Allport), and Robert's friend, Jay (Devin Goldenberg). Marie wants to love and marry Robert, who owns a farm near a lake, but she is sexually drawn to his employee Mac (David Gale). Meanwhile Shirley is dallying with Jay, whom she later turns against. Then a killer wearing a fright mask starts snuffing the people in the party. Could it be weird Otis (William Sanderson), who also works for Robert and is rumored to have a violent history? Or someone else? 

Savage Weekend is a strange slasher film with an adult cast -- instead of teens -- that meanders along until the killings begin but never quite boils over into anything worthwhile despite some good sequences. Although the movie works overtime trying to develop its red herrings, the killer will not come as much surprise to most viewers. Busy actor Christopher Allport plays Nicky as a mincing queen most of the time, but in an amusing scene beats up a couple of fag-bashers in a bar: "I wasn't brought up in the South Bronx for nothing." Although still affected, O'Heaney is better in this than she was in He Knows You're Alone. William Sanderson has had a very long career, but he might be most famous for playing Larry on Newhart; he gives a typically flavorful performance in this. One gets the feeling Weekend is a half-hearted attempt, with a screenplay just thrown together, and slayings thrown into the mix because horror was profitable. David Paulsen also directed Schizoid. Savage Weekend was actually made some years before its official release, so it predates Halloween and other slasher films. 

Verdict: If this was an attempt at something different, it just doesn't work. **.  

THE DIABOLICAL DR. Z

Trapped: Blain, Karr and Montes

THE DIABOLICAL DR. Z (aka Miss Muerte/1966). Director: Jesus Franco.  

Dr. Zimmer (Antonio Jimenez Escribano) is a neurologist whose theories are poo poohed by the establishment. When he drops dead, his daughter, Irma (Mabel Karr), uses his methods to exact revenge on the scientists who made fun of him. Her father had already made a mind-slave of psychotic strangler Hans Bergan (Guy Maraisse), but now Irma does the same to Nadia, a performer who calls herself "Miss Death" (Estella Blain) and does an act wherein she plays a spider lady in a web. Nadia's boyfriend is another neurologist named Philippe (Fernando Montes), who is acquainted with Irma, who fakes her death. While Nadia is using her long, sharp fingernails laced with curare to kill people, Philippe is searching for her -- as the body count rises ... 

Mabel Karr and Fernando Montes

While The Diabolical Dr. Z is no horror masterpiece, there's just something about it, a variety of perfectly weird elements and an almost unpredictable nature, that blend together into something quite compelling at times and almost always interesting. As Irma, Karr makes an icy, heartless villainess who almost seems as mindless in her actions as those she enslaves. The film is distinguished by crisp, excellent cinematography by Alejandro Ulloa which makes the most of some intriguing locations, including an old, seemingly abandoned house and the cellars below. It certainly adds to the atmosphere and the film's quirky appeal. While the film doesn't have a huge budget, the production values are a lot better than those in the films Franco directed with Harry Townes as producer. Franco himself appears as Inspector Tanner, who never gets enough sleep due to his wife having triplets. He directed over 200 movies! 

Verdict: One of Jess Franco's better movies -- it's more than watchable. ***. 

FATAL GAMES

FATAL GAMES (aka Olympic Nightmare/1983). Director (and co-writer): Michael Elliot. 

Seven high school athletes, Olympic-hopefuls all, have been chosen to go on to the Nationals. These athletes are unaware that Dr. Jordine (played by the director, Michael Elliot), has been using experimental hormones on them, something which does not sit well with his assistant, Diane (Sally Kirkland). As they begin to celebrate the good news, the young people are systematically murdered by a javelin-wielding assailant -- a hooded, heavy-breathing person in a track suit -- who then hides all of their bodies as their friends wonder what became of them. Could the killer be javelin-thrower Joe (Nicholas Love), runner Phil (Sean Masterson), gymnast Frank (Michael O'Leary), Coach Webber (Christopher Mankiewicz), swimming coach Drew (Spice Williams-Crosby), or somebody else? 

Fatal Games is in many ways a typical eighties slasher film, albeit more tasteful than most. If it weren't for the frequent shots of naked ladies and punctured victims, this could have been a made-for-TV murder mystery. Although the synthesizer score can be tiresome at times, it is also effective during key sequences, there are suspenseful moments, and some of the chase and stalking scenes are quite well-handled. The characters, especially the young people, are likable and fairly realistic. The performances range from professional to amateurish, with the best work being provided by Sally Kirkland and Michael O'Leary. Kirkland was a busy actress with nearly 300 credits, and O'Leary was on Guiding Light for years and is still acting today. Fatal Games is the only film directed by Michael Elliot. The snappy theme song, "Take It All the Way," was co-written by Deborah Shelton, star of Brian de Palma's Body Double. 

SPOILER ALERT: While I won't reveal the actual killer, this person turns out to be transgender. Their motive is their fury (and jealousy) at being stripped of medals years ago when it was determined that this character had too many male hormones even after she had had a sex change. This, of course, reminds one of the current debate about transwomen playing female sports, although this movie doesn't really delve into that issue at all. 

Verdict: By no means a great movie, but entertaining enough for slasher film fans who don't require buckets of blood. **3/4. 

CROCODILE (2000)

Mark McLachlan and Caitlin Martin

CROCODILE (Direct to Video/2000). Director: Tobe Hooper. 

A group of young people head for a lake and a houseboat for summer vacation, but have no idea that a humongous crocodile that is almost a century old -- brought into the country years ago by a weirdo who worshiped the crocodile god -- is on the loose and pissed off that someone made off with her eggs. Claire (Caitlin Martin) is hooked up with Brady (Mark McLachlan), but they have to put up with his jerk of a friend, Duncan (Chris Solari). A drunken Sunny (Sommer Knight) lets out that she had a one-nighter with Brady, and Claire wants to get out of the vacation. While this situation simmers, the crocodile starts chomping on residents and soon makes its presence known to one and all. 

The monster on the loose!

Crocodile is more polished and has a bigger budget than the director's most famous movie, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and it's entirely watchable, although the script could have used a lot more work. Although there is an attempt to make them dimensional, the characters are not that likable, and never express any remorse when one of them gets eaten. Some of their actions are inexplicable. Worse, while the audience has been hoping that Duncan, the most obnoxious character -- who made off with the eggs and other disagreeable acts, including getting Brady thrown out of college  -- will be devoured, even when he finally does get eaten the crocodile spits him out and he survives! The monster itself consists of a kind of okay rubber construction thing that floats on the water, some passable CGI, and prop mouth and teeth into which cast members throw themselves, and the like. It's bigger in some shots than in others. As for the actors, they are competent enough, and sometimes better than that. 

Terrence Evans and Adam Gierasch

Two of the most flavorful performances come from Terrence Evans as Shurkin and Adam Gierasch as his brother, Lester. These two weirdos own an alligator farm and seem like something out of Texas Chainsaw, as does the spooky and abandoned hotel that is shown and mentioned more than once but never really figures in the action. In an amusing scene Lester feeds the big croc -- known as "Flat Dog" -- with chickens and muses that he hopes it will eat his brother --- just before he becomes a snack himself! There are bloody moments in the film but nothing over the top. Excoriated by reviewers, Crocodile is entertaining enough, although seven years later a much better -- and better-made -- killer croc movie called Rogue came out. 

Verdict: Not one of Hooper's best nor worst. **1/2. 

CUTTING CLASS

Donovan Leitch Jr. 

CUTTING CLASS (1989). Director: Rospo Pallenberg.

High schooler Brian Woods (Donovan Leitch Jr.) went "away" for a while after his apparent murder of his father. Now his former best friend, Dwight (Brad Pitt), wants nothing to do with him. Adding tension is the fact that Brian and Dwight's girlfriend, Paula (Jill Schoelen of When a Stranger Calls Back), may be attracted to one another. An unknown person then goes about murdering teachers and students alike in various creative ways. The first apparent victim is Paula's father, William (Martin Mull), the district attorney who had Brian institutionalized. 

Robert Glaudini and Scholen try to help Brad Pitt

Cutting Class got mostly negative reviews, but it holds the attention and has various points of interest, including the cast. In this early role Brad Pitt is competent and nice-looking but one would not have necessarily imagined that he'd emerge a sex symbol and major star. Leitch, who is also a producer, musician, and former model, is the son of pop singer Donovan; he's good-looking and intense in this but his performance is a bit off at times. Schoelen is cute and competent, but Roddy McDowall (of Midnight Lace) is just awful in his over-the-top, campy turn as the principal who has an obvious yen for Paula. Martin Mull somehow survives an arrow in the chest early in the picture and we see scenes throughout of him struggling to get home in moments of black comedy. Brenda James is vivid as the bitchy Colleen, who becomes a victim of the killer. Robert Glaudini (of Parasite) is Shultz, the high school janitor.

Cutting Class isn't overly bloody, but it does have some creative "kills:" Colleen and her boyfriend pulled under the bleaches during a basketball game where the cries of the crowd drown out their screams as their throats are cut; vice principal Mrs. Knott (Nancy Fish) getting repeatedly clobbered at the photocopy machine (an idea used in other slasher films); and the coach (Dirk Blocker) getting punctured while bouncing on the trampoline. An art teacher getting cooked in a kiln is also a little different, although nowadays it would be much more graphic. Math teacher Mr. Glynn (Eric Boles) has a more conventional axe-to-the-head demise, but a bit of business involving a message left on the blackboard by the killer which Glynn rushes to solve is inexplicable. 

The biggest problem with Cutting Class is that it doesn't make much of an attempt to create suspense over the identity of the killer, who will come as no surprise to anyone in the audience. On the plus side is the climax, which takes place in a large workshop full of deadly instruments and is quite exciting. This was the only full movie directed by Rospo Pallenberg. 

Verdict: Not nearly as terrible as most people think, but despite good moments it still doesn't add up to that much. **1/2. 

ISLE OF FORGOTTEN SINS/ MONSOON

Sidney Toler and Gale Sondergaard

ISLE OF FORGOTTEN SINS (aka Monsoon/1943). Director: Edgar G. Ulmer. 

Marge (Gale Sondergaard) runs a shady casino and nightclub in the islands, where she waits for her lover, Mike (John Carradine), to arrive. Mike has a love-hate friendship with Jack Burke (Frank Fenton of Lady of Burlesque), and Mike tells him where they can find three million in gold on a sunken ship in a lagoon. The two men plan to steal it away from Krogen (Sidney Toler) and his partner, Johnny Pacific (Rick Vallin), but are unaware that these two men know what Mike and Jack are planning and have their own scheme in mind. After a shooting at the club, which is called the "Isle of Forgotten Sin," Marge importunes Mike to take her and some of her shady ladies to the lagoon to avoid the prying eyes of the law. Bur there will be a lot of skullduggery and double-crosses, not to mention a climactic storm, before anyone gets their hands permanently on the gold. 

Isle of Forgotten Sins not only features the novelty of a rare starring role for Sondergaard [The Spider Woman Strikes Back], but also gives her an unlikely pairing with Carradine (although that's not as strange as her teaming with Andy Devine in Never Say Die). Sidney Toler, who frequently played the venerable Charlie Chan, nearly steals the show playing the kind of nasty adversary that Chan would have had fun out-witting. Veda Ann Borg is cast as Luana, the native girl who is the lover of Johnny Pacific. There are a couple of good songs sung at the club -- "Tango" and "Moon Madness" -- but most of Leo Erdody's score sounds like it was borrowed from classical themes and is hardly ever appropriate. Despite the cast and situations, Isle of Forgotten Sins only really comes alive in the final minutes, but the low-budget of a PRC production could hardly approximate a really astonishing monsoon at the end so we're left with some heavy winds and a few water-logged actors in a tank.

Verdict: Nice to see Toler and Sondergaard and a few others, but the movie is strictly minor-league. **1/2.

YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER

YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER (2018). Co-written and directed by Brett Simmons. 

Chuck (Alyson Hannigan), a clerk in a video store, gets a frantic call from her buddy, Sam (Fran Kranz), whose family owns a camp that is 25 miles from nowhere. According to Sam, someone has killed nearly all of the counselors in gruesome ways and is trying to burn him alive in his cabin. Chuck, a horror film fanatic, asks Sam if he ever considered that he could be the killer. Early on we learn that Sam is indeed the killer, but he's decimating the counselors because of a mask with demonic propensities. Chuck warns Sam that of the counselors who are still alive -- very few -- one of them is bound to be the pure "final girl" who puts paid to the maniac. Could it be the lady who dumped him, Imani (Brittany S. Hall), or sweet, virginal Jamie (Jenna Harvey)? It seems that Sam's fate might be sealed ... 

You Might Be the Killer, a very black comedy, benefits from some good acting from the cast, especially Kranz as the hero, and Hannigan as his blunt and unflappable buddy. There are some good sequences, and a couple of minor chills. Although some fans complained the film wasn't gory enough, we get severed arms, heads chopped in half, decapitations, and the

like, making this as gruesome as most slasher films if not quite as bad as some. The trouble with the film is that all the flashbacks make the film choppy -- no pun intended -- and eventually quite tiresome. Despite some energy and all the bloodletting, You Might Eventually Be the Killer runs out of gas early on and eventually becomes an effort to sit through. At one point Sam advises the counselors not to run off because they will get lost in the woods and there are snakes and so on, but surely they drove to the camp on a road and could take it back to civilization? But movies like this are hardly ever logical. 

Verdict: More or less professionally done, but slasher films -- be they black comedies or not -- should never be boring. **. 

INVASION OF ASTRO-MONSTER

Ghidorah, the 3-headed monster, on the loose!

INVASION OF ASTRO-MONSTER (aka Monster Zero; Godzilla vs. Monster Zero; Kaiju daisenso/1965). Director: Ishiro Honda. 

Earth has discovered a new planet, Planet X, beyond Jupiter and send astronauts Glenn (Nick Adams) and Fuji (Akira Takarada) to investigate. There they find seemingly friendly aliens of Oriental cast whose world is constantly besieged by Ghidorah, the flying three-headed monster. If Earth will permit them to transfer Godzilla and Rodan -- who battled and defeated Ghidorah previously -- to Planet X, the aliens will give them a serum that will eliminate all disease. Earth's famous monsters are taken to Planet X, but the world soon learns of the aliens' duplicity. Unless they agree to be ruled by them as a satellite of Planet X, they will destroy the earth with the aid of the three colossal monsters. Meanwhile Fuji's sweet sister Haruno (Keiko Sawai) learns that her nerdy boyfriend Tetsuo (Akira Kubo) may have come up with a way of defeating the aliens. 

Nick Adams and Akira Takarada

Well, one thing you have to say for Invasion of Astro-Monster is that it's certainly colorful, and not nearly as awful as most of the Japanese monster flicks (of which Rodan was one of the better ones). Nick Adams, herein billed as "Nikku Adamusu," (as if anyone would think he was Japanese!), actually gives a perfectly good performance, exhibiting his trademark intensity and grumpiness. Although Adams was born in Pennsylvania, his accent sounds like he was raised in Brooklyn, and it sounds funny hearing his real voice in this Nipponese movie. Adams has the best line, after Fuji voices concern that Rodan and Godzilla will be left behind on Planet X: "Hey, those two have caused us enough trouble! Don't worry -- they'll find their way!"

The aliens of Planet X

The other actors, including Kumi Mizuno as the mysterious Miss Namikawa and Yoshio Tsuchiya as the Controller of Planet X, are all good, and some of the FX work, including many miniatures, is decent. Godzilla, as usual, looks and acts pretty stupid, but the other two creatures are a bit better. They are basically kept in the background until they have an all-out battle towards the end of the movie. 

Verdict: Fun enough if you can tolerate sixties Japanese monster movies -- otherwise, avoid! **1/2. 

BARON BLOOD

Pitiful victim of Baron Blood

BARON BLOOD (aka Gli orrori del castello di Norimberga/1972). Director: Mario Bava. (This review is based on the American print.)

Peter Kleist (Antonio Cantafora) arrives in Austria to be reunited with his Uncle Karl (Massimo Girotti), as well as to investigate the castle of his 16th century ancestor, Baron von Kleist, said to be a monster known popularly as "Baron Blood." When Peter discovers a parchment with an incantation that can raise the baron from the dead, he stupidly reads the words aloud, to the consternation of Eva (Elke Sommer of Ten Little Indians), who is helping to restore the castle. It should be no surprise that they succeed in bringing Baron Blood back from the dead, and then the corpses start piling up.  

Antonio Cantafora and Massimo Girotti

After the hanging by Baron Blood of the man who was going to turn the castle into a hotel, it is auctioned off to the highest bidder, who turns out to be Alfred Becker (Joseph Cotten of The Survivor). The other characters know little about Becker, but the audience will have no problem figuring out who he really is. One has to deal with some leaps of logic, as Becker seems to refurbish the castle in a matter of days. The murder sequences are violent, but nothing over the top, and the best scene probably has to do with the poor caregiver Fritz (Luciano Pigozzi of Naked You Die) being placed in a variation of a sharply-spiked iron maiden. 

Joseph Cotten

The movie was filmed at an actual castle on the outskirts of Vienna, which certainly adds oodles of atmosphere to the production. In addition to the murders, there's a climax in a Chamber of Horrors, although this sequence is too brief to be as effective as intended. The actors, including Sommer, are good enough, and Joseph Cotten, who never chews the scenery but exudes quiet, charming menace, adds a touch of distinction to the proceedings. Umberto Raho (of Terror-Creatures from the Grave) appears briefly as a police inspector. Vincent Price and Ray Milland, both of whom had appeared in Poe adaptations, were considered for the title role but Cotten agreed to play the part when the others couldn't. 

Verdict: Despite some good scenes and eerie moments, the picture is a little disjointed -- perhaps due to post-production tampering -- and just misses being a really good horror film. **3/4.  

CITADEL

Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Richard Madden

CITADEL (2023 - 2026 TV series/Amazon Prime). 

A spy organization called Citadel has essentially been wiped out by a criminal cartel called Manticore. Citadel agents, including Mason Kane (Richard Madden of Eternals) and Nadia Sinh (Priyanka Chopra Jonas), have had their minds wiped and been given new identities. Mason was married to Nadia, but in his new identity is married to Abby (Ashleigh Cummings). The Citadel agents practically kill each other until their original identities are brought back via a special injection. Meanwhile Bernard Orlick (Stanley Tucci), is doing his best to gather all of the surviving Citadel agents together to take on Manticore, which still wants to exterminate them all. At the end of the first season, Mason discovers that the head of Manticore is his own mother, Dahlia (Lesley Manville). 

Stanley Tucci

In the second season, which didn't come out until nearly three years after the first, the main storyline deals with attempts to (supposedly) stop the assassination of the Russian president, so that the "right" people can employ his state-of-the-art spy satellites. The villain in this is Paulo Braga (Gabriel Leone), who plans to send an assassin outfitted with a chip in the brain that can control a person's mind. Mason winds up in an uncomfortable alliance with his evil mother. Mason and Nadia are also enveloped in a real love-hate relationship while he tries to deal with his feelings for both Nadia and Abby (both women have young daughters with Mason).

Citadel could be written off as a confusing mess if it weren't for the fact that it has many exciting and suspenseful moments and is very well acted, especially by Tucci and Leone. Reportedly the budget for this show, one of the most expensive ever made, was over 300 million, and much of it shows in the lavish look of the globe-hopping series. At times the ultra-fast editing is a little too frenetic, however, so you can't always follow who's beating up whom, although the fight scenes are generally well-choreographed (if not as well as in those old cliffhanger serials). Entertaining enough while you're watching it, you will probably forget Citadel the moment you turn if off -- it's all stuff and nonsense. Although it tries in some ways to ape the Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible films, it is not on the same level. By the time of the final season two episode, two of the leads have been written out of the program. 

Verdict: Somehow I doubt that there will be a third season of Citadel, a modern-day take on The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (read Citadel for UNCLE and Manticore for THRUSH). **3/4. 

THE FINAL GIRLS

THE FINAL GIRLS (2015). Director: Todd Strauss-Schulson. 

Max (Taissa Farmiga) is the daughter of the late actress, Nancy (Malin Akerman), whose claim to fame was appearing in Camp Bloodbath twenty years earlier. Max is importuned to go with Chris (Alexander Ludwig), a boy she has a crush on, to a special showing of the film and its sequel. When a fire breaks out in the theater, Max, Chris and other friends escape through a hole in the screen and inexplicably wind up in the movie, where Max encounters her own mother, who is now about her age. Max and the others are hoping that the killer of the film, the tormented Billy turned maniac, will not go after them, but on that they are wrong. Meanwhile, as in You Might Be the Killer, there's an argument over which of the ladies will be the "final girl" who will kill Billy. 

While one could argue that the premise of Final Girls is somewhat clever, the execution is another story. The movie doesn't wallow in gore, but aside from one creepy and suspenseful sequence, it doesn't do much else. The acting is competent, but the screenplay becomes incredibly silly. A slow-motion chase sequence just when the film should be most exciting makes no sense at all. 

The cast of Final Girls

The movie, vastly overpraised, supposedly engenders some moments of "emotional depth" (having to do with mother and daughter, I suppose) but this is probably because the average slasher film fanatic wouldn't know emotional depth if it bit them on ass. We never learn if there were any survivors of what appears to be a terrible fire, and none of these young people even bother to ask -- so much for depth. One sequence is backed up by Kim Carnes choking out "Bette Davis Eyes." Ultimately, you can hardly wait for the film to just be over. It's like the cinematic equivalent of a Young Adult horror novel, and not one of the better ones. Outtakes make it clear that the cast had more fun making the movie than we did watching it. 

Verdict: A promising idea that quickly turns to schlock. *3/4. 

TERROR-CREATURES FROM THE GRAVE

Barbara Steele and Mirella Maravidi

TERROR-CREATURES FROM THE GRAVE (aka 5 tombe per un medium/1965). Director: Massimo Pupillo. Colorized.  

Lawyer Albert Kovak (Walter Brandi) pays a call on widow Cleo Hauff (Barbara Steele) and her stepdaughter Corinne (Mirella Maravidi), and learns that although his partner just received a letter from Dr. Geronimus Hauff (Umberto Raho), the man has been dead for nearly a year! For some reason Hauff, who was a student of the occult, has threatened revenge on five people who were present at his death, and three of them have already died in mysterious circumstances. As Albert investigates with Dr. Nemek (Alfredo Rizzo), more deaths occur. Then it develops that the widow Hauff and Albert's partner, Joseph Morgan (Riccardo Garrone), have been having an affair. The Hauff manor had been built over the ruins of a hospital where hundreds of plague victims died in the 15th century. On the one year anniversary of Dr. Hauff's death, their spirits will run wild!

Walter Brandi and Alfredo Rizzo

Terror-Creatures is an atmospheric Italian horror film which promises a lot but delivers very little. There is some suspense as you wait for the climax, which is criminally brief. Although shots of tombs and graves opening are provocative, we never see the actual ghouls which the audience has been impatiently waiting for. Instead some of the characters break out in a disfiguring plague. An interesting touch has a display case of human arms that were severed centuries before from people who spread the plague. Terror-Creatures has a lot of interesting elements to it, but few of them are realized. This is not one of Ms. Steele's better movies, although she's okay in it. 

Verdict: An Italian horror flick with real potential that is frittered away. **. 

THE SPIDER'S WEB

The Spider goes into action!

THE SPIDER'S WEB (15-chapter Columbia serial/1938). Directors: James W. Horne; Ray Taylor. Colorized. 

Criminologist Richard Wentworth (Warren Hull of A Bride for Henry) leads a dual life as the Spider, a take-no-prisoners crime-fighter. His colleagues are girlfriend, Nita (Iris Meredith), Jackson (Richard Fiske of Flying G-Men), and Ram Singh (Kenne Duncan of The Crimson Ghost). He has two main opponents: the masked Octopus, who is out to take over all of the power companies for his own illicit gain and who may be a member of the board of the Bureau of Power and Light; and Commissioner Kirk (Forbes Murray), who is a friend of Wentworth's but is always out to unmask him as the vigilante Spider. 

Ram Singh and Nita in a deadly water trap!

The Spider's Web is based on a whole slew of pulp novels featuring the character, and does not make many changes to the hero in the transition from page to screen. Hull makes a convincing hero, and is particularly good when he is in disguise as low-level criminal Blinky McQuaid. The other performers play with enthusiasm, especially Marc Lawrence as the hired gun, Steve Harmon. At one point the devilish Octopus uses a deadly ray gun to knock airplanes out of the sky. Cliffhangers include a deadly water trap, a plunging elevator, a trap with hot steam, and a bit when some dangling wires are cut, almost dooming our hero. 

The Octopus!

Although Wentworth is solicitous to a paper boy who is run over by escaping gunsels, it's odd that a young man named Charlie (Dick Durrell) and who helps the Spider, is pretty much forgotten after he is murdered by a confederate of the Octopus. The Spider's Web is an exciting and fast-paced serial with lots of action, its only deficits being a kind of hokey musical score, and a disappointing climax that is much too brief. As well, it perhaps doesn't create enough suspense over the identity of the Octopus as it could have. Ann Doran, Byron Foulger, Gloria Blondell, Nestor Paiva, and Tom Steele, have smaller roles. 

Verdict: As much fun and excitement as the famous pulp novels! ***. 

NAKED GIRL MURDERED IN THE PARK

Robert Hoffman and Irina Demick

NAKED GIRL MURDERED IN THE PARK (aka Raga tutta nuda assassinata nel parco/1972). Director: Alfonso Brescia. 

A man named Wallenberger is found dead coming out of the Tunnel of Terrors in an amusement park in Madrid. Insurance investigator Chris Buyer (Robert Hoffman) is assigned to the case to see if he can save the company from a million dollar pay-out. To that end, the handsome fellow romances Wallenberg's daughter, Catherine (Pilar Velazquez of A White Dress for Mariale), then winds up at her estate, where he also sleeps with her sister, Barbara (Patrizia Adiutori), and almost gets it on with their mother, Magda (Irina Demick). Inspector Huber (Adolfo Celi of Who Saw Her Die?) is also on the case, especially when more murders begin to occur. Other characters and suspects include waitress Kirsty (Teresa Gimpera of The Night of the Scorpion), Chris' co-worker Martin (Philippe Leroy of The Possessed) and the rugged and mute stable boy, Gunther (Howard Ross of The Killer Reserved Nine Seats). 

Demick with Adolfo Celi

At one point in this sometimes confusing Italian murder mystery, there is indeed a dead nude woman, although she isn't found in the park. Naked Girl sets up some intriguing situations, even if it doesn't always milk them for all that their worth. Austrian-born Hoffmann makes a cool insurance investigator and unrepentant lover boy, and the ladies are all attractive and competent. The best thing about the modestly suspenseful film, which hasn't much style, is a clever final twist. A nominal giallo film. 

Verdict: Interesting if highly imperfect Italian thriller. **3/4. 

BATMAN: THE BLACK WIDOW STRIKES AGAIN

Tallulah Bankhead faces down Batman

 THE BLACK WIDOW STRIKES AGAIN on Batman. ABC TV. 1967.

"You may be caped and you may be dynamic, but I find you a crashing bore!" -- Black Widow

When the campy Batman TV series hit the airwaves in the late sixties, a number of well-known actors were signed to play guest villains. Definitely the most memorable was talented stage [and screen] actress Tallulah Bankhead, with her trademark gravelly voice and withering, highly amusing delivery. Bankhead had already shown how good she could be in TV comedy when she guest-starred on what was probably the best Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour episode. On this two-part second season episode of Batman, she plays the comically sinister Black Widow, who apparently rode roughshod over Gotham City in the past (but never appeared previously on the show) and now is robbing banks with the aid of several confederates and a machine that saps men's wills. Therefore she sort of hypnotizes the bank officers into simply handing her oodles of cash. The cliffhanger has Bankhead unleashing cat-sized black widow spiders on Batman and Robin ("Batman! They're getting closer!"/ "I know, Robin!"). Arguably the funniest sequence has the Widow dressing up as Robin and growling at police officers, with her voice coming out of Burt Ward's body as the actor does a funny parody of Bankhead. Bolstering the proceedings -- along with Adam West as Batman and Ward as Robin, both excellent as usual (not to mention wonderful Neil Hamilton and Stafford Repp as the police and Alan Napier as Alfred) -- are the appearances of Grady Sutton (The Bank Dick) as a nervous bank teller and Len Felber as the bank manager. The campy approach to Batman is now passe, but I must say this was a very, very funny and clever episode of the often dopey series. Bankhead's most famous movie is Hitchcock's Lifeboat; she starred in Die, Die My Darling two years before doing Batman.

Verdict: Bankhead and Batman are an unbeatable combination. ***.

THE LODGER (2009)

Simon Baker as mysterious Malcolm

THE LODGER (2009). Writer/director: David Ondaatje. Loosely based on the novel by Marie Belloc Lowndes.

In West Hollywood Ellen Bunting (Hope Davis) and her husband (Donal Logue) rent a room to a handsome writer named Malcolm (Simon Baker), whom Ellen is strongly drawn to. Meanwhile Detective Chandler Manning (Alfred Molina of Spider-Man 2) and rookie detective Street Wilkinson (Shane West) investigate grisly slayings of prostitutes which first remind them of the work of a convicted and executed killer who may have been innocent, and then seem to be copycat killings of Jack the Ripper. Oddly, the same year this was released British television came out with the superior Whitechapel: The Ripper Returns which also had a copycat Jack the Ripper. Another similarity is that both of these stories pair a grizzled veteran with a new, much younger cop, whom the veteran assumes is gay but turns out (supposedly) not to be (Wilkinson lets Manning's dumb homophobic remarks just slide). Since there are gay cops it might have been more refreshing if Wilkinson had really been gay, and it makes little sense that he allows the obnoxious Manning to think he is without correcting him. What The Lodger has going for it is that it delivers a couple of unexpected and clever twists at the end, but unfortunately it never really delivers the much-needed tension or suspense due to directorial slackness, and the characters aren't that well developed; Manning is unsympathetic as well. The performances are good, however. Tasmanian actor Baker starred as The Mentalist on CBS for several years.

Verdict: Worth a look for the ending if nothing else. **1/2.

OBSESSION (2025)

 OBSESSION (2025). Writer/director: Curry Barker.

Bear (Michael Johnston) is an attractive if nerdy young man who is infatuated with the pretty Nikki (Inde Navarrette). She seems to think of him only as a friend, but one day -- in desperation -- he uses a novelty item called the "One Wish Willow" to make her fall in love with him. Bear never expects it to work, so it's not as if he was using a date rape drug. Nevertheless, the results are not what he expected. Nikki does indeed fall in love with Bear but she begins to act very strangely and obsessively. It's definitely a case of "be careful what you wish for."

Obsession is an obvious play on the notion that a sick infatuation can lead to destruction of both yourself and the object of your affection. Proving that there's nothing new under the sun, the basic premise -- a man uses supernatural means to make someone fall in love with him to his regret --was used in numerous horror comic book stories, and there isn't that much that's terribly original in this picture. The movie is slow, the direction generally uninspired, although the acting by the two leads and others is on the money. 

Although the film is comparatively tasteful for a modern-day horror flick -- of course the film is so underlit you really can't see that much of the more gruesome stuff -- it doesn't resist one moment of slasher-type carnage late in the picture. Bear takes much, much too long to suggest -- if he ever really does -- that Nikki may need psychiatric help, but as the characters in this are pretty one-dimensional it probably doesn't matter. The picture takes a long time to really get going, and the build-up isn't worth it. 

Verdict: A low-energy, over-long, and vastly over-rated horror film with excellent performances. **1/4.