UNCLE: THE SORT-OF-DO-IT-YOURSELF-DREADFUL AFFAIR

Model A-77 (Willi Koopman) goes on the rampage 

THE SORT-OF-DO-IT-YOURSELF-DREADFUL AFFAIR (1966). The Man from Uncle; season three; episode two. Teleplay by Harlan Ellison. Director: E. Darrell. Hallenbeck. 

Trying to get at some files from the evil organization Thrush, UNCLE agent Napoleon Solo (Robert Vaughn) encounters a strange guardian of the files: a beautiful woman who is impervious to bullets and seems super-strong. She turns out to be a cyborg, mostly artificial but with some human parts. The cyborg's face is modeled on a young lady who was the roommate of "Andy" Francis (Jeannine Riley), who gets involved with Solo and Illya (David McCallum) on their investigation. 

David McCallum and Robert Vaughn

Thrush, which is already a very wealthy organization, wants a billion dollar loan and Napoleon poses as a representative of the bank. Thrush's goal is to build a great many of these cyborgs "to help mankind," although their true purpose will be to act as unexpected soldiers. The scientist behind this is the unwitting Dr. Pertwee (Woodrow Parfrey), while his Thrush liaison is the sensual Margo Hayward (Pamela Curran). Eventually our heroes, along with Andy, manage to get into Thrush's New York headquarters, where they find themselves up against not only the forces of Thrush, but a whole bevy of beautiful and deadly killer cyborgs. 

She-Cyborgs on the loose! 

By the third season of the show, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. had become increasingly absurd and campy, trying too hard to imitate Batman or Get Smart. Nevertheless, some of the third season episodes at least had some amusing entertainment value. While one could argue that "The Sort-of-Do-It-Yourself-Dreadful Affair" is an example of why TV was called the "boob tube," the episode still has several points of interest. It is one of only a couple of episodes scripted by speculative fiction writer Harlan Ellison, for one thing. Underneath the bizarre aspects, there is something unsettling about the premise, as well as the fate of the innocent woman whose face and fabric is stolen after her accidental death. 

Pamela Curran

Both Vaughn [Solo] and McCallum hold on to their dignity despite the far-out quality of the story, and with her mature sex kitten and sinister persona Pamela Curran makes her mark as Margo. Veteran actor Fritz Feld [The Catman of Paris] is a delight as a representative of the bank, who is nearly apoplectic at all the goings-on, and Naomi Stevens has a funny bit as a phony fortune teller with a bad case of heartburn. The music when the cyborgs go on the rampage is wild. The A-77 cyborgs are played by Willi Koopman (whose first name is misspelled "Willy" in the closing credits), a very attractive actress who had only a few credits, mostly in decorative roles. This episode may well have been inspired by Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine, which came out the previous year, and its 1966 follow-up, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, both of which were much, much worse than "Do-It-Yourself Dreadful." 

Verdict: Frankly there have been much better episodes of this series, but this one is oddly engaging. ***.

THE PSYCHOPATH

THE PSYCHOPATH (1966). Director: Freddie Francis.

Despite its title and the fact that it was written by Robert Bloch (who wrote the novel Hitchcock's Psycho was based upon), The Psychopath is not quite a psycho-shocker with an emphasis on gruesome deaths (although there are some of those, of course, but they're not too graphic). Rather it's a comparatively tasteful mystery about a series of murders of men who may have wrongly accused a German man of being a war criminal. The man's widow, Mrs. Von Sturm (Margaret Johnston) and son Mark (John Standing) are suspects, but there are other possibilities as well. The killer leaves dolls that resemble the victims at the scene of each murder. The mystery deepens when people who have no connection to the Von Sturm's start being targeted. Absorbing, well-acted thriller (Johnston is particularly good if slightly hammy at times) is no Psycho but it has its moments (including some awkward, stilted ones). There's a good climactic fight in a shipyard (with classical music in the background) and an effective credit sequence with evocative music by Elisabeth Lutyens. Patrick Wymark is the inspector on the case; he's bland but more than competent. The epilogue when the killer is finally revealed is nicely chilling and disturbing. 

Verdict: This is suspenseful stuff in a minor key. ***. 

THE BRIDES OF FU MANCHU

Christopher Lee and Tsai Chin

THE BRIDES OF FU MANCHU (1966). Director: Don Sharp. 

In this sequel to The Face of Fu Manchu, the diabolical Chinese doctor (Christopher Lee of Alias John Preston) is kidnapping the daughters of prominent scientists so that he can force their fathers to work on a devastating weapon with which he hopes to conquer the world. His chief adversary, of course, is Nayland Smith (Douglas Wilmer), accompanied by Dr. Petrie (Howard Marion-Crawford), while Fu's assistants include his daughter Lin Tang (Tsai Chin), the faithful Feng (Burt Kwouk), and the quisling Nikki Sheldon (Harald Leipnitz of The Sinister Monk). Franz Baumer (Heinz Drache) takes the place of one of the fathers so that he can lead Smith to the Temple of Karna where the prisoners are held and Fu has the controls for his weapon. Fu succeeds in vaporizing one ship and all of its passengers -- we see little children playing on the boat deck before this happens -- and has set his sights on destroying all of the participants in a political conference unless he can be stopped ... 

Douglas Wilmer

With a wealth of material from Sax Rohmer's atmospheric, detailed, and suspenseful novels about Fu Manchu, it's a shame that the British films featuring the character are comparatively bland and tame. Sure, we have one poor woman thrown into a pit of vipers, but Brides has none of the outre creatures or torture devices employed by Fu in the books. The super-weapon the scientists develop is pretty lame, especially when you compare it to similar devices in spy movies of the period. As usual Fu himself is completely one-dimensional, where there was more substance to him in the novels. 

The "brides," Carole Gray, Rupert Davies

Brides is a step down from Face of Fu Manchu, which was also directed by Don Sharp. The only real period atmosphere is provided by the automobiles, and the film has little urgency or real excitement. As Nayland Smith, Wilmer is okay, but not as good as Nigel Green in the first film. Lee is also okay, but seems a bit disinterested, treading water -- he would get worse. An interesting, if under-developed character is Abdul (Salmaan Peerzada) who surreptitiously works against Fu Manchu and does his best to help the shanghaied ladies. Carole Gray plays Michelle, one of the women, and Rupert Davies is her father. All in all, it's just a bit bleh. 

Verdict: Acceptable but minor-league Fu film. **1/2. 

TIP NOT INCLUDED

Jerry dives off and grabs the bottom rungs of copter!

TIP NOT INCLUDED (aka Die Rechnung --eiskalt serviert/1966). Director: Helmuth Ashley. 

FBI agent Jerry Cotton (George Nader) is enjoying a drink when he tries to help a man, Thomas (Christian Doermer), who is dragged out of the club by thugs. Thomas is one of several men who is participating, perhaps unwillingly in his case, in a plot to rob the U.S. Treasury. Thomas' friend Phyllis (Yvonne Monlaur) is kidnapped by the gang when it is suspected that she knows more about his activities than she really does. Jerry affects a rescue of her, and tries to warn Clark (Walter Rilla), head of the Treasury, about the upcoming robbery, but he doesn't listen, and the mint is robbed of millions. Now it's up to Jerry to round up the gang and get the moolah back!

George Nader as Jerry Cotton

This is another entertaining West German Jerry Cotton movie with Nader essaying the role in his usual slick and heroic style. At one point Jerry launches himself off a high rooftop and miraculously grabs hold of the bottom rungs of a helicopter taking off. (The process work in this exciting sequence is very well done.) Heinz Weiss appears as Jerry's partner, Phil Decker, but he doesn't get much to do in this entry. There's an interesting development when Jerry takes the blame for letting the robbery occur to spare Clark, who blames himself and is on the verge of suicide. Jerry winds up being suspended but, true to form, stays in action. 

Verdict: Handsome Nader does the derring-do with flair. **3/4. 

THE MURDER CLINIC

Francoise Prevost and Harriet Medin

THE MURDER CLINIC (aka La lama nel corpo/1966). Directors: Elio Scardamaglia; Leonello De Felice.

In 1870 Dr. Robert Vance (William Berger of Night of the Skull) tries to run a clinic for the mentally disturbed after being acquitted of the attempted murder of his sister-in-law, Laura (Delfi Mauro). Now Vance and his wife, Lizabeth (Mary Young), preside over a motley crew of patients and staff, including the psychotic Fred (Massimo Righi), pretty nurse Mary (Barbara Wilson), studly attendant Ivan (Germano Longo), head nurse Sheena (Harriet Medin), and mute Janey (Anna Maria Polani). But who is the strange person in the cape and hood who walks back and forth, back and forth, on the third floor? Dr. Vance thinks he has enough problems when an unknown person murders one of the patients, but then he has to deal with a blackmailing murderess named Gisele (Francoise Prevost). 

Coming to terms: William Berger and Francoise Prevost

With its intriguing back story -- told in flashback -- showing the tragedy in the past of the Vances, as well as the sinister developments in the present, the thoroughly unpredictable Murder Clinic emerges as a terrific Italian terror film. The score by Francesco De Masi, which can be both creepy and intensely romantic, almost operatic, adds immeasurably to the film's impact. The huge old building that serves as the sanitarium is practically another character. Austrian actor William Berger had a great many credits while this was the only picture for Barbara Wilson; Mary Young only had two credits while Prevost amassed quite a few. 

Verdict: Lurid and delightful -- this is not a clinic you would want to be admitted to. ***. 

OSS 117: MISSION TOKYO

Frederick Stafford and Marina Vlady

OSS 117: MISSION TO TOKYO (aka Atout coeur a Tokyo pour OSS 117/1966). Director: Michel Boisrond. 

Agent 117 (Frederick Stafford) figures out that a U.S. military base was wiped out by a miniature plane, so his next stop is Japan. In Tokyo he interacts with two women: Eva Wilson (Marina Vlady), who apparently gave away the coordinates of the aforementioned base; and adorable "hostess" Tetsuko (Jitsuko Yoshimura), who is actually a lieutenant who is working undercover. Wealthy entrepreneur Yekota (Valery Inkijinoff) has joined forces with shipbuilder Vargas (Mario Pisu) to blackmail the U.S. to pay them millions or else another base will be destroyed. Wanting to draw out the bad guys, 117 pretends to be Eva's husband until the real husband, John Wilson (Henri Serre), puts in an appearance. Is Eva being forced to work with Yekota and his associates because of her estranged husband, or is she doing this on her own? 117 will find out once he reaches Yekota's HQ on a huge ship on the ocean. 

Jitsuko Yoshimura with Stafford

In some ways Mission to Tokyo might come off like an inferior rip-off of You Only Live Twice, if it weren't for the fact that the Bond film came out the following year. Nevertheless the Japanese settings are telling. Not only is this not as good as the 007 adventure, it's inferior to Stafford's first 117 film, Mission for a Killer, even though Terence Young, who wrote and directed Dr. No and directed both From Russia with Love and Thunderball, "adapted" the screenplay for this picture. 117 has an amusing battle with a giant Sumo wrestler, and the production values are solid, but otherwise this is a fairly standard Eurospy film and no more. At one point 117 pretty much implies that he won't protect Eva unless she sleeps with him -- what a guy! In French with English sub-titles. 

Verdict: Watch You Only Live Twice instead. **1/2. 

THE SUCCESSOR

THE SUCCESSOR. Burt Schiller. Originally published in 1966. Aardvark Press Edition; 2022. 

Back in the day when I was a teen and The Man from UNCLE was my favorite TV show, I picked up a paperback in my local stationary store called The Successor because the plot made it almost sound like an episode of that show. The hero, Benjamin Seeker, inherits almost everything from his father, not knowing that his father was the founder and head of a criminal cartel called Unicorn (which reminded me of THRUSH, Uncle's nemesis). Seeker is pretty much told that he either takes over the organization or he'll die because he knows too much. For most of the book he tries to dodge or get away from Unicorn operatives with homicidal intent while trying to make up his mind what to do. 

I knew The Man from UNCLE could be weird -- it eventually degenerated into a foolish out and out comedy before getting back on track, too late, for the fourth season -- but The Successor even out-weirded that show. I mean in one of the early chapters Ben is kidnapped by two Unicorn operatives nicknamed "Ma and Pa Kettle." Ben is put into a bathtub where the mentally-defective "Pa" -- thinking Ben is a baby -- objects when "Ma" starts man-handling Ben in a way that no one should ever touch a baby. Definitely not ready for prime time! And that's only the start!

The wildest chapter is entitled "Killer Nuns," in which a group of women, who may or may not be actual nuns, force Ben to make love to them in order for them to release him and two other captives. Typical of sixties "spy"-types, although Seeker is not really a spy, Ben is absolutely irresistible to all women and horny for all of them as well. (The back cover copy reads "women want to smother him with kisses. Men want to riddle him with bullets," carried over from the old paperback edition.) One of the Unicorn operatives is Father Dunn, who leads the "nuns." Another is called Gorgon, who weighs 300 pounds and runs around in his underpants!

Okay, The Successor is obviously not a work of serious intent, and it is by no means politically correct, although I always thought it had a very good basic premise. However, it is so bizarre and amusing at times that I can see why a small press has brought out a new edition of the novel, written by an ad man named Burt Schiller (as far as I know this was his only book).

Verdict: This is by no means everyone's cup of java -- its weirdness both works for and against it -- but you gotta love any book that has killer nuns in it! **3/4. 

THE BLACK BOX AFFAIR

Craig Hill

THE BLACK BOX AFFAIR (aka Il mondo trema/1966). Director: James Harris (Marcello Ciorciolini). 

Johnny Grant (Craig Hill of You Have to Run Fast) is a spy who retired when his wife was murdered, but former boss Mr. X (Herbert Montureano) and his old partner, Pablo (Luis Marin), need him back in the game. Various agents have gathered to try to recover a "black box" from an aircraft that crashed. This does not refer to the black boxes you generally find in airplanes, but to a mysterious device with unusual properties that Russian and Chinese agents want to get their hands on. Johnny decides to join in when he learns that his arch-enemy Fabian (Rolf Tasna), who was responsible for his wife's death, is also up to his old tricks. 

Hill with Rossella Bergamonti

Johnny and Pablo bounce around and eventually wind up in Vienna, where there is some action at the amusement park (which later figured in the James Bond movie The Living Daylights). Johnny dallies with several ladies: the drug-addicted Ambra (Moa Tahi); the duplicitous Myriam (Rossella Bergamonti); and the lovely Madame Florian (Teresa Gimpera), who may also have her own secrets. The movie has plenty of lively fistfights, especially at the opening, and Hill makes a splendid spy. The villains try to kill Johnny by blowing up an entire airliner, but he hardly seems concerned about this, and is making jokes with Pablo not much later. Twenty-four years after appearing together in this film Hill and Gimpera were married. 

Verdict: Slugfests are not enough to make a great movie, but Hill is effective and this at least holds the attention. **1/2. 

 

CASTLE OF EVIL

Bad things always happen after there's talk of a will

CASTLE OF EVIL (1966). Director: Francis D. Lyon. 

On an isolated island near Nassau, a woman named Lupe (Shelley Morrison) gathers together a group of people who knew her late employer, Kovic (William Thorlby). Lupe, who was the housekeeper, tells the assemblage that Kovic blamed one of them -- all of whom he hated and vice versa -- for an accident that disfigured and eventually killed him, and that the others must uncover who the culprit is before they can inherit his vast fortune. 

Virginia Mayo

Here is where you might imagine that someone starts killing off the heirs one by one, but, alas, that is not the case, although at least one person does kick off. Kovic has built a mechanical man in his own image and it begins to stalk the heirs in the film's final minutes. The most interesting thing about Castle of Evil is its cast, which is comprised of a few former movie stars who perform with perhaps more professional polish than the picture deserves: Virginia Mayo, as a former lover of Kovic; David Brian as a lawyer; Hugh Marlowe [Earth vs. the Flying Saucers] as a doctor; Scott Brady [They Were So Young] as a former associate of Kovic's; and Lisa Gaye as his girlfriend. Gaye gives the most vivid performance, but the others are all good as well, with attractive Mayo being the most appealing. They all deserved a better script and more vital director. Francis D. Lyon also directed Cult of the Cobra. 

Verdict: Minimal excitement. **. 

FANTASTIC VOYAGE

The Proteus in a capillary

FANTASTIC VOYAGE (1966). Director: Richard Fleischer.  

After an important scientist is attacked and nearly killed by "the other side," his bodyguard, Grant (Stephen Boyd), is called in to the HQ of CMDF (Combined Miniature Deterrent Forces). There he learns to his horror that an operation on the scientist's brain must be performed from the inside. That's right -- the entire medical team, along with a queasy Grant, will be shrunk to microscopic size, inserted into a blood vessel, and sent via submarine, the Proteus, on a "fantastic voyage" to save the man's life. But is it possible the lead surgeon, Dr. Duval (Arthur Kennedy of Impulse), is a traitor? Or is it one of the others -- the pilot, Owens (William Redfield), Dr. Michaels (Donald Pleasence of Circus of Horrors), or Duval's shapely assistant, Cora (Raquel Welch)? 

Pleasence, Kennedy, Boyd, Welch

With its totally absurd premise and situations -- surely the scientist's brain could be operated on in the normal way? -- one has to suspend disbelief from start to finish when it comes to Fantastic Voyage. Once you accept that, you're in for an unparalleled thrill ride, with one startling emergency situation after another: a tear in a vessel's tissue causes a whirlpool that nearly shakes the sub apart; Grant is nearly lost in a wind-blown lung cavity; a noise in the operating theater when the Proteus must proceed through the inner ear causes anti-bodies to attack Cora; and so on. The special effects for the movie, combined with impressive and well-dressed sets, done in the days before CGI, still hold up all of these years later. The film is a visual knock-out -- especially in widescreen -- and although the pace is on the deliberate side, the suspense and tension is continuously sustained.

A tense moment on board the Proteus

On the debit side, all of the characters are one-dimensional, although in general the acting is solid. Welch never seems quite real, however, almost like a walking Barbie doll. Monitoring the sub via a tiny radioactive particle are Edmond O'Brien and Arthur O'Connell as General Carter and Colonel Reid, respectively. These two manage to get across the stress they are undergoing while the actors on the Proteus may, at times, seem a little too cool under pressure. But none of that really matters: Fantastic Voyage is a fun and eye-popping ride and one of the most original movies ever made. 

Verdict: Excellent sci-fi/fantasy -- a remake is not in order. ***1/2. 

GAMMERA, THE INVINCIBLE

The big turtle attacks a ship!

GAMMERA, THE INVINCIBLE (aka Daikaiju Gamera/1965-1966). Director: Noriaki Yuasa. 

When several Russian pilots carrying atomic bombs fly off course, one of them crash lands and sets off an explosion that awakens a sleeping monster: the dread Gammera, a gargantuan turtle who can roast people with his flame breath a la Godzilla. Gammera seems mean-tempered, although he saves the life of an idiot little boy who has an obsession with turtles, an act which doesn't stop the turtle from stomping on others. Just when the authorities think they have found a way to stop the turtle's rampage, it turns out that he can turn his shell into a flying, spinning projectile with flame coming out of its openings. Gammera feeds on fire and other forms of energy. What to do? What to do? 

Dick O'Neill as the general in added scenes

Like Godzilla before it, Gammera is a combination of a 1965 Japanese film with American footage released in the U.S. the following year. This footage features a General (Dick O'Neill) barking orders at his staff, as well as a meeting at the U.N. with the Secretary of State (Albert Dekker of Dr. Cyclops) and General Arnold (Brian Donlevy of The Creeping Unknown). There is also a comical TV show in which the existence of Gammera is debated by two feuding and nutty scientists. The Japanese characters include Dr. Hidaka (Eiji Funakoshi), who tries to destroy the monster even as the U.N. come up with plan "Z." 

Brian Donlevy

Gammera, who can walk on its hind legs as well as on all fours, is brought to life via "suitmation" (a stunt man in a costume) as well as with several props and a lot of miniatures. Some of the process work is cruddy but at other times it's effective at blending the monster with the screaming, hysterical populace. The odd thing about Gammera is that the script is workable, but the execution is haphazard, and one suspects this was the case even before the American footage was spliced into the original movie. Gammera was featured in several sequels and became a hero to small children a la Godzilla.

Verdict: Somehow a turtle just doesn't make a very formidable monster despite the damage he does. **.