THE DIABOLICAL DR. Z

Trapped: Blain, Karr and Montes

THE DIABOLICAL DR. Z (aka Miss Muerte/1966). Director: Jesus Franco.  

Dr. Zimmer (Antonio Jimenez Escribano) is a neurologist whose theories are poo poohed by the establishment. When he drops dead, his daughter, Irma (Mabel Karr), uses his methods to exact revenge on the scientists who made fun of him. Her father had already made a mind-slave of psychotic strangler Hans Bergan (Guy Maraisse), but now Irma does the same to Nadia, a performer who calls herself "Miss Death" (Estella Blain) and does an act wherein she plays a spider lady in a web. Nadia's boyfriend is another neurologist named Philippe (Fernando Montes), who is acquainted with Irma, who fakes her death. While Nadia is using her long, sharp fingernails laced with curare to kill people, Philippe is searching for her -- as the body count rises ... 

Mabel Karr and Fernando Montes

While The Diabolical Dr. Z is no horror masterpiece, there's just something about it, a variety of perfectly weird elements and an almost unpredictable nature, that blend together into something quite compelling at times and almost always interesting. As Irma, Karr makes an icy, heartless villainess who almost seems as mindless in her actions as those she enslaves. The film is distinguished by crisp, excellent cinematography by Alejandro Ulloa which makes the most of some intriguing locations, including an old, seemingly abandoned house and the cellars below. It certainly adds to the atmosphere and the film's quirky appeal. While the film doesn't have a huge budget, the production values are a lot better than those in the films Franco directed with Harry Townes as producer. Franco himself appears as Inspector Tanner, who never gets enough sleep due to his wife having triplets. He directed over 200 movies! 

Verdict: One of Jess Franco's better movies -- it's more than watchable. ***. 

FATAL GAMES

FATAL GAMES (aka Olympic Nightmare/1983). Director (and co-writer): Michael Elliot. 

Seven high school athletes, Olympic-hopefuls all, have been chosen to go on to the Nationals. These athletes are unaware that Dr. Jordine (played by the director, Michael Elliot), has been using experimental hormones on them, something which does not sit well with his assistant, Diane (Sally Kirkland). As they begin to celebrate the good news, the young people are systematically murdered by a javelin-wielding assailant -- a hooded, heavy-breathing person in a track suit -- who then hides all of their bodies as their friends wonder what became of them. Could the killer be javelin-thrower Joe (Nicholas Love), runner Phil (Sean Masterson), gymnast Frank (Michael O'Leary), Coach Webber (Christopher Mankiewicz), swimming coach Drew (Spice Williams-Crosby), or somebody else? 

Fatal Games is in many ways a typical eighties slasher film, albeit more tasteful than most. If it weren't for the frequent shots of naked ladies and punctured victims, this could have been a made-for-TV murder mystery. Although the synthesizer score can be tiresome at times, it is also effective during key sequences, there are suspenseful moments, and some of the chase and stalking scenes are quite well-handled. The characters, especially the young people, are likable and fairly realistic. The performances range from professional to amateurish, with the best work being provided by Sally Kirkland and Michael O'Leary. Kirkland was a busy actress with nearly 300 credits, and O'Leary was on Guiding Light for years and is still acting today. Fatal Games is the only film directed by Michael Elliot. The snappy theme song, "Take It All the Way," was co-written by Deborah Shelton, star of Brian de Palma's Body Double. 

SPOILER ALERT: While I won't reveal the actual killer, this person turns out to be transgender. Their motive is their fury (and jealousy) at being stripped of medals years ago when it was determined that this character had too many male hormones even after she had had a sex change. This, of course, reminds one of the current debate about transwomen playing female sports, although this movie doesn't really delve into that issue at all. 

Verdict: By no means a great movie, but entertaining enough for slasher film fans who don't require buckets of blood. **3/4. 

CROCODILE (2000)

Mark McLachlan and Caitlin Martin

CROCODILE (Direct to Video/2000). Director: Tobe Hooper. 

A group of young people head for a lake and a houseboat for summer vacation, but have no idea that a humongous crocodile that is almost a century old -- brought into the country years ago by a weirdo who worshiped the crocodile god -- is on the loose and pissed off that someone made off with her eggs. Claire (Caitlin Martin) is hooked up with Brady (Mark McLachlan), but they have to put up with his jerk of a friend, Duncan (Chris Solari). A drunken Sunny (Sommer Knight) lets out that she had a one-nighter with Brady, and Claire wants to get out of the vacation. While this situation simmers, the crocodile starts chomping on residents and soon makes its presence known to one and all. 

The monster on the loose!

Crocodile is more polished and has a bigger budget than the director's most famous movie, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and it's entirely watchable, although the script could have used a lot more work. Although there is an attempt to make them dimensional, the characters are not that likable, and never express any remorse when one of them gets eaten. Some of their actions are inexplicable. Worse, while the audience has been hoping that Duncan, the most obnoxious character -- who made off with the eggs and other disagreeable acts, including getting Brady thrown out of college  -- will be devoured, even when he finally does get eaten the crocodile spits him out and he survives! The monster itself consists of a kind of okay rubber construction thing that floats on the water, some passable CGI, and prop mouth and teeth into which cast members throw themselves, and the like. It's bigger in some shots than in others. As for the actors, they are competent enough, and sometimes better than that. 

Terrence Evans and Adam Gierasch

Two of the most flavorful performances come from Terrence Evans as Shurkin and Adam Gierasch as his brother, Lester. These two weirdos own an alligator farm and seem like something out of Texas Chainsaw, as does the spooky and abandoned hotel that is shown and mentioned more than once but never really figures in the action. In an amusing scene Lester feeds the big croc -- known as "Flat Dog" -- with chickens and muses that he hopes it will eat his brother --- just before he becomes a snack himself! There are bloody moments in the film but nothing over the top. Excoriated by reviewers, Crocodile is entertaining enough, although seven years later a much better -- and better-made -- killer croc movie called Rogue came out. 

Verdict: Not one of Hooper's best nor worst. **1/2. 

CUTTING CLASS

Donovan Leitch Jr. 

CUTTING CLASS (1989). Director: Rospo Pallenberg.

High schooler Brian Woods (Donovan Leitch Jr.) went "away" for a while after his apparent murder of his father. Now his former best friend, Dwight (Brad Pitt), wants nothing to do with him. Adding tension is the fact that Brian and Dwight's girlfriend, Paula (Jill Schoelen of When a Stranger Calls Back), may be attracted to one another. An unknown person then goes about murdering teachers and students alike in various creative ways. The first apparent victim is Paula's father, William (Martin Mull), the district attorney who had Brian institutionalized. 

Robert Glaudini and Scholen try to help Brad Pitt

Cutting Class got mostly negative reviews, but it holds the attention and has various points of interest, including the cast. In this early role Brad Pitt is competent and nice-looking but one would not have necessarily imagined that he'd emerge a sex symbol and major star. Leitch, who is also a producer, musician, and former model, is the son of pop singer Donovan; he's good-looking and intense in this but his performance is a bit off at times. Schoelen is cute and competent, but Roddy McDowall (of Midnight Lace) is just awful in his over-the-top, campy turn as the principal who has an obvious yen for Paula. Martin Mull somehow survives an arrow in the chest early in the picture and we see scenes throughout of him struggling to get home in moments of black comedy. Brenda James is vivid as the bitchy Colleen, who becomes a victim of the killer. Robert Glaudini (of Parasite) is Shultz, the high school janitor.

Cutting Class isn't overly bloody, but it does have some creative "kills:" Colleen and her boyfriend pulled under the bleaches during a basketball game where the cries of the crowd drown out their screams as their throats are cut; vice principal Mrs. Knott (Nancy Fish) getting repeatedly clobbered at the photocopy machine (an idea used in other slasher films); and the coach (Dirk Blocker) getting punctured while bouncing on the trampoline. An art teacher getting cooked in a kiln is also a little different, although nowadays it would be much more graphic. Math teacher Mr. Glynn (Eric Boles) has a more conventional axe-to-the-head demise, but a bit of business involving a message left on the blackboard by the killer which Glynn rushes to solve is inexplicable. 

The biggest problem with Cutting Class is that it doesn't make much of an attempt to create suspense over the identity of the killer, who will come as no surprise to anyone in the audience. On the plus side is the climax, which takes place in a large workshop full of deadly instruments and is quite exciting. This was the only full movie directed by Rospo Pallenberg. 

Verdict: Not nearly as terrible as most people think, but despite good moments it still doesn't add up to that much. **1/2. 

ISLE OF FORGOTTEN SINS/ MONSOON

Sidney Toler and Gale Sondergaard

ISLE OF FORGOTTEN SINS (aka Monsoon/1943). Director: Edgar G. Ulmer. 

Marge (Gale Sondergaard) runs a shady casino and nightclub in the islands, where she waits for her lover, Mike (John Carradine), to arrive. Mike has a love-hate friendship with Jack Burke (Frank Fenton of Lady of Burlesque), and Mike tells him where they can find three million in gold on a sunken ship in a lagoon. The two men plan to steal it away from Krogen (Sidney Toler) and his partner, Johnny Pacific (Rick Vallin), but are unaware that these two men know what Mike and Jack are planning and have their own scheme in mind. After a shooting at the club, which is called the "Isle of Forgotten Sin," Marge importunes Mike to take her and some of her shady ladies to the lagoon to avoid the prying eyes of the law. Bur there will be a lot of skullduggery and double-crosses, not to mention a climactic storm, before anyone gets their hands permanently on the gold. 

Isle of Forgotten Sins not only features the novelty of a rare starring role for Sondergaard [The Spider Woman Strikes Back], but also gives her an unlikely pairing with Carradine (although that's not as strange as her teaming with Andy Devine in Never Say Die). Sidney Toler, who frequently played the venerable Charlie Chan, nearly steals the show playing the kind of nasty adversary that Chan would have had fun out-witting. Veda Ann Borg is cast as Luana, the native girl who is the lover of Johnny Pacific. There are a couple of good songs sung at the club -- "Tango" and "Moon Madness" -- but most of Leo Erdody's score sounds like it was borrowed from classical themes and is hardly ever appropriate. Despite the cast and situations, Isle of Forgotten Sins only really comes alive in the final minutes, but the low-budget of a PRC production could hardly approximate a really astonishing monsoon at the end so we're left with some heavy winds and a few water-logged actors in a tank.

Verdict: Nice to see Toler and Sondergaard and a few others, but the movie is strictly minor-league. **1/2.

YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER

YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER (2018). Co-written and directed by Brett Simmons. 

Chuck (Alyson Hannigan), a clerk in a video store, gets a frantic call from her buddy, Sam (Fran Kranz), whose family owns a camp that is 25 miles from nowhere. According to Sam, someone has killed nearly all of the counselors in gruesome ways and is trying to burn him alive in his cabin. Chuck, a horror film fanatic, asks Sam if he ever considered that he could be the killer. Early on we learn that Sam is indeed the killer, but he's decimating the counselors because of a mask with demonic propensities. Chuck warns Sam that of the counselors who are still alive -- very few -- one of them is bound to be the pure "final girl" who puts paid to the maniac. Could it be the lady who dumped him, Imani (Brittany S. Hall), or sweet, virginal Jamie (Jenna Harvey)? It seems that Sam's fate might be sealed ... 

You Might Be the Killer, a very black comedy, benefits from some good acting from the cast, especially Kranz as the hero, and Hannigan as his blunt and unflappable buddy. There are some good sequences, and a couple of minor chills. Although some fans complained the film wasn't gory enough, we get severed arms, heads chopped in half, decapitations, and the

like, making this as gruesome as most slasher films if not quite as bad as some. The trouble with the film is that all the flashbacks make the film choppy -- no pun intended -- and eventually quite tiresome. Despite some energy and all the bloodletting, You Might Eventually Be the Killer runs out of gas early on and eventually becomes an effort to sit through. At one point Sam advises the counselors not to run off because they will get lost in the woods and there are snakes and so on, but surely they drove to the camp on a road and could take it back to civilization? But movies like this are hardly ever logical. 

Verdict: More or less professionally done, but slasher films -- be they black comedies or not -- should never be boring. **. 

INVASION OF ASTRO-MONSTER

Ghidorah, the 3-headed monster, on the loose!

INVASION OF ASTRO-MONSTER (aka Monster Zero; Godzilla vs. Monster Zero; Kaiju daisenso/1965). Director: Ishiro Honda. 

Earth has discovered a new planet, Planet X, beyond Jupiter and send astronauts Glenn (Nick Adams) and Fuji (Akira Takarada) to investigate. There they find seemingly friendly aliens of Oriental cast whose world is constantly besieged by Ghidorah, the flying three-headed monster. If Earth will permit them to transfer Godzilla and Rodan -- who battled and defeated Ghidorah previously -- to Planet X, the aliens will give them a serum that will eliminate all disease. Earth's famous monsters are taken to Planet X, but the world soon learns of the aliens' duplicity. Unless they agree to be ruled by them as a satellite of Planet X, they will destroy the earth with the aid of the three colossal monsters. Meanwhile Fuji's sweet sister Haruno (Keiko Sawai) learns that her nerdy boyfriend Tetsuo (Akira Kubo) may have come up with a way of defeating the aliens. 

Nick Adams and Akira Takarada

Well, one thing you have to say for Invasion of Astro-Monster is that it's certainly colorful, and not nearly as awful as most of the Japanese monster flicks (of which Rodan was one of the better ones). Nick Adams, herein billed as "Nikku Adamusu," (as if anyone would think he was Japanese!), actually gives a perfectly good performance, exhibiting his trademark intensity and grumpiness. Although Adams was born in Pennsylvania, his accent sounds like he was raised in Brooklyn, and it sounds funny hearing his real voice in this Nipponese movie. Adams has the best line, after Fuji voices concern that Rodan and Godzilla will be left behind on Planet X: "Hey, those two have caused us enough trouble! Don't worry -- they'll find their way!"

The aliens of Planet X

The other actors, including Kumi Mizuno as the mysterious Miss Namikawa and Yoshio Tsuchiya as the Controller of Planet X, are all good, and some of the FX work, including many miniatures, is decent. Godzilla, as usual, looks and acts pretty stupid, but the other two creatures are a bit better. They are basically kept in the background until they have an all-out battle towards the end of the movie. 

Verdict: Fun enough if you can tolerate sixties Japanese monster movies -- otherwise, avoid! **1/2. 

BARON BLOOD

Pitiful victim of Baron Blood

BARON BLOOD (aka Gli orrori del castello di Norimberga/1972). Director: Mario Bava. (This review is based on the American print.)

Peter Kleist (Antonio Cantafora) arrives in Austria to be reunited with his Uncle Karl (Massimo Girotti), as well as to investigate the castle of his 16th century ancestor, Baron von Kleist, said to be a monster known popularly as "Baron Blood." When Peter discovers a parchment with an incantation that can raise the baron from the dead, he stupidly reads the words aloud, to the consternation of Eva (Elke Sommer of Ten Little Indians), who is helping to restore the castle. It should be no surprise that they succeed in bringing Baron Blood back from the dead, and then the corpses start piling up.  

Antonio Cantafora and Massimo Girotti

After the hanging by Baron Blood of the man who was going to turn the castle into a hotel, it is auctioned off to the highest bidder, who turns out to be Alfred Becker (Joseph Cotten of The Survivor). The other characters know little about Becker, but the audience will have no problem figuring out who he really is. One has to deal with some leaps of logic, as Becker seems to refurbish the castle in a matter of days. The murder sequences are violent, but nothing over the top, and the best scene probably has to do with the poor caregiver Fritz (Luciano Pigozzi of Naked You Die) being placed in a variation of a sharply-spiked iron maiden. 

Joseph Cotten

The movie was filmed at an actual castle on the outskirts of Vienna, which certainly adds oodles of atmosphere to the production. In addition to the murders, there's a climax in a Chamber of Horrors, although this sequence is too brief to be as effective as intended. The actors, including Sommer, are good enough, and Joseph Cotten, who never chews the scenery but exudes quiet, charming menace, adds a touch of distinction to the proceedings. Umberto Raho (of Terror-Creatures from the Grave) appears briefly as a police inspector. Vincent Price and Ray Milland, both of whom had appeared in Poe adaptations, were considered for the title role but Cotten agreed to play the part when the others couldn't. 

Verdict: Despite some good scenes and eerie moments, the picture is a little disjointed -- perhaps due to post-production tampering -- and just misses being a really good horror film. **3/4.  

CITADEL

Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Richard Madden

CITADEL (2023 - 2026 TV series/Amazon Prime). 

A spy organization called Citadel has essentially been wiped out by a criminal cartel called Manticore. Citadel agents, including Mason Kane (Richard Madden of Eternals) and Nadia Sinh (Priyanka Chopra Jonas), have had their minds wiped and been given new identities. Mason was married to Nadia, but in his new identity is married to Abby (Ashleigh Cummings). The Citadel agents practically kill each other until their original identities are brought back via a special injection. Meanwhile Bernard Orlick (Stanley Tucci), is doing his best to gather all of the surviving Citadel agents together to take on Manticore, which still wants to exterminate them all. At the end of the first season, Mason discovers that the head of Manticore is his own mother, Dahlia (Lesley Manville). 

Stanley Tucci

In the second season, which didn't come out until nearly three years after the first, the main storyline deals with attempts to (supposedly) stop the assassination of the Russian president, so that the "right" people can employ his state-of-the-art spy satellites. The villain in this is Paulo Braga (Gabriel Leone), who plans to send an assassin outfitted with a chip in the brain that can control a person's mind. Mason winds up in an uncomfortable alliance with his evil mother. Mason and Nadia are also enveloped in a real love-hate relationship while he tries to deal with his feelings for both Nadia and Abby (both women have young daughters with Mason).

Citadel could be written off as a confusing mess if it weren't for the fact that it has many exciting and suspenseful moments and is very well acted, especially by Tucci and Leone. Reportedly the budget for this show, one of the most expensive ever made, was over 300 million, and much of it shows in the lavish look of the globe-hopping series. At times the ultra-fast editing is a little too frenetic, however, so you can't always follow who's beating up whom, although the fight scenes are generally well-choreographed (if not as well as in those old cliffhanger serials). Entertaining enough while you're watching it, you will probably forget Citadel the moment you turn if off -- it's all stuff and nonsense. Although it tries in some ways to ape the Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible films, it is not on the same level. By the time of the final season two episode, two of the leads have been written out of the program. 

Verdict: Somehow I doubt that there will be a third season of Citadel, a modern-day take on The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (read Citadel for UNCLE and Manticore for THRUSH). **3/4. 

THE FINAL GIRLS

THE FINAL GIRLS (2015). Director: Todd Strauss-Schulson. 

Max (Taissa Farmiga) is the daughter of the late actress, Nancy (Malin Akerman), whose claim to fame was appearing in Camp Bloodbath twenty years earlier. Max is importuned to go with Chris (Alexander Ludwig), a boy she has a crush on, to a special showing of the film and its sequel. When a fire breaks out in the theater, Max, Chris and other friends escape through a hole in the screen and inexplicably wind up in the movie, where Max encounters her own mother, who is now about her age. Max and the others are hoping that the killer of the film, the tormented Billy turned maniac, will not go after them, but on that they are wrong. Meanwhile, as in You Might Be the Killer, there's an argument over which of the ladies will be the "final girl" who will kill Billy. 

While one could argue that the premise of Final Girls is somewhat clever, the execution is another story. The movie doesn't wallow in gore, but aside from one creepy and suspenseful sequence, it doesn't do much else. The acting is competent, but the screenplay becomes incredibly silly. A slow-motion chase sequence just when the film should be most exciting makes no sense at all. 

The cast of Final Girls

The movie, vastly overpraised, supposedly engenders some moments of "emotional depth" (having to do with mother and daughter, I suppose) but this is probably because the average slasher film fanatic wouldn't know emotional depth if it bit them on ass. We never learn if there were any survivors of what appears to be a terrible fire, and none of these young people even bother to ask -- so much for depth. One sequence is backed up by Kim Carnes choking out "Bette Davis Eyes." Ultimately, you can hardly wait for the film to just be over. It's like the cinematic equivalent of a Young Adult horror novel, and not one of the better ones. Outtakes make it clear that the cast had more fun making the movie than we did watching it. 

Verdict: A promising idea that quickly turns to schlock. *3/4.