THE 30 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK

Lou Costello and Dorothy Provine

THE 30 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK (1959). Director: Sidney Miller.

So somebody got the idea of doing a spoof of Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (which came out over a year before this film did), a movie which was already amusing and in fact has a lot more laughs than this atrocious "comedy." It may have seemed a good idea to put Lou Costello in it (appearing without his usual partner, Bud Abbott), but the little guy has such poor material that there's nothing he can do to save it. 

Costello [Blaze of Glory] plays Artie Pinsetter, a small-town junk man and part-time inventor. After an argument, his girlfriend Emily (Dorothy Provine) runs into a cavern and the next thing they know she's grown into a giant. (After taking a shower she grows even larger, about fifty feet or more.) The Army thinks she's a giantess from Mars and her uncle (Gale Gordon), who's running for governor, just wants her to disappear. (He insists that she and Artie get married because he misunderstood what Artie meant when he said his niece had gotten "bigger.") Although Provine could play the blond bimbo with the best of them, in this she sort of plays it straight, which doesn't work at all. The movie has approximately five mild chuckles, although the expected gag at the end is funny. To make matters worse, Gale Gordon -- who could be very clever at times but is not amusing in this -- stinks up the production even more. 

Verdict: This is an effort to sit through. *1/2. 

KILL ME, DEADLY

KILL ME, DEADLY (2015). Director: Darrett Sanders.

In this film noir spoof set in 1947 and shot in black and white a private eye, Charlie Nickels (Dean Lemont), goes to see a client (Lesley-Anne Down of In the Devil's Garden) who fears her life is in danger and sure enough she is shot to death not much later. Suspects include her nerdy son, Clive (Nicholas S. Williams), sexy daughter, Veronica (Raleigh Holmes), the fired gardener and butler, and a chubby femme fatale named Mona (Kirsten Vangsness) who is a sultry singer in a nightclub. This should all be great material for a hilarious satire but the movie is slow and dull and shockingly unfunny, with only a couple of mild chuckles throughout. Occasionally the dialogue is clever, but more often cliched. The stylized performances aren't especially amusing either, defeating the whole purpose of the movie, although some of them, especially Vangsness -- who does a mean imitation of Kathleen Turner -- and Down, give it their all. The climax is a little bit interesting, but not enough to save the movie. This was based on a stage play that might have worked with the right players, but Carol Burnett herself might have been stumped by the material. Vangsness was the executive producer and two of her co-stars on Criminal Minds have parts: Shemar Moore in a bit as a piano player and Joe Mantegna as Bugsy Siegel.

Verdict: This is deadly all right. Watch Kiss Me Deadly instead. *1/2.