LONGLEGS

Dakota Daulby and Maika Monroe

LONGLEGS (2024). Written and directed by Osgood Perkins.

FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) is assigned to the case of a weirdo named Longlegs (Nicolas Cage) who somehow gets men to murder their families and then off themselves. As Lee and her boss, Carter (Blair Underwood), investigate further, Lee discovers that Longlegs' accomplice may be much closer to home than she realized. And what about that strange lifelike doll that's found under the floorboards in an abandoned home?

Nicolas Cage in another bad movie

The vastly overpraised and illogical Longlegs is almost like a travesty of a serial killer movie. It's hard to imagine that someone as nervous and neurotic as Lee Harker would ever have been made an FBI agent. Even if one accepts that Lee is a strange, moody person, it doesn't excuse the wretched and dull performance given by Ms. Monroe. Nicolas Cage -- yes, this is yet another lousy movie that the actor is in -- offers a perfectly okay stunt performance aided by tons of spooky make up. 

How did I get in this crap? Alicia Witt 

Alicia Witt, who once starred in slasher films like Urban Legend, is also okay as Lee's weird mother.  Although Blair Underwood from L.A. Law is now middle-aged, he still seems cute and baby-faced, but his performance is -- again -- okay. There are so many holes and implausible moments in the story that it's almost laughable, and the movie isn't good enough to enable the viewer to suspend disbelief. Osgood Perkins, the son of Anthony Psycho Perkins, does not betray much skill as either a writer or a director: the movie has no energy. The film's only saving grace is the atmospheric cinematography by Andres Arochi. Elvis Perkins' score has its moments as well. 

Verdict: For heaven's sake if Nicolas Cage is in the cast find another movie! *1/2. 

GODZILLA MINUS ONE

Godzilla

GODZILLA MINUS ONE (2024). Director: Takashi Yamasaki. 

At the very end of WW2 Koichi Shikishima (Ryunosuke Kamiki) is a Japanese kamikaze pilot who hasn't quite got the stuff. Landing on Odo Island where there is a regiment of mechanics, he and the others encounter Godzilla. Koichi is too scared to use his plane's arms to fire at the monster, and everyone but him and engineer Sosaku (Munetaka Aoki) dies. Returning to civilization and a shattered Japan, he hooks up with a young woman, Noriko (Minami Hamabe), who has rescued a little orphaned baby. Wracked with guilt over his cowardice, Koichi resists having a real relationship with Noriko, but they have much bigger problems when Godzilla -- now grown even larger and with an atomic-irradiated body that can shoot out devasting heat beams -- stomps through Tokyo. With no aid coming from any other country and a shattered government, survivors band together to come up with a way to destroy the monster, a plan in which Koichi will play a major role. 

Ryunosuke Kamiki

The original Godzilla film -- the 1954 Gojira -- was much more serious than the almost comical films featuring the monster that followed. This film follows in that tradition, and creates a host of interesting and generally well-developed characters for the viewer to get involved with. The film is too long, unfortunately, and the scenes with these characters may make some people impatient to see Godzilla in action. There aren't enough sequences starring the big guy but they are fairly exciting. This movie uses some of the martial music from the original film as well as Godzilla's classic metallic roar. 

Godzilla on the move!

Godzilla Minus One isn't campy like the American Godzilla with Matthew Broderick, but that film, despite its many flaws, was more entertaining and thrilling, with better FX work. (The FX for Godzilla Minus One won an Oscar!) Godzilla himself looks a little lumpy at times. Still, I have to agree that this flick is probably the best Godzilla film in years and is a vast improvement over a more recent American version and the dreadful Shin Godzilla. The movie also tackles Japanese attitudes towards death and dying. Oddly, the ending when certain principals are reunited may leave a lump in your throat!

Verdict: By reimagining the original Gojira, they have come up with something different. **3/4.  

TOO MUCH BEEF

Rex Bell

TOO MUCH BEEF (1936). Director: Robert F. Hill.

Rocky Brown (Forrest Taylor) owns the Wagon Wheels ranch and lives with his sister, Ruth (Constance Bergen). He realizes that steers which aren't part of his herd are being branded and placed with his own cattle. As Rocky was once falsely jailed for rustling, he is anxious to get to the bottom of this. To that end comes Johnny Argyle (Rex Bell) calling himself "Tucson Smith" as he investigates. Johnny romances Ruth as he interviews Rocky's gal pal Sheila (Marjorie O'Connell), drunk Tracy Paine (George Ball), Rocky's foreman Shorty (Jimmy Aubrey), railroad man George Thompson (John Cowell), and others. When a fellow named Dynamite (Lloyd Ingraham) is murdered, Rocky is framed for it -- Johnny goes into action and saves the day!

Constance Bergen and Forrest Taylor

In his day Rex Bell was a big western movie star, but he was probably more famous for being the husband of "It" girl Clara Bow. He is good-looking, with some charm, and a bare minimum of acting ability, at least in this very standard oater. The other cast members are a little more impressive, but the direction for this is slow, and except for one fist fight and some gun shots in the climactic courtroom scene, this is not too memorable a picture. Bell appeared in forty-three films, wrapping up his career with an uncredited bit in The Misfits in 1961. He and Bow were married for over thirty years until his death, which occurred when he was running for governor of Nevada. Forrest Taylor appeared in several serials, including the wonderful Manhunt of Mystery Island.     

Verdict: Rex is appealing in his way but the movie doesn't amount to much. *1/2. 

TOMORROW WE LIVE

Jean Parker, Rose Anne Stevens, Emmett Lynn

TOMORROW WE LIVE (1942). Director: Edgar G. Ulmer. 

Julie Bronson (Jean Parker of Lady in the Death House) comes home to her father, "Pop" Bronson (Emmett Lynn), who runs a cafe but is actually working for a gangster known as The Ghost (Ricardo Cortez). When the Ghost meets Julie he instantly decides that he must have her, but although she gets a little weak in the knees, she is in love with handsome Lieutenant Bob Lord (William Marshall), who has just enlisted. Besides dealing with competition for Julie's affections, the Ghost -- so-called because he's managed to cheat death more than once -- also must contend with a rival, Big Charlie, who we never actually see because he sends his henchmen to do his dirty work. Bob proposes to Julie, but there's a hiccup when she learns that the Ghost has something on her father that could send him back to prison.

William Marshall

Although released in 1942, Tomorrow We Live comes off like a movie made ten years earlier. It's not just that it's a cheap PRC production that was probably shot in two days with a budget of 10 cents, but that its script is creaky and the musical score hokey as hell. Aside from Parker and Rose Anne Stevens as waitress Melba, the acting is so perfunctory that it's as if the performers were handed their scripts right before they stood in front of the cameras. Both Cortez and Marshall have given much better accounts of themselves, such as in the film they teamed for five years later, Blackmail. Director Edgar G. Ulmer, who has also done much better work, films a lengthy fist fight entirely in long shot! Ultimately this is pretty dull.

Verdict: One of Ulmer's worst movies. *.  

THE STRANGE COUNTESS

Brigitte Grothum, Lil Dagover, and Eddi Arent

THE STRANGE COUNTESS (aka Sie seltsame Grafin/1961). Directors: Josef von Baky; Jurgen Roland; Ottokar Runze.

Margaret (Brigitte Grothum) receives menacing phone calls from a strange man (Klaus Kinski), is nearly killed on more than one occasion, and decides to accept a job offer from Countess Luana Moran (Lil Dagover) to become her new secretary. Margaret had previously worked for the countess' lawyer, Shaddle (Fritz Rasp), who importunes Inspector Dorn (Joachim Fuchsberger) to watch out for her as he feels she's in danger. This proves true even when Margaret arrives at the countess' imposing castle, and meets her son, Selwyn (Eddi Arent), the strange Dr. Tappan (Rudolf Fernau), and the oily Chesney Praye (Richard Haussler), among others. If a near-death incident on a collapsing balcony weren't enough, Margaret learns that Mary Pinder (Marianne Hoppe), a woman who served twenty years for poisoning someone, is her biological mother and is coming to work at the castle! Time to seek new employment, perhaps? 

Grothum with Joachim Fuchsberger

This is another West German thriller based on a novel by Edgar Wallace. With mysterious countesses and castles, sinister psychiatric clinics, and a hero who doesn't clue the heroine in as to what's going on and therefore manages to frighten her as much as the bad guys, Strange Countess betrays its thirties origins. While you may develop some interest as to why Margaret is on somebody's hit list, the movie never becomes gripping, although the actors are certainly game. Lil Dagover was a German actress who had a very long career and who appeared in the original silent Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. 

Verdict: Despite a dozen or so people running around in all directions this never becomes that interesting. **. 

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER

Mark Damon, Vincent Price, Myrna Fahey

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER (aka House of Usher/1960). Produced and directed by Roger Corman. Screenplay by Richard Matheson. 

"It's just that he's highly overwrought, sir." -- Bristol. 

Philip Winthrop (Mark Damon of Naked You Die) follows his fiancee, Madeline (Myrna Fahey), back to her ancestral home where she lives with her strange, affected brother, Roderick Usher (Vincent Price of Twice-Told Tales) in a crumbling estate on a moldering, foggy acreage. Roderick suffers from an abundance of sensitivities, such as to noise and light, while Madeline is becoming unhinged, convinced she is on the verge of death. There is a great fear she will be buried alive, while the house crackles and a fissure in the wall grows ever wider and manservant Bristol (Harry Ellerbe) rubs his hands and worries ... 

The eerie Usher estate

Loosely based on Edgar Allan Poe's study of a highly dysfunctional family, Roger Corman's Usher is attractively produced, well-acted, and entertaining, albeit imperfect. Although the picture has a creepy atmosphere, it never quite develops into anything that would give it truly classic status. Price is good, and plays it in the way you would expect, while Damon is even better as Philip, playing a difficult role in just the right note. Les Baxter has written some good theme music -- which plays for several minutes on a black background with no visuals before the credit sequence -- but the chorus is rather hokey. Neurotic Roderick's paintings are quite well-done. In Poe's story the protagonist is an old friend of Roderick's and is not engaged to his sister, whom he has never actually met. Richard Matheson's script is faithful to the spirit of Poe's story if not the letter.  

Verdict: Fun and absorbing, but just misses being a real classic. **3/4. 

NIGHT OF THE LEPUS

Carnivorous rabbit on the rampage!

NIGHT OF THE LEPUS (1972). Director: William F. Claxton. 

Husband and wife scientist team Roy (Stuart Whitman of Tender Flesh) and Gerry (Janet Leigh) Bennett are called in to see what they can do about the population explosion of hungry rabbits that are destroying crops in Arizona. Rancher Cole Hillman (Rory Calhoun of Thunder in Carolina) is hoping the couple can come up with something that is ecologically sound. A test bunny escapes from the lab and before you know it there is a new breed of outsized, carnivorous, vicious and very hungry rabbits munching down on horses, cattle -- and people. Oops!

Inept scientists? Leigh and Whitman

Night of the Lepus is played perfectly straight, which is why I've always found it rather charming. There is no attempt to turn the rabbits into monstrously mutated horrors with gigantic fangs and claws -- they just look like bunnies -- but in spite of that the clever editing, close-up photography, and especially the eerie sound FX with squeals and the thumps of heavy footfalls give the rabbits a genuinely menacing aura at times and there are some creepy and suspenseful sequences. There are also hilarious scenes, such as when a cop tells a crowd at a drive-in theater that "there is a herd of killer rabbits heading your way."

Really big bunnies take after pitiful victim

The rabbits are described as being the size of wolves, but in most process shots they appear to be much bigger, at least man-sized, and more often as big as horses or even baby elephants. There are also a lot of shots employing miniature buildings, cars and trucks for the little darlings to play around in. DeForest Kelley of Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country plays a friend of the Bennetts. Jimmie Haskell's score is spookily effective. While I can well understand why many people feel this is a terrible movie, I have to say I've always gotten a kick out of it! William F. Claxton also directed Rockabilly Baby.

Verdict: Bugs Bunny's least favorite movie. ***. 

THE WILLIAM SCHOELL COLLECTION

 

THE WILLIAM SCHOELL COLLECTION. Encyclopocalypse Publications 2024.

Just in time for Halloween, brand new editions of all of my classic horror novels with corrections and introductions going behind the scenes of each book. Things That Go Bump in the Night deals with horrors created by recombinant DNA research. Shivers has a man trying to find his missing brother in the bowels of the New York City subway system. Late at Night takes place on an island where people discover a book which reveals their frightening and grisly fates. Vicious details graphic mayhem occurring on a film set, in a girls school, and in an ancient nunnery with a weird sect of sadistic nuns. Saurian features an unusual sea monster who is even more intelligent than the people it hunts. The Pact unveils a demonic force that is wreaking havoc in Hawaii. The Dragon presents an archeological expedition descending into caverns whose walls consist of living flesh. Finally Fatal Beauty examines an exciting new substance that will replace cosmetic surgery, only the test subjects discover how terribly wrong things can go. You can buy the whole bundle at a special price direct from the publisher or just order individual titles. 

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH

Stacey Nelkin and Tom Atkins

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982). Written and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace. 

When her father is murdered under very strange circumstances, Ellie Grimbridge (Stacey Nelkin) teams up with Dr. Daniel Chalis (Tom Atkins) to discover the truth. Their investigation takes them to the town of Santa Mira -- a reference to Invasion of the Body Snatchers -- where the elder Grimbridge bought Halloween masks from the Silver Shamrock company, a firm run by one Conal Cochran (Dan O'Herlihy). What the couple uncover is a bizarre plot that encompasses a stolen slab from Stonehenge, a bunch of homicidal, super-strong robots, and colorful masks with highly unusual  -- and deadly -- properties. 

Dan O'Herlihy

The third installment in the Halloween franchise did away with Michael Myers and Jamie Lee Curtis and brought in British sci-fi author Nigel Kneale (and others) for something entirely different and possibly bleaker than a mere slasher film. True, there have been other films with sinister conspiracies, strange small towns, weird corporations and the like but it still adds up to something more interesting than Michael Myers on a rampage. One could argue that Halloween III is not the most logical of films, but it is creepy and entertaining, with a decidedly downbeat conclusion. The actors are all good, and O'Herlihy is simply superb. There are some gruesome make-up effects in this and some ghoulish bits of business as well. 

NOTE: Tommy Lee Wallace has just come out with a book entitled Halloween 3:"Where the Hell is Michael Myers?" The Definitive History of Horror's Most Misunderstood Film from BearManor Media. 

Verdict: Another fine O'Herlihy performance in a notably odd horror film. ***. 

HOLLOW MAN II

Christian Slater as "Griffin"

HOLLOW MAN II (2006). Director: Claudio Fah. Direct to Video. 

The invisibility experiments first detailed in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon have been continued with a new subject: soldier Michael Griffin (Christian Slater of Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country). He was assigned to kill off political enemies, but his mind has deteriorated and he feels he has been betrayed by his superiors (which, of course, he has). Cop Frank Turner (Peter Facinelli) teams up with scientist Maggie Dalton (Laura Regan of Dead Silence) to try to get the best of their invisible adversary, who wants to force Maggie to come up with a formula to save his life. But Griffin is not going to make it easy for them ... 

Laura Regan and Peter Facinelli

Hollow Man II has a significantly smaller budget than the first film, so you won't find those magnificent special effects shots. The acting is good, although Slater seems a bit too subdued. Sarah Deakins makes an impression as Facinelli's partner, Lisa, and there is good work from William MacDonald as the ill-fated Colonel Gavin Bishop. Towards the end of the film, which has a degree of suspense and excitement, we learn that there are other invisible men out there, and they are not in a healthy condition. Paul Verhoeven, director of the first film, is executive producer. The film gives a nod to H. G. Wells' novel "The Invisible Man" by naming the fellow Griffin as in the book. 

Verdict: Below the level of the first film, but acceptable Grade B thriller. **1/2. 

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT

Gilbert Wynne and Donald Sumpter

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT (1969). Director: Lindsay Shonteff. 

A Jack the Ripper-type killer is preying on prostitutes in London. Inspector Rowan (Gilbert Wynne) immediately focuses on the thuggish Pete Laver (Donald Sumpter), and is convinced he is the killer. When Rowan's wife, Jenny (Linda Marlowe of Spaceflight IC-1) becomes the latest victim, slashed in her bathtub, a furious Rowan follows Pete everywhere and threatens him. But as the murders continue new suspects come into view. Also involved in the case are Judge Lomax (Jack May), his wife, Helena (Justine Lord), and his seriously weird assistant, Carter (Terry Scully). 

Gilbert Wynne and Jack May

The excellent performance of Donald Sumpter is the main reason to watch the mediocre Night After Night After Night. To be fair, it's possible the film was less interested in creating suspense over the identity of the killer -- which is no surprise -- than it was in looking at his home life, but his psychopathology seems to come out of nowhere. The performances are generally good but Jack May is way, way over the top as hanging Judge Lomax. The ending to the film is dragged out to a ridiculous length, with everyone in the audience probably wanting someone to just shoot the guy and be done with it. As usual, Lindsay Shonteff betrays little directorial skill. 

Verdict: One of the lesser "ripper" movies despite some very good performances. **. 

DEADLY INHERITANCE

Tom Drake and Valeria Ciangottini

DEADLY INHERITANCE (aka Omicidio per vocazione/1968). Director: Vittorio Sindoni. 

When Oscar (Arnaldo De Angelis), the supposedly poor patriarch of a family, is killed, it turns out that he was actually wealthy. However his will has a stipulation that none of his daughters -- Simone (Femu Benussi), Rosalie (Giovanna Lenzi) and Colette (Valeria Ciangottini) -- are entitled to anything until their adoptive brother, Janot (Ernesto Colli), turns twenty-one in three years. This does not sit well with Rosalie's husband, Leon (Ivo Garrani), who has serious debts, while Simone is hoping to give her married lover, Jules (Isarco Ravaioli), enough money to divorce his shrewish wife, Natalie (Alessandra Maravia). When some of these people wind up dead, Inspector Greville (Tom Drake of Date with Disaster), assisted by Etienne (Virgilio Gazzolo), has to find out who the killer is. 

Drake with Femi Benussi

Deadly Inheritance suffers from too much padding -- a business involving one of the main suspects running away from the police -- and running and running -- goes on forever, for instance -- and it doesn't have much style or directorial panache. Some of the acting is amateurish as well. What this Italian nominal giallo film has going for it is an absorbing plot and a couple of good and unexpected twists at the end (although they are a bit far-fetched). An unintentionally comical scene has a character lighting a candle to walk up a supposedly dark staircase only the staircase is so brightly lit that it's like daylight! 

Verdict: Unexceptional but watchable Italian thriller. **1/2. 

THE TERRIBLE PEOPLE

Elisabeth Flickenschildt and Joachim Fuchsberger

THE TERRIBLE PEOPLE (aka Die Bande des Schreckens/1960). Director: Harald Reinl.

Before he is hanged for his many crimes, Clay Shelton (Otto Collin) -- who was captured during a bank robbery -- vows to kill Inspector Long (Joachim Fuchsberger), the judge, the hangman, even a woman, Mrs. Revelstoke (Elisabeth Flickenschildt), who got in his way as he tried to escape, and others. As usual in these kind of movies, the police do a lousy job of protecting these folks, who are killed off one by one. Shelton's grave is empty, and people keep seeing the supposedly dead man in the distance. Then there are the sinister members of a gang called The Gallow's Hand. Long comes to realize that his own father (Fritz Rasp) may somehow be involved in the case, along with Nora Sanders (Karin Dor), who is Mrs. Revelstoke's confused and frightened secretary. Will Long be able to find out what's going on and who is responsible before every witness is killed off?

Fuchsberger with Fritz Rasp

This is another West German Edgar Wallace adaptation, and it is suspenseful and fun, if rather far-fetched. Clay Shelton makes a creepy-looking adversary, and the identity of the true mastermind behind it all comes as a big surprise. The action scenes in the film, especially at the climax, are very well handled. One interesting sequence has the hangman himself being strangled with a noose. When Long receives a written message, someone asks him: "Menacing message or love letter?" To which he replies: "Love letters are always menacing." Eddi Arent plays a crime scene photographer who keeps fainting every time he sees a body, a recurring joke that is never that funny. There are times when this seems very much like a Dr. Mabuse movie.

When I watched this for free on Tubi, the last twenty minutes or so suddenly switched from the dubbed English version to the German-language version -- with no subtitles. Fortunately Amazon Prime also had the film -- in English -- so I was able to learn what everyone was saying, although I had to rent the darn thing to do so.  

Verdict: Another interesting West German crime film. ***. 

THE CURSE OF THE HIDDEN VAULT

Ernst Fritz Furbringer and Harald Leipnitz

THE CURSE OF THE HIDDEN VAULT (aka Die Gruft mit dem Ratselschloss/1964.) Director: Franz Josef Gottlieb.  

An old gangster named Real (Rudolf Roster) has amassed a fortune -- mostly from others -- and placed it in a booby-trapped vault on his estate. Real wants to leave his fortune to Kathleen Kent (Judith Dornys), the daughter of a man he cheated years ago, but all of Real's associates want their cut first and will kidnap and murder anyone they can to get it. Kathleen is accompanied by her nerdy, officious lawyer, Ferry Westlake (Eddi Arent) and is befriended by the mysterious Jimmy Flynn (Harald Leipnitz), who seems to be playing both sides against the other. Meanwhile Inspector Angel (Harry Meyen), egged on by Sir John (Siegfried Schurenberg), tries to get enough on everyone to make an arrest. 

Klaus Kinski

The main problem with Hidden Vault is that it can't make up its mind if its a serious thriller or a parody of one. The presence of Eddi Arent, playing his usual role of comedy relief, doesn't help at all, although he does get the last laugh at the very end. While much of the film is tedious, there are a couple of good scenes set in an old mill, and a gruesome business where one character falls in front of a grindstone. Klaus Kinski [Schizoid] plays a sinister mute character who slithers about causing mischief and worse. The movie has just a few James Bond-like touches and there are some surprises to boot. For the record the vault in this movie is hardly "hidden" as lots of characters find it with ease. Franz Josef Gottlieb also directed the eurospy feature Die Slowly, You'll Enjoy it More with Lex Barker.   

Verdict: Another Edgar Wallace adaptation from West Germany. **1/4.

TIP NOT INCLUDED

Jerry dives off and grabs the bottom rungs of copter!

TIP NOT INCLUDED (aka Die Rechnung --eiskalt serviert/1966). Director: Helmuth Ashley. 

FBI agent Jerry Cotton (George Nader) is enjoying a drink when he tries to help a man, Thomas (Christian Doermer), who is dragged out of the club by thugs. Thomas is one of several men who is participating, perhaps unwillingly in his case, in a plot to rob the U.S. Treasury. Thomas' friend Phyllis (Yvonne Monlaur) is kidnapped by the gang when it is suspected that she knows more about his activities than she really does. Jerry affects a rescue of her, and tries to warn Clark (Walter Rilla), head of the Treasury, about the upcoming robbery, but he doesn't listen, and the mint is robbed of millions. Now it's up to Jerry to round up the gang and get the moolah back!

George Nader as Jerry Cotton

This is another entertaining West German Jerry Cotton movie with Nader essaying the role in his usual slick and heroic style. At one point Jerry launches himself off a high rooftop and miraculously grabs hold of the bottom rungs of a helicopter taking off. (The process work in this exciting sequence is very well done.) Heinz Weiss appears as Jerry's partner, Phil Decker, but he doesn't get much to do in this entry. There's an interesting development when Jerry takes the blame for letting the robbery occur to spare Clark, who blames himself and is on the verge of suicide. Jerry winds up being suspended but, true to form, stays in action. 

Verdict: Handsome Nader does the derring-do with flair. **3/4. 

THE MURDER CLINIC

Francoise Prevost and Harriet Medin

THE MURDER CLINIC (aka La lama nel corpo/1966). Directors: Elio Scardamaglia; Leonello De Felice.

In 1870 Dr. Robert Vance (William Berger of Night of the Skull) tries to run a clinic for the mentally disturbed after being acquitted of the attempted murder of his sister-in-law, Laura (Delfi Mauro). Now Vance and his wife, Lizabeth (Mary Young), preside over a motley crew of patients and staff, including the psychotic Fred (Massimo Righi), pretty nurse Mary (Barbara Wilson), studly attendant Ivan (Germano Longo), head nurse Sheena (Harriet Medin), and mute Janey (Anna Maria Polani). But who is the strange person in the cape and hood who walks back and forth, back and forth, on the third floor? Dr. Vance thinks he has enough problems when an unknown person murders one of the patients, but then he has to deal with a blackmailing murderess named Gisele (Francoise Prevost). 

Coming to terms: William Berger and Francoise Prevost

With its intriguing back story -- told in flashback -- showing the tragedy in the past of the Vances, as well as the sinister developments in the present, the thoroughly unpredictable Murder Clinic emerges as a terrific Italian terror film. The score by Francesco De Masi, which can be both creepy and intensely romantic, almost operatic, adds immeasurably to the film's impact. The huge old building that serves as the sanitarium is practically another character. Austrian actor William Berger had a great many credits while this was the only picture for Barbara Wilson; Mary Young only had two credits while Prevost amassed quite a few. 

Verdict: Lurid and delightful -- this is not a clinic you would want to be admitted to. ***. 

TOP SECRET

Gordon Scott

TOP SECRET (aka Segretissimo/1967). Director: Fernando Cerchio. 

Baron Von Klausen (Antonio Gradoli) has escaped from the communists and brought with him some top secret documents. But there is a question if this man is the real Von Klausen. Agent John Sutton (Gordon Scott) is assigned to find out what he can and comes afoul of thugs and lethal ladies in Casablanca, Rome and Naples. Sandra Dubois (Magda Konopka) is a beautiful Russian spy and Zaira (Aurora de Alba) is working with "Von Klausen" and his associates. It is a question who will snatch the documents away from Von Klausen's group: Sutton or the beautiful and highly competent Sandra. 

Magda Konopka

Top Secret is an above average eurospy film, certainly better than Scott's other 1967 spy outing Danger!! Death Ray. It has moments of intentional humor, a fast pace and light tone, and the players, including Scott, are all adept and enthusiastic. Polish actress (and baroness) Magda Konopka is so beautiful and sexy as the Russian spy that it's amazing that she never wound up in a James Bond movie (although she reportedly had an affair with Sean Connery, which makes her absence from the 007 films even stranger). The same year Top Secret came out Konopka married a billionaire but the marriage only lasted three months. She later wound up in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth.

Top Secret

Scott and Konopka share an intimate moment

 has many entertaining sequences, although a bit with a conveyor belt death trap is too brief. Sutton also winds up being pulled up in the air by a copter as he swings helplessly in the cage below (but not enough is done with this sequence). The best bit has Sutton and Sandra locked in an automobile that's been deposited on the tracks as a train rapidly approaches, but our hero manages to free the two of them in the nick of time. At one point an angry Sutton actually hits Sandra, but she gets the better of him with her own martial arts moves. In a later scene Sutton is kidnapped by a pack of "nuns," one of which is a man in drag. Oddly, Scott's name does not appear in the opening credits. The "dabba dabba" theme song is horrible.

Verdict: Sexy leads, nasty nuns -- what more could you ask for? **3/4. 

THE SINISTER MONK

Who is the maniacal monk?

THE SINISTER MONK (aka Der unheimliche monch/1965). Director: Harald Reinl.  

Based on a novel by the prolific Edgar Wallace, this movie has enough plot for several films. First we have a group of siblings arguing over a will. William (Dieter Eppler) and Richard (Siegfried Lowitz) want to figure out a way to stymie or dispose of niece Gwendolin (Karin Dor), who gets the lion's share of the cash, while Aunt Patricia (Ilse Steppat) is hoping to protect her, especially from her predatory son, Ronnie (Hartmut Reck). At Patricia's girls school, some of the students turn up missing. If that weren't enough, a man dressed as a monk and wielding a whip is using the lash to strangle and break the necks of assorted individuals. Who is the Mad Monk and why is he killing people?

Harald Leipnitz and Karin Dor

Although it's burdened with an oddball, overly jazzy score by Peter Thomas, The Sinister Monk is a suspenseful and entertaining flick that crosses several genres, from psycho-on-the-loose to police procedural to gang activity to siblings fussing over wills and damsels-in-distress. In addition to those mentioned, other characters include Inspector Bratt (Harald Leipnitz); Mr. Short (Rudolf Schundler), who makes masks of the students and keeps pigeons; and Smitty (Eddi Arent), who helps out at the school and falls for Gwendolin. Although the identity of the monk, withheld until nearly the last second, may not come as the greatest surprise, The Sinister Monk has enough twists and turns and action to keep you happily watching. Karin Dor, who was married to much-older director Harald Reinl at the time, later appeared in You Only Live Twice and Alfred Hitchcock's Topaz. 

Verdict: Intriguing dubbed mystery-thriller from West Germany. ***. 

THE COLLEGE-GIRL MURDERS

Another mad monk with a whip on the loose!

THE COLLEGE-GIRL MURDERS (aka Der Monch mit der Peitsche/1967). Director: Alfred Vohrer.

Frank Keeney (Siegfried Rauch) is spirited out of jail by corrupt prison staff so he can become a paid killer for an unknown figure who keeps alligators in a pen on his property. Keeney is given a special gun that fires a stream combining gas with acid so that he can kill several co-eds at a girls college run by Harriet Foster (Tilly Lauenstein). If that weren't enough a man in a monk's outfit and carrying a whip murders people just as was done in The Sinister Monk, a film that is referenced in this one. Inspector Higgins (Joachim Fuchsberger) teams up with the rather buffoonish Sir John (Siegfried Schurenberg) to try to unravel a very strange, indeed, utterly absurd -- but very entertaining -- Edgar Wallace mystery. 

Siegfried Rauch

This is another in a series of West German thrillers based on the works of prolific British author Edgar Wallace. College-Girl Murders comes from "The Black Abbot," but somehow I doubt that it's a particularly faithful adaptation. This version has added "euro-spy" elements with secret super-villains in elaborate HQs, weird weapons, and as usual, enough plot for five movies. (Schurenberg's Sir John appears in most of the Wallace adaptations.) The musical score is not off-putting, the pace is fast, the acting is generally good, there are numerous suspects, and the identity of the masterminds comes as a bit of a surprise (although you may not quite buy it). A plot element is "borrowed" from Agatha Christie's "ABC Murders." 

Verdict: Wild and crazy caper from West Germany. **3/4. 

REALMS OF NIGHT 3

REALMS OF NIGHT 3. 2024. Edited by Christopher Fulbright.

Realms of Night is a publication that covers the horror and dark fantasy field for "readers and collectors." This issue has an interview with yours truly covering my novels from Leisure and St. Martin's and other things. There is also a fine, eerie story by Fulbright entitled Children of the Horned God. As well there is more fiction from Carl R. Moore, and non-fiction and reviews by  Mark Bieber, C. Dennis Moore, Will Errickson and Brian DuBois. Also pieces on James Herbert and Shaun Hutson. 

Available on Amazon.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN

Franky (Glenn Strange) goes after Lou Costello

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN (1948). Director: Charles Barton. 

Wilbur (Lou Costello) and Chick (Bud Abbott) work for a shipping company and are told to bring two items to a House of Horrors without fail. One item is a coffin that contains the living Count Dracula (Bela Lugosi of The Corpse Vanishes) and the other is a crate that holds Frankenstein (Glenn Strange), whom the vampire has under his control. Meanwhile Sandra (Lenore Aubert of The Catman of Paris) romances Wilbur because she wants to put his simple-minded brain in Frankenstein's body so that the monster will be more easily manipulated. Two other people get involved in the frenzied, comical action: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.), who turns into the Wolfman when the moon is full and warns the boys about what's going on with Drac and Franky; and Joan (Jane Randolph of The Mysterious Mr. M), an insurance agent for the shipping company. Will poor Wilbur become subjected to a brain transplant?

Gruesome twosome: Bela Lugosi and Lenore Aubert

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein is practically a textbook case of how to do a spoof the right way. The trick is that everyone pretty much plays it straight except for the two stars, who by this point were old hands at their comical schtick. The movie is not only consistently funny, but even exciting and suspenseful at times, and is also very well-produced. Frank Skinner's excellent score makes the most of every sequence. Other cast members include Frank Ferguson as the testy owner of the House of Horrors (whose exhibits turn out to be alive), and Charles Bradstreet as the handsome Professor Stevens, who works with Sandra but has no idea what she's really up to. 

Verdict: Classic comedy with the fellows in top form and a very adept and enthusiastic supporting cast. ***1/2. 

THE TRAP SNAPS SHUT AT MIDNIGHT

Jerry Cotton (George Nader) goes into action!

THE TRAP SNAPS SHUT AT MIDNIGHT (aka Um Null Uhr schnappt die Halle zu/1966). Director: Harald Philipp.  

A small-time operator named Hatton (Gert Gunther Hoffmann) steals a truck and is alarmed to discover it is stuffed with vats of nitroglycerine. The cool blonde Maureen (Dominique Wilms of OSS 117 -- Panic in Bangkok) acts as go-between for him and big-time operator Larry Link (Horst Frank of Eye in the Labryinth), but Hatton isn't in the picture for long. Link contacts the authorities and threatens to use the nitro to blow up Manhattan if he isn't paid one million smackers. FBI agent Jerry Cotton (George Nader) and his partner Phil Decker (Heinz Weiss) are assigned to get the crooks and find the nitro -- before a summer heat wave causes it to explode! 

Dominique Wilms and George Nader

This is the third of the West German Jerry Cotton films starring George Nader, and as usual it's entertaining and well-played. The film is distinguished by two exciting action scenes: when Jerry masquerades as a window washer and nearly falls to the sidewalk far below; and a tense sequence on the Manhattan Bridge when Jerry has to fight off a thug and get rid of a bomb attached to one of the nitro canisters at one and the same time. The editing manages to blend Jerry and the other characters into the New York City exteriors quite well, and the irritating theme music is used sparingly for a change. 

Verdict: More than decent action film from West Germany. ***. 

KILL ME, DEADLY

KILL ME, DEADLY (2015). Director: Darrett Sanders.

In this film noir spoof set in 1947 and shot in black and white a private eye, Charlie Nickels (Dean Lemont), goes to see a client (Lesley-Anne Down of In the Devil's Garden) who fears her life is in danger and sure enough she is shot to death not much later. Suspects include her nerdy son, Clive (Nicholas S. Williams), sexy daughter, Veronica (Raleigh Holmes), the fired gardener and butler, and a chubby femme fatale named Mona (Kirsten Vangsness) who is a sultry singer in a nightclub. This should all be great material for a hilarious satire but the movie is slow and dull and shockingly unfunny, with only a couple of mild chuckles throughout. Occasionally the dialogue is clever, but more often cliched. The stylized performances aren't especially amusing either, defeating the whole purpose of the movie, although some of them, especially Vangsness -- who does a mean imitation of Kathleen Turner -- and Down, give it their all. The climax is a little bit interesting, but not enough to save the movie. This was based on a stage play that might have worked with the right players, but Carol Burnett herself might have been stumped by the material. Vangsness was the executive producer and two of her co-stars on Criminal Minds have parts: Shemar Moore in a bit as a piano player and Joe Mantegna as Bugsy Siegel.

Verdict: This is deadly all right. Watch Kiss Me Deadly instead. *1/2. 

BAREBONES 19

 barebones 19. (2024). Edited by John Scoleri and Peter Enfantino.

The latest issue of barebones, # 19, edited by John Scoleri and Peter Enfantino, features articles on Jack the Ripper; the classic western show Rawhide; films directed by W. Lee Wilder (Billy's brother), such as Killers from Space; Mike Shayne Mystery Magazine; the first Bond novel, Casino Royale, and its TV and film adaptations; and my own piece on the wild series YANCY DERRINGER starring Jock Mahoney.

And even more!

You can buy a copy on Amazon here!

SUNSET SERENADE

Roy Rogers listens as Gabby Hayes sings

SUNSET SERENADE (1942). Director: Joseph Kane.

Although Vera Martin (Joan Woodbury) thought she was going to inherit a ranch from the deceased owner, it actually goes to his nephew, a one-year-old baby in the care of Sylvia Clark (Helen Parrish of X Marks the Spot). Sylvia doesn't know that Vera and her friend, Jackson (Onslow Stevens), are scheming to get the ranch away from her for a song. Wouldn't you know that Roy Rogers, Gabby Hayes, Bob Nolan (of Heldorado) and his Sons of the Pioneers ((including Pat Brady) are in the vicinity, out of work cowboys who are practically starving. In exchange for vittles, most of which are "et" by Gabby, Roy and his buddies help out Sylvia. Later on they have a shoot-out with Jackson's gang when he tries to steal cattle that Sylvia just sold to Clifford Sheldon (Frank M. Thomas) and Roy saves the man from a rushing river when a dam is exploded. There are also some forgettable songs sung by Roy, Bob, Pat and even annoying Gabby. Trigger doesn't have much to do in this one. Roy Barcroft of G-Men Never Forget plays one of the gang of bad guys. A "modern" western from Republic studios. 

Verdict: Acceptable but mediocre Roy Rogers entry. **. 

THE CRAWLING EYE

The alien eye creatures go on the attack!

THE CRAWLING EYE (aka The Trollenberg Terror/1958). Director: Quentin Lawrence. Colorized.

Alan Brooks (Forrest Tucker of The Strange World of Planet X) travels to the Trollenberg mountain in Switzerland at the behest of scientist Crevett (Warren Mitchell), whose observatory is studying cosmic rays. Crevett feels that something weird that happened years ago in the Andes is now happening on the Trollenberg. There are strange deaths of climbers, some of whom wind up decapitated, and a radioactive cloud that is able to move independently. All of this is disturbing to Anne Pilgrim (Janet Munro), who is one half of a telepathic act with her sister Sarah (Jennifer Jayne), and who picks up "thoughts" from whatever it is on top of the Trollenberg. Brooks and the sisters, along with reporter Philip Truscott (Laurence Payne of The Tell-Tale Heart), try not to panic when the cloud starts moving downwards towards the village and they finally see what's inside ...

Telepathic: Janet Munro picks up signals from the mountain

Based on a British mini-series, The Crawling Eye is a highly creepy and suspenseful horror show with more than competent acting, an eerie premise, and several memorable sequences. The FX work is crude and low-budget, but nevertheless effective, and there's a good score by Stanley Black (there's an especially nice passage during a scary sequence at a cabin which is slowly being enveloped by a freezing mist). A particularly tense scene occurs when the cable on the car taking frightened passengers up to the observatory begins to freeze ... As usual in films of this nature, there is plenty of illogic. When one little girl leaves her mother's side near the lower landing of the cable car to look for her ball in the inn below, one can't imagine this toddler being able to make it such a distance in so short a time. (This could have been corrected if the shot of the inn made it seem much closer.) The sequence in the cabin as shot also seems a bit impossible. But the movie is such gruesome fun that it scarcely matters. The color definitely adds a new dimension. 

Verdict: Giant eyeballs with tentacles, severed heads -- what more can you ask for? ***.